In Dreams
by invalid-reality
Summary: In dreams, sometimes you see just what you’ve always wanted and yet could never have. In dreams, what you’ve always wanted can be real. For Faith, it’s all she can have. For now.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: I've taken the basic plot from the first story I ever wrote 13 long years ago. I've modified it, of course. Do enjoy, I'll try to have the first chapter up in a couple days, still waiting on my beta, and yes, it is a Fuffy fic, but it is more Faith-centric than anything else :)

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The sand felt warm beneath her bare feet as she walked along the deserted, quiet beach. She'd been thinking a lot the past week; too much for her own good. The dreams had been haunting her for years. Dreams of Buffy, of the two of them together in ways that made her think about just how she truly felt for her fellow Slayer and one-time enemy.

Was she in love? Did she even know what being in love felt like? She already knew the answer to that question, and the answer was yes.

Shrugging it off, she came to a stop by the edge of water, the waves crashing gently at her feet. After Sunnydale, everyone had gone their separate ways and she hadn't seen or spoken to anyone since. She had stayed in LA, doing her own thing and occasionally helping Angel whenever he needed her. He paid her for her help and he kept a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food in her stomach. She didn't know what she'd do without him. He'd been there for her whenever she needed him and even when she hadn't. He'd been the one she went to when the dreams started. He'd been the one to first hear that she might be in love with Buffy, the one who was there when she realized that she always had been in love with Buffy even when things went bad.

Angel was the closest thing she had to family. She loved him because he'd been the one to pull her out of the darkness that threatened to consume her once and for all. He'd been the one who stood by her side and had faith in her when no one else did. She loved him because he'd given her a reason to trust others even when she couldn't trust herself.

But back to the dreams: She couldn't stop thinking about them and what they could possibly mean. They felt too real to be just normal dreams and she knew that one way or another, Buffy was having them with her too. There'd been so many times, especially over the last year, that she wanted to pick up the phone and track Buffy down, talk to her, just to see if she was okay. She knew it probably wasn't the greatest idea, though. Buffy had taken off on her own and wanted to be left alone; she felt, even knew, that much in those dreams she had, but she felt something else, too. She felt Buffy reaching out for her, wanting to feel loved in a way that only she could love her.

It wasn't that easy, though. She had Leah, and even though she didn't love her she had been with her for seven months. They'd been living together for almost five months now, and Leah was the only one she'd ever felt comfortable spending almost all her time with, but it just didn't feel right. Leah wasn't Buffy. She was the complete opposite of Buffy, actually, but she made Faith feel good, loved even, and that's all Faith felt that she needed at this point in her life. Leah was stable, she was normal, she was sweet, sexy, and funny. And the sex was amazing.

"Faith?" Leah called out as she walked out of the house and headed down the soft embankment towards the beach. "Got dinner on, babe."

"Cool," Faith smiled as she kept her eyes trained on the water and watched the sun as it began to set. "What are we having?"

"One of your favourites," she replied as she wrapped her arms around Faith from behind. "Steak and baked potatoes. I left out the vegetables tonight since we don't have any."

"Cool," Faith repeated as she shoved her hands into her jean pockets, wishing she hadn't quit smoking a few months back. She could really use one right then. She really hated when Leah invaded her personal, private space when she was thinking about Buffy. Something about it just annoyed her.

There was one thing she could say she loved about Leah and that was the fact that she never pushed her, never asked for anything more than what they had and never expected her to say that she loved her back. It was the one reason that after their first few times they'd slept together that Faith felt comfortable enough to enter a relationship with her. But she wasn't Buffy, she wasn't even close to being everything that Buffy was and could be. Angel had told her repeatedly since her relationship with Leah had started not to put her up on the pedestal that she had Buffy on.

Leah gave her a soft kiss on her cheek before she dropped her arms from around her and headed back up to the house. Faith turned briefly to watch her walk away, her long black hair flowing freely down her back and swaying slightly in the soft breeze. She tilted her head to the side a little, her eyes trained on her long, lean legs and the pert backside that plagued her mind every minute when she wasn't thinking of Buffy. Leah glanced over her shoulder and winked at Faith before she walked into the house, leaving the back door open for her.

She let out a soft sigh as she took a couple steps back from the water and sat down in the sand. Her life had changed so drastically since she'd met Leah. No longer did she go out to the clubs or bars every night. No longer did she drink until she fell down and passed out wherever because she was completely wasted. No longer did she dive into the darkness that once plagued her when she felt down on herself and alone in the world. Her life was the epitome of what she'd once considered boredom and she wouldn't have it any other way. She wouldn't trade those quiet Friday nights where she'd sit with Leah on the back porch with a glass of wine and just watch the waves as they rolled in. She wouldn't trade those Saturday mornings where she was woken up by light kisses and soft caresses. No, the only thing she'd trade everything for was to have it all with Buffy.

Leah knew about Buffy. Faith had told her only once about her. She didn't like to talk about her past and for the most part Leah had respected that. She only told her about Buffy since she felt it was one thing Leah needed to know. She left out the major details, the dreams, most of their past, but all in all she'd basically told her that she was in love with Buffy without actually saying the words. After that talk, Faith had slept that night on the couch and had the first dream with Buffy in it that she'd had in weeks.

The dreams were what kept her heart set on Buffy. The dreams were what gave her a lingering thread of hope that maybe at some point, one day in the future, they'd have a chance to be together.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" Faith muttered to herself as she stared out over the water. "Buffy is never going to want to be with me the way I want to be with her. Stop holding on to false hope, Lehane. Never did you any good in the past, did it?"

She laughed at herself before standing up and slowly making her way up to the house. She could smell the steak cooking, the baked potatoes steaming, and she could hear Leah softly humming as she put the food on the plates. She stood to the side, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest, and watched Leah as she finished putting the food on the plates and turned to face her.

"Smells good," Faith smiled as she walked up to her and gave her a soft kiss. It felt good, but it didn't feel right. It never did. "Did you get the wine out yet?"

"No," Leah replied as she shook her head. "Why don't you grab the bottle and the glasses and meet me out back?"

Faith waited for her to walk out the back door and set the plates on the small table on the back porch before she grabbed a fresh bottle of wine off the rack and then picked up two glasses. She sighed softly, feeling so happy yet feeling so empty at the same time. She shrugged it off, just as she always did, and walked out to the back to join Leah at the table where they ate most of their meals or would have a glass of wine or two when Faith got home from a short patrol every night.

They ate in comfortable silence, a common thing between them. It wasn't that they didn't have anything to talk about. The silence itself was comforting and all they ever really needed most times. They communicated through touch, through the soft, tender kisses, and through a simple look at one another. It often made Faith wonder if maybe she did love Leah, just in a different way than the way she loved Buffy. She and Buffy would never have this kind of relationship, she was sure of that much. The dreams were mostly of a sexual nature and although she wasn't complaining, she knew if it ever came down to it that's all they'd ever really have.

"Someone called earlier while you were out," Leah said softly as soon as they'd both finished eating. "Someone named Xander."

"Oh yeah? Did you take a message?"

"I left it by the phone," she replied and took in a deep breath. "Who is he anyway?"

"An old friend."

"A friend of Buffy's?"

Faith said nothing as she reached for her glass of wine and took a sip. She didn't want to bring Leah into that part of her life and she didn't want to explain why Xander called her every couple of months, either. It was usually just to check in and catch up; sometimes to ask her if she'd heard from Buffy at all. Most times when she talked to Xander they both avoided talking about Buffy at all. He, out of all of them, was hurt the most by her taking off to be alone. She could understand why he felt that way, too. Buffy was one of his best friends and she'd walked away after Sunnydale without a care in the world.

"I'm gonna go call him back," Faith said softly as she leaned over and gave Leah a quick, chaste kiss.

She left her sitting outside and went to check the message scribbled down on the notepad next to the phone in the kitchen. There was just a number written down, a Cleveland number, and she quickly drank the rest of her wine before picking up the phone. With a shaky hand she dialled the number and waited.


	2. Chapter 1

Faith paced the kitchen for a few rings before taking the phone with her out onto the front porch. She wasn't sure how the conversation with Xander would go, and she wasn't going to risk having Leah pick up bits of the conversation if Buffy was mentioned. She was nervous, as she always was whenever she talked to Xander. She kept waiting for the day the phone call came in from one of them to tell her that Buffy was dead.

She really hoped this wasn't _the_ phone call. Even though she could still faintly feel that connection she'd always felt with Buffy, she still had that fear running through her mind.

"Hello?" Xander said quietly, his voice riddled with exhaustion.

"Hey," Faith said after a moment. "You called?"

"Hey, Faith."

"So, what's up, Xander? Haven't heard from you in a couple months. When was the last time you called, May or something?"

"Yeah, something like that," he replied. "Just calling to check in, see how life has been treating you these days. You and Leah still shacking up?"

"Yeah," Faith laughed as she sat down on the front steps and tried to still her shaking hands. "Still shacking up and all that."

They talked back and forth for a while, both of them catching the other up on the things currently going on in their lives. Xander, as he had been since Sunnydale, was with Giles, Willow, Dawn, and a handful of younger slayers in Cleveland, watching over the Hellmouth there and holding onto hope that one day Buffy would come back to them. Faith knew all about the hope they all had when it came to Buffy coming back from wherever she was. She had it too. She felt it every day, especially in her dreams. Then, partway through the conversation, Xander dropped a bomb on her.

"Dawn and I started dating last month."

"What?" Faith asked, switching the phone to her other ear and blinking a couple of times as she held back the laughter. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

"I did," Xander chuckled, and Faith heard another laugh on the other end of the line that she knew was most definitely Dawn. "Are you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I have no idea."

Faith laughed as she shook her head and picked at the hole in the knee of her jeans. "What do you think Buffy would think about you and her little sister getting pelvic?"

"Honestly? I really don't want to know," he said softly and followed it up with a soft laugh. "You haven't...heard from her by any chance, have you?"

"Same story as always, Xander. No."

"You don't think she's..."

"Dead? No, I don't. I think she just doesn't want to be found right now."

"But it's been five years and none of us have heard a single word!"

"I know how long it's been," Faith said under her breath. "She'll come back or call or write or something."

"You've been saying that for how long now?"

"Gotta have a little bit of hope she still cares, right?"

It was ironic that she was the one that Xander turned to every couple of months when he got worried about Buffy. They had formed a bond since Sunnydale, and she'd even gone to Cleveland for Christmas two years back after he had begged her for months to come for a visit. She had changed since Sunnydale and so had everyone else. Change was only natural, as Angel once told her, and she had learned to embrace it and await more changes long before they ever came. It was advice she had passed on to Xander during their last phone call and she had to laugh to herself now that she knew just how much he had embraced the changes in life.

For the longest time since the dreams had become almost a regular occurrence, she'd debated whether or not to tell Xander about them. In her mind, it was Buffy's way of seeing her, letting her know she was still alive and well. She still wasn't so sure if they were shared dreams or just figments of her imagination, even though they seemed very real most nights. She didn't want to give Xander or the others the false hope she'd given herself. They didn't deserve that. She also knew that if she really was sharing dreams with Buffy, her friends and family would be hurt by their exclusion from them.

"I gotta go, Xander. Give my best to everyone, yeah?"

"Will do, Faith. Oh, wait," he said quickly before she had a chance to hit the end button. "What do you think about maybe me and Dawn coming down for a visit sometime?"

"Here?"

"That'd be cool, right? I mean, we haven't even seen your place and we haven't left Cleveland since we got here. I thought it'd be nice for me and Dawn to get away for a weekend and come visit you and finally get to meet Leah."

Faith ran her hand through her hair as she thought about it for a moment. She'd love to see Dawn and Xander again, but having them come down to stay with her was the part she wasn't so sure about. She liked her privacy, and she liked just being with Leah at the house alone. Not even her and Leah's friends came by very often. This was her sanctuary. A place of her own that she just so happened to share with the woman she'd been sleeping with for the past seven months. She groaned as she hung her head low and held the phone away from her ear for a moment as she rubbed her eyes.

"A weekend. Two days. Max."

"Really?" Xander said excitedly and she could hear Dawn in the background nearly squealing with joy that she'd said yes. "When is good for you?"

"Whenever. It's not like I have a job or much responsibilities these days."

"Next weekend cool?"

"Sure," she said through gritted teeth, trying to sound as happy and enthusiastic as Xander sounded. "You still got the address?"

"I do. So, I guess we'll see you in five days then."

"Sure. See you then, Xander," she said softly as she hit end and placed the phone down on the step next to her.

She stared blankly out at the street and sighed. Maybe a visit with Dawn and Xander wouldn't be so bad. She had put it off for five years already, always making excuses before about being too busy or never home to entertain them for a weekend. She leaned against the railing, watching the neighbour's kids as they chased each other in the street, laughing and living that carefree life she'd never known as a child. She smiled at the two kids, a boy and a girl barely under the age of ten, as they ran across her front lawn and waved to her. She never minded the kids on the street, they left her alone for the most part, so she tolerated them and slapped on that happy face whenever she came across them.

Only two people knew what her childhood was really like. Angel and Xander, both for the same reasons. She could talk to them without fear of being judged, without feeling as if she was nothing to them. They couldn't relate, not completely, but they'd been her shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively, when she had needed it the most. It was one of the reasons why she loved them both and why she kept them both in her life, even if they weren't completely in it. She kept telling herself that if she gave it time, she'd be able to talk to Leah about her past and what it was really like for her growing up. Leah couldn't relate to it. She'd grown up with her parents and three brothers in a happy, healthy home in a good neighbourhood and surrounded by love.

She felt the tears burning in her eyes just thinking about it and she quickly wiped them away when she heard Leah open the front door. She turned to look at her, smiling as Leah sat down next to her and reached for her hand.

"How did the phone call go?" Leah asked softly as she intertwined their fingers and leaned over to give her a soft, lingering kiss.

"Alright. Xander and Dawn are coming by for a visit next weekend."

"And Dawn is who exactly?"

"Buffy's little sister."

"Oh."

"She's dating Xander, and besides, I haven't seen either of them in like two years. Thought it'd be nice to see them again, you know?"

"They'll be staying here?"

"Yeah. Gonna fix up the spare room and move some of the junk in there into the attic. They're only staying for the weekend. It's not like they're gonna stay here for like a week or something. You okay with this, babe?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I've never met any of your old friends. You never even talk about them."

"Not much to say," Faith shrugged. "Kind of don't like talking about the past, you know?"

"I know," Leah smiled as she leaned in for another soft, tender kiss. "I just want to know something, anything. I know about the fight you all had with the First, but is that really enough? I feel like I don't know you at all sometimes."

"You know enough," she pointed out. "Besides, that's not who I am anymore, Leah."

"And who are you exactly?"

"You know who I am," Faith said softly as she squeezed her hand a little. "Are we really gonna get into this again, babe?"

"I just want to know everything there is to know about you, Faith. Is that too much to ask?"

She wasn't going to answer that. It was a loaded question and no matter how she answered it, it wouldn't turn out well. Silence was the best thing she could do, along with avoidance and changing the topic. Three things she did best around Leah, even though at times it made her feel a little guilty for keeping Leah at arm's length. She did want to let her in, eventually. She just had to get used to the idea of letting her walls down for her. She wasn't like Angel or Xander. She wasn't easy to talk to sometimes, either, and could be a downright bitch when she wanted to be. The latter quality was something Faith had never minded at all in the last seven months they'd been together.

She did need a little bitch in her women. Just to keep things interesting.

They sat there together watching the neighbour's kids play out on the street and on their front lawn and everyone else's. It was almost a habit for Faith to just sit there whenever the kids were out. Even though the area they lived in was relatively demon and vampire free, she was always on high alert. Leah knew about everything, she'd told her about three weeks after they'd been sleeping together. It didn't even faze her, and the only thing she'd said was that she always knew there were things lurking in the shadows beyond just her imagination.

She thought back to how she and Leah even met. She'd been out drinking, not drunk at first, just buzzing. She'd seen Leah across the club surrounded by a group of people she assumed were her friends. The moment their eyes locked, Faith knew she had to have her. She'd been with women before, here and there, and at the time she was going on a rather big dry spell, having stopped sleeping with men completely. There was just something about the way a woman felt when she fucked her that made her start to question her ambidextrous sexuality. Leah was different from the other women. One night with her hadn't been enough for Faith.

It had definitely been a first, coming back for seconds, for thirds, until she stepped back and asked herself if she really wanted more. The dreams of Buffy were getting to her, she knew that, but there was something else there. The need to just be with someone who really did want to be with her too. After awhile, things just evolved naturally between them and it led them to where they were now. She knew that Leah was in love with her, she'd said it a couple of times after they'd spent hours making love and fucking in bed and around the house. It surprisingly didn't even scare her off the first time she heard those words. It just made her kiss Leah harder, hoping that if she distracted her enough that she wouldn't be expected to say those words back to her.

"Are you coming to bed or are you heading out for a couple hours?" Leah asked as she ran her hand over Faith's bare arm, smiling at her as Faith turned to look at her.

"I'm sure I can ditch patrol for one night," Faith replied with a grin as she picked up the phone and let Leah lead the way back inside. "Isn't it a little early to go to bed?"

"Who said we'd be sleeping right away?" Leah winked as she waited for Faith to lock the door and flip off the lights. "I've already locked the back up, come on."

Faith put the phone down on the base and let Leah tug her down the hallway to their room. Even though she wasn't Buffy, she was still probably one of the sexiest women Faith had ever been with. Leah was taller than her by a couple inches, lean and tanned. She had legs that went on forever, an ass so perfect and tits that weren't big, just big enough for Faith to fit them into the palm of her hand. Her eyes were deep, intense green, a contrast against her long black hair. She had a smile that flashed a set of perfectly straight and blindingly white teeth. Faith groaned at the thought of what that tongue of hers truly was capable of.

"I know what you're thinking about right now," Leah whispered as she grabbed onto the front of Faith's tank top and pulled her towards the bed. "You always think about me right before we..."

"Can't help it. You're fucking sexy."

"Is that right?"

"Oh yeah," Faith growled playfully as she tackled her to the bed. "Very fucking sexy."

She kissed Leah nice and deep, her hands roaming over her body and under her clothes. She loved to take her time with Leah, to tease her until she practically begged for her to just take her, no holds barred. The phone rang and Faith pulled away from her slowly, groaning as she reached over to pick up the phone that sat on the nightstand. She rolled off of Leah, ignoring the pout sent her way as she put the phone to her ear.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry to bother you, Faith."

"No big, Angel. What's up?"

She ignored the eye roll Leah gave her as she sat up on the bed. Angel was asking her to swing by the local cemetery to check the vampire activity there. He'd gotten a few tips from his unnamed contacts that there were a handful of vampires that had headed up her way. The phone call was short and she hung up without saying a word.

"You've got to go out, don't you?"

"I'm sorry," Faith said softly as she leaned over and gave her a soft kiss. "I won't be too late."

"Be careful," Leah said with a forced smile as she lay on the bed and watched Faith as she pulled on some socks and her boots and slipped on her jacket quickly. "You left a stake out in the living room. Your favourite one."

"Thanks. Almost forgot where I left it last night."

"Oh and Faith?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"If you're really late tonight, don't expect me to wait up for you."

Faith nodded as she walked over to the bed and knelt down and gave her a long, passionate kiss. "I never expect you to wait up for me. I just like it when you do."

After giving her one last kiss, Faith headed out. The local cemetery was about three blocks away and she never drove, always walked. She walked slowly for the first two blocks, kicking the gravel on the road as she tried to clear her head. A part of her was actually just a little bit relieved that phone call had come in. No matter how much she did really want to be with Leah, she wasn't feeling up to it. Especially not after the phone call with Xander and having her head full of thoughts of Buffy all day long.

As warm as the night was, the wind picked up as she reached the cemetery and she shivered as she slipped past the gates, the iron rusted and permanently open about a foot and a half wide. She hated slaying and Angel had asked her only to just keep an eye on things around there. Most nights she came across nothing and was only out there for an hour, tops. She had a sinking feeling tonight wasn't one of those quiet nights with mistaken information from Angel, at least not like the last time. She cracked her neck as she walked deeper into the cemetery, feeling her senses come alive with every step she took.

A smile crept over her lips as she spotted four vampires hanging around near the oldest mausoleum in the cemetery. She hadn't had a good fight in years, but despite that she was still in shape. At least she hoped to hell she was. Taking on four vampires was hard, even for a seasoned slayer like herself. She was craving a good fight, though she didn't realize just how much until the vampires spotted her and her heart began to race.

"Hello boys," Faith chuckled as they surrounded her, staring her up and down, trying to intimidate her as they began to circle her slowly. "Now, you know something? It's been awhile since I had a good fight. Which one of you wants to go first?"

The only response she got was a low growl from the vampire standing closest to her. She swung around, kicking him square in the chest and sending him flying back a dozen feet. A surge of adrenaline shot through her body and she went after the next one, taking him down in seconds without a fight. The three that were left stood stock still as she brushed the dust from her clothes and twirled her stake in her hand. It was times like this when she did miss the thrill of the slay and she chuckled sadistically as she went after one of them, kicking him so hard in the chest she heard the bones break.

She spun around just in time to see the knife the tallest vamp wielded. She gripped his arm, twisting the knife away from him and kicked him back far enough for her to grab the knife and throw it so it lodged into the closest tree. She hated when they fought with weapons. It didn't seem fair on her part, then again it never was. She pulled her hair away from her face, feeling the small beads of sweat rolling down her back as she looked around at the two vampires as they tried to get up from the ground. The third one, the one who hadn't made a move, just eyed her, daring her silently to try to take him and the other two on.

The first one charged after her first, catching her slightly off guard. She sent him flying back with yet another kick to his already broken chest and smirked when she heard him groan out in pain. She took on the second vampire, blocking a flurry of punches he sent her way. It had been far too long since she'd fought vampires who tested her this way. She welcomed it. It made her muscles ache, her hands throb in welcome pain with every blow she sent to his face.

One by one she took the last three out, then made her way to the nearest tree, leaning on it as she tried to catch her breath. The adrenaline was surging through her almost violently now and she tucked her stake into her jacket pocket as she quickly made her way out of the cemetery and headed home.

Leah was already sleeping when she quietly walked into the bedroom nearly twenty minutes later, and with a dejected sigh she stripped out of her clothes before heading for the bathroom to take a quick shower. The hot water felt good against her tense muscles and she stood there under the water for a good ten minutes before she got out and headed for bed. The aftermath of her adrenaline rush had left her exhausted. She got into bed and smiled as Leah moved to curl up next to her. She gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head and closed her eyes, waiting to slip into her dream world where Buffy always waited.

****

_Faith opened her eyes and she knew she was dreaming. The small room she always found herself in was illuminated by the soft sun streaming in through the windows. She walked around the room, feeling the warmth of the sunlight against her skin every time she walked past one of the many windows. Buffy was there, somewhere. She could feel her._

_"B?" She called out as she stopped at the only door in the room. "Buffy?"_

_"Yeah?" Buffy asked softly as she walked up from behind her. "I was wondering when you'd come. I've been waiting for you."_

_"Had a situation to take care of."_

_"Did you get hurt?"_

_"Nah, you know me, always walk away without a scratch," Faith chuckled as she turned to look at her, her breath nearly taken away at the sight of Buffy standing in front of her. "You look good, B."_

_"You always say that."_

_Faith smiled down at her as she reached up and tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ears before she leaned in and kissed her lightly. "I always say it cos you always look good."_

_"I don't want to talk right now," Buffy whispered as she pulled Faith towards the bed in the middle of the room. "I just want to be with you. I need you, Faith."_

_It gave her chills to hear Buffy say that and she wasted no more time as she captured Buffy's lips with her own and kissed her with such fiery passion it made her toes curl and her skin burn for more. Most nights they didn't do much else other than talk, but there were nights where all Buffy wanted was to make love until one of them woke up. Either way, Faith wished she could just stay there with her. She wished she would never wake up since she never felt happier than she did when she was there with Buffy, wherever they were._

_She could feel Buffy's hands as they slowly inched her shirt up and she pulled away from the kiss, laughing softly as she pulled her shirt off and gently nudged Buffy down onto the bed. She wore only a white silk robe and it contrasted against her tanned skin perfectly. Faith stripped out of her shorts and stood there before her, allowing Buffy a moment just to let her eyes roam over her body and drink every inch of her in._

_Faith wanted to speak, but she couldn't find any words. She just lowered herself to the bed, her hands already gliding over the softness of the robe and pulling it apart. Their lips met again in a soft, passionate kiss as Buffy rolled them over and quickly shed the robe as she settled between Faith's legs. They both moaned at the contact, hands gripping at bare skin as their hips set a slow, deliciously pleasurable pace together._

_It was never fast, it was never rough, not between them. It was always slow, tender. It was as if even in their dreams, time came to a stop just for a moment and they became completely lost in one another. And even in their dreams, it felt too real and it was how in the beginning that Faith knew it wasn't just a figment of her imagination. She was really there with Buffy and they were together, possibly in love, and the only way they could be together was just like this._

_"Oh Faith," Buffy moaned softly as she pulled her lips away for a moment to catch her breath. "I've been waiting all day for you."_

_"I've been waiting my whole life for you," Faith whispered softly as she pulled her back down, their lips and tongues devouring each other as Faith swept her hands over Buffy's back and came to rest on her ass. She thrust up hard into Buffy, holding her there as she felt the first waves of her orgasm begin to roll through her._

_"Faith," Buffy breathed out slowly as she gripped onto Faith's hip. "Harder, baby."_

_She could feel the thin layer of perspiration building on her skin as she thrust harder into Buffy. Her lips latched onto Buffy's neck as soon as she threw her head back a little, both of their bodies shuddering gently as they came hard and fast together. She bit down on Buffy's skin just a little, knowing just how she liked it right there. It was her sensitive spot, one of many she'd discovered over the years of spending time with her right where they were._

_"It's never long enough," Buffy whispered as she collapsed on top of Faith. "It's never going to be enough, is it?"_

_"No," Faith replied softly as she held Buffy close. "It's never going to be long enough and it's never going to be enough."_

_"I'd come to you, but I can't."_

_"Why?"_

_"I want to stay lost. I want to stay alone."_

_"Stay alone where?"_

_"Here," she whispered as she lifted her head and placed a soft lingering kiss on her lips. "When I'm ready, I'll come home. I'm not ready yet."_

_"It's been five years."_

_"I know."_

_"I love you, Buffy."_

_"Do you?"_

_Faith nodded her head slowly as she reached up and gently stroked her long blond hair. "I do. I've always loved you. It's different now."_

_"Are you in love with me?"_

_"Yes," she said softly. "You know that I am in love with you."_

_"I know."_

_Faith laid there for a moment just holding onto her, holding onto the hope that this time Buffy would say the words back to her. She never did before, always showing how she felt in other ways. Faith did hold onto the hope that one day she'd hear Buffy tell her that she loved her, but it was hopeless in a way. Buffy would never tell her. It was just the way it was between them and it was just the way it'd always be._

_Every night they were together, she always had a hundred questions she wanted to ask. She never got the chance though. Most times that she had tried, Buffy would wake herself up and Faith would find herself there in the room, wherever the room was, and encased in sudden darkness. She learned after the first couple of times not to question things. Whatever made Buffy scared of whatever it was they had together, the questions were what made her run. She just wanted to know she was safe. She wanted to know where she was, not so she could find her and see her outside their dreams, but to know she was really there. To touch her, to see her, to feel her outside the hidden realm of dreams was the only thing she wanted in the last five years._

_It was the only thing she needed._

_They kissed for the longest while, their arms holding onto each other tight as if they were both afraid to let go. Faith never wanted to leave the soft confines of Buffy's arms, never wanted to lose the feeling of her soft body on top of her own, or beneath hers. She loved being surrounded by Buffy, feeling only her. She loved tasting Buffy upon her lips and tongue. She loved the way Buffy's skin felt against her fingertips and how they just seemed to fit so perfectly together when they just laid there._

_She could feel the edges of reality beginning to tug her back, pull her away, and she gave Buffy one last kiss and whispered a soft goodbye before she found herself surrounded by complete darkness and warmth. She wanted to stay, she needed to stay, but she couldn't._

_It was just a dream. It was only ever just a dream._

****

She woke to the sunlight streaming in through the window and an empty bed next to her. She groaned softly as she stretched out, feeling that delicious ache all over that she always felt after spending her dreams with Buffy. It made her wonder too if they ever could have this in their reality and if it would be just as it was in their dreams. Anything was possible, she knew that, but she'd been holding onto the hope for far too long that one day Buffy would come home.

Buffy didn't want to be found, to be bothered. Time and time again she'd told Faith just that in their dreams. No matter how many times she had told her just that, Faith always felt that lingering bit of unhappiness just from the tone of her voice. Wherever Buffy was, even as alone as she was, she wasn't happy. She'd never be happy. She made sure she never would and even Faith knew her well enough to know why she made her life so difficult, why she made it impossible to feel even just the tiniest strand of happiness she deserved to have.

"Faith?" Leah called out from the kitchen. "Are you up yet?"

"Yeah."

"I put a pot of coffee on for you."

"Cool," she groaned softly as she climbed out of bed and quickly threw on some clothes.

"I got called in to work this morning," Leah said to her as she walked into the kitchen. "I shouldn't be too long."

Faith nodded as she reached for a mug and poured herself a cup of coffee. She watched as Leah packed her camera into her bag carefully. She didn't work too often, but when she did the hours were long. She did mostly freelance work, but a private company had her on call most weekends when one of the other photographers wasn't around. She was talented, Faith knew she was, and told her that almost every day. There were framed pictures that she'd taken over the years all over the house and proudly displayed.

"Do you want me to stop at the store on the way home later?"

"Do we need anything?" Faith asked as she leaned against the counter and took a small sip of her coffee. Leah shrugged as she slung the strap over her shoulder and walked up to Faith to give her a soft kiss. "Careful driving down to the city, babe."

"I'll call you when I'm on my way home."

She gave Faith one last kiss before grabbing her keys off the counter and heading for the front door. Faith sighed out softly as she turned to look out the back window and watched as the dark clouds began to roll in overhead. There was a bad storm coming. She could sense it. She felt it before she even woke up. It made her bones ache, a dull and painful ache she couldn't shake off. She walked to the front door and stood on the front porch, watching as Leah loaded her car with her camera bag and a few small boxes. She smiled over at her, blowing her a kiss as she got into the car and backed out of the driveway.

She stood there on the front porch for awhile, sipping her coffee and watching as the sun disappeared behind the dark clouds. Thunder rumbled off in the distance, causing her to shiver slightly, and she headed back inside before it started to rain.

She'd seen the look in Leah's eyes before she'd left. It was almost like she knew that Faith had been with Buffy while she slept. She didn't know how or why she thought Leah might know. She knew for certain that she never talked in her sleep, but it was a gut feeling and she always listened to her gut. She knew that Leah knew she'd never come close to being what Buffy was to her. She always felt guilty too, almost like she was cheating on either Leah or Buffy, depending on the way each day went and how each dream unfolded.

She grabbed another cup of coffee before heading to the spare room to try to get most of the junk out of there. It was mostly Leah's things she'd brought with her when she'd moved in. Books, knickknacks and other random things that they hadn't found a place around the house for yet. One by one, she carried the boxes up to the attic and with the last box she stayed up there and walked to the old wardrobe she had sitting against the far wall. It was locked and she always kept the key on the necklace she wore. She slipped the necklace off, her fingers running over the small cross for a moment before she slid the key into the lock and opened it.

Inside were old weapons, old clothes, and a picture, the only picture in existence, of her and Buffy together. It'd been taken shortly after they all arrived in LA after they defeated the first. They were sitting on an old, worn couch in the hotel they'd chosen to stay in. They'd been talking and that conversation was forever burned in Faith's mind. Buffy told her she needed to go off and be alone. She told her that she'd forgiven her for all the wrong and all the bad things that had happened in their past and she thanked her for being there for all of them and for fighting at her side without ever backing down.

Willow had taken the picture. She'd gone around that day with an old camera she'd found in her hotel room. It was months after everyone separated and went their own ways that she'd gotten the picture in the mail one day. It once had been framed and placed on her dresser in her room, but it had since moved from the frame to being taped inside the wardrobe. She didn't want to explain to Leah why she had a picture of her and Buffy framed and close by. Leah was slightly possessive in a way, sometimes it scared her since Buffy had been such a big part of her life and still was.

But Leah, or anyone else for that matter, didn't need to know that. Even telling Angel about the dreams had been hard enough as it was. She sighed as she ran her fingers along the edge of the photograph. It made her smile a little to know that at the time they'd been completely oblivious that a picture had been taken while they talked. The way Buffy looked at her always mesmerized her and was forever captured, just a single moment in time. There was love, pure love, shining in her eyes that was clearly visible. She'd seen it so many times before too, never having thought much about it until Buffy was out of her life and invading her dreams.

"I miss you, B," she whispered as she closed the wardrobe and locked it back up.

A loud boom of thunder rattled the house as she slipped the necklace back on and headed for the stairs. She grabbed her mug she'd left in the spare room and headed for the kitchen, standing there by the back window just watching as the waves picked up and the rain came down in sheets. Lightning zigzagged across the sky, hypnotizing her for the mere seconds it lit up the darkening sky. She always loved storms, especially the intense ones. It gave her an adrenaline rush much like one she felt while slaying. It made her skin tingle with anticipation of more and that alone reminded her of the way Buffy made her feel even when she just thought of her.

She knew she'd have to tell Xander about the dreams. He deserved to know and so did Dawn. They worried about Buffy just as much as she did and all they ever wanted to know was that she was still alive. The dreams had started out that way, with just the two of them talking and Buffy assuring her she was still very much alive. It evolved over time, just like a natural relationship would. But it was different for them, there was something much deeper there than just what they had.

She wanted to know just what that was one day. Leah could never make her feel the way Buffy did and she never would. She was just there for now, a stable fixture in her life that kept her rooted, kept her sane. She did know that in some ways, she did love Leah, but she wasn't in love with her. Her heart had been reserved only for Buffy and it would stay that way until Buffy came to claim it as her own.

Until then, all she had was her dreams and hope that one day it'd come true, that it'd become real.


	3. Chapter 2

Two nights passed without another dream and Faith was growing restless as she usually did when she went a few nights without seeing Buffy. The storm had been raging for two days too, and it was making her feel agitated and cooped up, boxed in. Leah hadn't been home since she left for work, most roads having been flooded and closed until further notice. It gave her a little too much time to think and that was never a good thing, especially not considering the state of mind she was now in.

She'd cleaned the entire house, twice, out of sheer boredom. It gave her a chance to go just a few hours without thoughts of Buffy and the dreams and the meaning behind it all. Maybe Angel had been right before and she needed to get in touch with Giles, have him figure out if these were shared dreams or if they were in fact just a figment of her imagination.

Or maybe Buffy had figured out what she'd been trying to do for the last several months. She had tried to find out where she was, where Buffy took them during their dreams. It changed every so often; the room, the bed, the temperature, and the smells. It made her wonder if they went to wherever Buffy was living at the time. It was too much to hope for, though. Maybe the change in the dreams was just for that, change, with no other meaning behind it all.

Yeah, she was definitely losing it.

She grabbed a fresh bottle of wine and a glass and sat down at the kitchen table, watching the rain as it hit the sliding door glass. She had all the lights off aside from a single candle that burned on the table. Leah would kill her for using them. She was meticulous about little, petty things like that, and yet she just didn't care. With the candlelight and the storm raging outside and a glass of wine, she was able to relax. She wanted to call Leah just to talk to her, hear her voice even just for a couple of minutes. The phones had been out for the better part of the day and she couldn't even get a signal on her cell. She missed her, she could admit that much, but she couldn't let herself think of the deeper reasons why.

She wasn't in love with Leah. She didn't believe it was possible to be in love with two very different women at the same time. She didn't easily acknowledge that she even believed in love, but she knew that's how she felt when it came to Buffy. At least she could admit that much to herself for the time being. She knew Leah wouldn't stick around if she ever found out how she felt about Buffy. She couldn't lose her, though. Leah had become her rock in the past seven months and despite the relationship still being new and having moved rather quickly, she wasn't ready for it to end. Not yet.

"Thinking is not good," she muttered to herself as she reached for the bottle and topped up her glass. "Thinking is so not fucking good right now. It's just gonna make everything a hell of a lot worse."

She chuckled softly, shaking her head and feeling rather ridiculous for talking to herself. It wasn't like it mattered, she'd done it plenty of times before, but she really hated being alone now. Her inner demons always came out to play when she was alone for too long, and she was finding that two days was in fact far too long for her. Since she had started seeing Leah, they hadn't gone this long without seeing each other. It was truly starting to drive her crazy, trying to make sense of why she missed her so much, forcing down the answer that kept creeping up, wanting to be seen, to be heard.

A part of her really couldn't wait for Xander and Dawn's visit. She needed to be surrounded by others to ward off all the thoughts she'd been fighting with for the last couple of days. She quickly downed the entire glass of wine, already feeling a little buzzed as she poured herself yet another full glass. If she was going to be alone for another night, she wanted to sleep alone without Buffy coming to her in her dreams. She couldn't deal with seeing Buffy now, as much as she wanted to. There was just too much going through her head.

"Drinking alone is never a good sign," Leah said softly from the kitchen doorway, startling Faith since she hadn't heard her come in. "I hope there's enough left in that bottle for me."

"I thought you..."

"Took the long way home, found a couple roads that were still open. I couldn't stay in the city any longer. You know how much it drives me insane to be apart from you too long."

Faith smiled over at her as she watched her slowly walk across the kitchen, dropping her bag by the fridge before she grabbed a glass and joined Faith at the table. Faith waited until she'd poured herself a glass of wine before pulling her onto her lap and kissing her deeply. Leah laughed, pulling back from the kiss as Faith ran her hands under her shirt and over the smooth skin of her lower back.

"As much as I missed you, I'm exhausted from the drive home. I just want to have a glass of wine and get to bed," Leah said softly, planting a light kiss on Faith's lips before sliding off of her lap and sitting on the chair next to her. "What'd you do for the last couple of days?"

"Not much," she shrugged as she reached for her glass, trying not to sound so pissed off. "Cleaned the place up, sat around and thought about things."

"What kind of things?"

"Nothing interesting," she said quickly. "How was work?"

"Busy."

Faith let out a dejected sigh as she leaned back in her chair and looked over at Leah. Sometimes she got the feeling that Leah wasn't always telling her everything. She knew it wasn't exactly fair to expect Leah to be openly honest with her when she couldn't even talk about her past. Although the lack of talking about anything had been normal between them, she felt like sometimes they did need to talk and Leah completely avoided it all together. She didn't even want to start to think of reasons why. There was no point in driving herself insane trying to figure it out and come up with things that probably weren't even true, or realistic.

She had to stop thinking too much. It wasn't healthy. Angel had told her that years ago. It's what got her woven in deep with her inner demons and her conscience, and she couldn't afford to slip away like she had nearly ten years before. She'd come a long way from who she used to be, and even in her dreams she knew that Buffy saw those changes too. It was impossible not to see the changes she'd been through since Sunnydale. Even Xander had been able to notice them just by talking with her over the phone every couple of months.

"When are your friends supposed to be arriving?"

"Friday night, I think," Faith shrugged, her conversation with Xander the day before having been cut off as the phones went down. "Why?"

"I have to work on Saturday. I was going to drive into the city on Friday afternoon and stay with my parents."

"Oh."

"I'll be here on Sunday, though. I'll get to meet your friends and we'll have lunch and swap stories. I'm sure they can tell me things I want to know about you that you've never told me," Leah said, winking as she reached for Faith's hand. "Don't worry, I won't ask for anything but those embarrassing stories."

"Great," Faith laughed as she rolled her eyes. "I really don't think there are any embarrassing stories to be told."

"I'm sure there is at least one."

"I did a lot of stupid things back then, never anything embarrassing."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she let go of Leah's hand. "Speaking of your parents, when am I going to get to meet them?"

"Soon."

"You still haven't told them about us, have you?"

"Faith," Lean sighed as she turned to look at her. "I keep trying to tell them about us. They are very closed-minded people. I'm just waiting for the right time to tell them, that's all."

Faith shook her head as she ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips. She knew the day she started seeing Leah that she was getting into a relationship that wasn't exactly out in the open. Their friends knew about them, but Leah's family didn't. Even though she wasn't the first woman Leah had been in a relationship with, she had a funny feeling she wouldn't be the last before Leah finally found the courage to come out to her parents and the rest of her family. Faith wasn't going to push her, but it was getting harder as the weeks went on. Hearing Leah lie to her parents whenever she talked to them over the phone about whether or not she was dating anyone stung the most.

She thought back to her early teens and to the first girl she'd been with back in Boston. She couldn't even remember her name now, she just remembered her face and the way she felt when they'd spend hours making out in her tiny bedroom while their mothers drank until they passed out. Her mother had known and hadn't made a big deal out of it since Faith still had boyfriends here and there. She wondered if that was what really messed her up for the longest time, the losers she'd dated and the girls she'd fool around with every once in awhile. Even in Sunnydale, she found a random girl to fuck every once in awhile, but there'd always been something missing.

After Sunnydale, for two months, she and Robin had dated. She gave the guy a chance, but it just didn't feel right. It wasn't the same way her relationship with Leah didn't feel right either. It wasn't until after she broke down one night, sobbing uncontrollably in Robin's arms, that she realized just who she really was. They parted on good terms, Robin wishing her the best before he moved to New York City. She hadn't heard from him since, and Xander said that Giles had a suspicion that he was possibly dead by now. Now that she thought about it, it wasn't until after she'd told Robin that she was gay that the dreams with Buffy had started.

"Always thinking," Leah chuckled as she ran her hand over Faith's thigh. "Are you coming to bed soon?"

"Nah, I'm not tired yet."

"You aren't going to go out on patrol tonight, are you?"

"What are you, crazy?" Faith laughed. "I'd probably drown in the rain by the time I got to the end of the driveway."

"We couldn't have that," Leah smiled as she leaned over to kiss her softly. "Try not to stay up too late."

"I'll try."

"You know I hate sleeping alone for too long when there's a storm like this going on."

"I know. I'm gonna finish this glass and have one more and I'll be there in a bit, okay?"

Leah gave her one last kiss before picking up her empty wine glass and putting it in the sink. She grabbed her bag from where she'd left it and headed for the bedroom, looking back at Faith once to blow her a kiss before she walked out of the kitchen. Faith smiled to herself a little before topping up her glass and relaxing back in the chair.

She ignored the nagging of her subconscious that was trying to tell her something was going on with Leah. She ignored the sinking feeling that there was a high possibility that Leah was cheating on her. She ignored the dreaded feeling that she might just be right and sipped her wine and closed her eyes, shutting out the voices inside her head. But, when she really sat back and allowed herself to think about it, there was a good chance that she was right. Every weekend for the past couple of weeks Leah had been called in to work. Sometimes she'd be home late that night, sometimes she wouldn't come home until the next day. Of course she could just be trying to find something wrong with the relationship. Angel had warned her that there was a chance it'd get to that point since she was in love with someone she couldn't have.

She could feel the tears stinging at her eyes and she laughed to herself as she wiped them away. This was what thinking too much got her, a whole set of emotions that were pointless to even feel. She was letting her thoughts get out of control and the wine wasn't helping at all. It was only making it worse. She shrugged as she drank nearly the entire glass in one go before she blew out the candle and stumbled towards the bedroom, struggling to keep from falling over her own two feet.

Despite the rain and the cool air that had come with it, the bedroom was warm and damp. She stripped out of her clothes and fell face first onto the bed. She heard Leah groan softly as she rolled onto her side away from her. She struggled with the sheets until she managed to pull them partway over her and closed her eyes, feeling the alcohol running through her body and sending her into what she hoped wasn't another dreamless sleep.

****

_Faith felt those ever-familiar warm hands trailing up and down her bare back. She felt the hum in her body intensify with every touch. She could feel the soft breath on the back of her neck before a pair of warm, wet lips laid a gentle kiss upon her skin._

_"__I missed you," Buffy whispered into her hair. "I waited for you and you never came."_

_"__I'm sorry," she croaked out as she turned her head to look at Buffy. "I wanted to come, B. Don't know why I didn't, or couldn't."_

_"__It doesn't matter now. You're here."_

_Faith smiled as she reached over and ran her fingers delicately over Buffy's jaw. She could see slight bruising and she opened her eyes a little wider in alarm. "You're hurt."_

_"__Ran into a couple of demons today," Buffy shrugged. "I took care of it."_

_Faith gave her a gentle kiss over her bruised jaw, then rolled onto her back and looked around the room. It was different now and she could only faintly hear the roar of the waves nearby. If she'd been right before about the location of her dreams, it meant Buffy had gone to yet another place in yet another country._

_"__Where are we now?"_

_"__Here," Buffy replied emotionlessly. "We're always here."_

_"__No," Faith shook her head as she looked over at her. "We're somewhere else now."_

_"__Does it matter where we are?"_

_"__It does to me."_

_"__I don't want to be found. Not yet."_

_"__I know," Faith sighed as she ran the tips of her fingers down Buffy's bare arm, watching as goose bumps formed on her skin. "What if I want to find you?"_

_"__Why?"_

_"__You know why."_

_"__We could never have this, not out there," Buffy whispered. "It's different out there."_

_"__I just want to know you are somewhere safe."_

_"__I'm always somewhere safe," she replied as she reached for Faith's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Why does it matter where I am? I come to you every night, and I wait for you every night even when you never come."_

_"__It isn't the same," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy in close to her. "It feels real here, but it's not real enough for me anymore, B. I need you out there. I need you in my life and not just in my dreams. Can I ever have that?"_

_"__I told you we can't."_

_"__Why?"_

_Faith watched her as she thought for a moment and saw the tears spring to her eyes. She watched her as she blinked them away and she kissed away the few tears that had fallen. She wanted to know and she was tired of waiting for the answers she feared she'd never hear._

_"__Why?" She repeated when minutes had passed without a single word. "Just tell me, B. You owe me that much."_

_"__I owe you? I don't think I owe you a goddamn thing, Faith!"_

_"__For five years I've been with you in our dreams. You've stolen my heart and you've invaded my head, Buffy. I think you do owe me some answers."_

_"__You aren't in love with me."_

_"__No? I'd like to say otherwise."_

_"__No," Buffy shook her head slowly. "You are in love with the illusion of me. This would never be like this out there, Faith. You and I both know that."_

_"__I don't know that, Buffy. What are you so fucking afraid of?"_

_"__You," she replied, her voice trembling as more tears began to fall. I'm afraid that what we have here won't be the same. I don't want to lose this."_

_"__And what is this?"_

_"__Love? Comfort? An escape?" Buffy shrugged. "I really don't know sometimes. It always feels different, but there's one thing I always feel whenever I'm here with you."_

_"__What's that?"_

_"__Happy."_

_Their lips crashed together as a wave of passion and need and desire flooded through them both. This was what felt right for Faith. It made her feel safe, feel loved, feel like she'd found 'home' within Buffy. Of course, the added bonus was that most of their dreams had been spent naked in a bed together, but it didn't always end up with them making love for what felt like hours before she woke._

_Despite how numb her body felt, she could still feel Buffy beneath her as she deepened the kiss and lightly ran her hand down Buffy's side, revelling in the feel of the soft skin under her fingertips. There'd been many nights she'd spent just worshipping Buffy's body, getting to know just how she liked to be touched and where those sweet spots of hers were that had her writhing and begging for more. There was only one place Faith had in mind and she was taking her sweet time, teasing every inch of skin she could along the way._

_"__Think about how good this could feel out there," she whispered against Buffy's lips. "We wouldn't have to wake up. We could spend the entire day in bed and fall asleep and do it all over again here in our dreams."_

_"__Faith..."_

_"__I could make you come more times than you can count," she groaned softly as she moved her fingers over Buffy's hipbone, scratching her nails lightly over the skin. "Don't you ever wonder how much better it could be outside of here, B?"_

_She held her breath as she dipped her fingers lower, finding how wet Buffy was for her, because of her, at the first light touch. She ran her fingers teasingly over her clit, feeling her lover's body tense beneath her own, and listened as she heard both their hearts begin to race._

_"__It would feel just like this, B. Just like this," she whispered breathlessly as she slid a single finger inside of her hot, dripping core. "The only difference," she gasped, Buffy's fingers digging into her shoulders as she thrust a second finger inside of her, "is that it'll be real."_

_"__Faith I...I'm coming."_

_"__So soon?" She chuckled as she stared down at Buffy, those intense green eyes staring right back up at her. "You've never come so soon."_

_"__No," she moaned as she raised her hips into Faith's hand. "I meant I'm coming...to see you."_

_"__How do you even know where I am?"_

_"__I've come there once before," she whispered as she pulled Faith down for a long, lazy kiss. "I saw you with her, the woman you live with. I couldn't...it felt wrong to walk up to the door after I saw you with her."_

_"__She means nothing to me, Buffy."_

_"__But she is there right now with you, lying next to you, dreaming of you while you're here with me. It's wrong, Faith. It's so wrong."_

_"__It doesn't feel wrong."_

_"__No," Buffy gasped as Faith thrust her fingers inside her deeper. "It doesn't feel wrong, but it is."_

_"__Buffy..."_

_"__I'll come see you," she whispered as she closed her eyes. "Soon."_

_And just like that, Buffy was gone and Faith laid there on the bed, feeling so empty yet so full at the same time. The words echoed in her mind as she forced herself to leave there too, to wake up and try to make sense of what had just happened. It didn't work. Every time she closed and opened her eyes she was still there on the bed, her fingers sticky and warm and her body covered in a thin sheet of sweat. Her lips were still burning from the feel of Buffy's lips against them and she licked them slowly, tasting her only faintly and wishing she hadn't left so soon._

****

She blinked again, expecting to still be stuck in the dream, but this time she actually woke up to the sound of the birds chirping outside the window and the sunlight streaming in. The air smelled damp still from the storm, but it was over now and she could hear only the gentle crash of waves as they hit the shore along with the sounds of Leah moving around in the kitchen.

The only thought she had right then was what Buffy had said to her. She'd been there, _there_, and within the last seven months! How had she not known that Buffy was there, that she'd seen her and Leah? She'd always been able to _feel_ Buffy, yet she hadn't noticed any difference in that low hum over the last seven months. And she knew that if she'd seen Buffy she wouldn't have known how to take it, likely would have just chalked it up to her imagination and wanting so badly to see her outside of her dreams.

"Babe?" Leah called out as she walked towards the bedroom door that was open just a couple of inches. "Are you up yet?"

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry?"

"When am I not?" Faith chuckled as she slowly sat up in bed as Leah walked in. "Did you make breakfast?"

"Was about to go out and grab something to eat," she replied as she walked over to the closet and pulled out some clothes. "Do you want anything?"

"The usual."

"Jimmy is coming by later," she said as she pulled on a pair of faded jean shorts and turned to face Faith.

"How much later?"

"As in ten minutes from now," Leah chuckled as she walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss Faith. "You might want to get dressed before he gets here."

"Right," Faith nodded as she pulled Leah down for one more kiss and watched as she found her bra and slipped it on before pulling on a faded black tank. "Haven't seen your brother for a while."

"He's in town for a couple of days and doesn't want to go see the rest of the family just yet. He called earlier and I told him he could come by just for the day. That's cool with you, right?"

"Sure," Faith shrugged as she rolled onto her side, her eyes never leaving Leah's as she stood at the foot of the bed. "So, I guess this means we'll have to play the roommate act for the day?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Can I at least get one last kiss, babe?"

"I should just run and get breakfast so I can make it back here before he gets here," Leah stammered as she fiddled with the edges of her frayed jean shorts. "Rain check?"

Faith nodded, hiding her disappointment from Leah as she flashed a forced smile. She buried her head into her pillow as soon as Leah walked out of the bedroom and she tried to fall back asleep. As always, she never felt fully rested after seeing Buffy in her dreams. After a minute she forced herself to get out of bed anyway and threw on a pair of basketball shorts and a loose fitted white t-shirt. The air was already becoming sticky and hot, and she threw her hair up into a loose, lazy ponytail as she walked out of the bedroom and headed straight for the front door to grab the morning paper from the garden, just as she did most mornings.

In the last seven months, Leah's brother had come to visit them three times. The last time was about two months back and he'd slept on the couch for a week. Faith gave up the bedroom to sleep in the cluttered spare room, always sneaking into the bedroom in the middle of the night to be with Leah for a few short hours. Twice Jimmy had almost caught them and both times Leah had made up an excuse that she'd been having nightmares and that Faith was only there to comfort her. Faith knew the kid, barely eighteen, wasn't stupid. A little vapid and naive, but not stupid.

She knew this visit would go just as the last ones had. She'd act like nothing more than Leah's roommate and sneak in those soft, gentle kisses here and there whenever he wasn't looking. It would be easier this time. Something had changed since Leah had come home. Any other time, if she was gone for just a couple hours, they'd spend a good portion of the night fucking until Leah passed out, completely spent and leaving Faith aching for more. Leah hadn't even wanted to kiss her when she'd come home this time and it made her brain accelerate into the over thinking mode she'd been stuck in for two days straight.

If she was perfectly honest, and she owed that much to herself, she had to admit that she was tired of this charade. Tired of the lies, tired of covering up the fact that they were very much in a relationship, living together, fucking each other to oblivion nearly every night. Then she had to stop and wonder if it'd be the same thing with Buffy. Would they hide their relationship from her friends, her family, and the rest of the goddamn world? It made her feel as if there was something about her that made others ashamed to be with her.

There was nothing to be ashamed of when it came to her. She was a good woman now who always put everyone else before herself. She treated Leah like she was a Goddess, most days anyway, and despite the fact that she wasn't in love with Leah, she still acted as if she was. She wasn't ugly or deformed and she knew it was one of those things that really didn't matter. There was just something about her and she wondered if it was the whole 'gay' thing. If it was, it'd be okay. It'd make a lot of sense, but she knew it was more than that. It was always more than that.

She'd been standing there on the front porch for nearly ten minutes, completely lost in her own thoughts. She was glad that for once none of the neighbours were out and about. It must have been quite an odd sight to see her just standing there staring ahead blankly at nothing as her mind went into overdrive. She walked down the steps and around to where the paper lay in the garden. Always in the same spot, day after day. She shook her head as she bent over and picked it up just as a cab pulled up in the driveway.

She forced a smile as Jimmy climbed out of the backseat and thrust the driver a wad of crumpled money. He waved at her as he walked around to the trunk and pulled out his overstuffed duffle bag. He looked so much like Leah, just the male version of her. Tall, skinny, black shaggy hair and the same deep green eyes that always had stared at her with the same intensity that shone in Leah's eyes.

"Hey, Faith."

"Jimmy," she nodded as he walked up the front path and climbed the steps. "Leah just stepped out to get breakfast."

"Cool," he shrugged as he walked past her and into the house. She watched as he dropped his bag by the door and slipped off his well-worn shoes, the same pair of Chuck Taylors she'd been informed were practically attached to his feet at all times. "Have you seen the size of the waves out there?"

"Yeah," she nodded, not having bothered to check yet. "Always is pretty intense the day after a storm. Board is in the shed, right where you left it the last time you were here."

She followed him into the kitchen and watched him out of the corner of her eye as she poured herself a cup of coffee. He searched through the cupboards, looking for something to snack on. He was like a human garbage disposal. She'd figured that out the last time he'd been there. Ate everything he got his hands on in less than three days. She was almost thankful there was next to no food in the house. It wasn't like she and Leah couldn't afford it, she just didn't like him helping himself to their food.

"So, here's the sitch," Jimmy said as he grabbed a mug and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I don't want to throw down with the rents anytime soon. Getting kicked out of college three weeks in is gonna cost me big in their books, you know?"

"You got kicked out of college? Is that why you're here?"

"Partly," he shrugged. "Basically talking to a homeless man as of yesterday. Didn't know where else to go and I figured you and my sis wouldn't mind taking me in for a couple weeks till I figure my shit out."

"Oh hell no, Jimmy," Faith said firmly as she shook her head no. "You can stay for two days, max. I got friends coming to visit on the weekend, old friends, and it's not like there's any room here for all of you to stay."

"We'll see what Leah says."

"She'll say no. Besides," Faith said harshly as she paused to take a sip of her coffee, "this isn't Leah's house. It's mine. She's just...living here with me for awhile."

She wanted to smack the smart assed grin off of his face, but she held herself back and walked out onto the back porch with the paper and her coffee. The first time she met Jimmy she'd adored him, and all the good things she thought about him had been destroyed during that week he'd stayed there with them. He was rude, he smoked pot, he drank until he passed out wherever he landed, and he did as he pleased without a goddamn care in the world, a world which he truly believed revolved around him most of the time. She'd nearly forgotten how much she'd grown to hate him until his little display in the kitchen mere minutes before.

She didn't even move from the wet chair that soaked her shorts when she heard Leah come in the house. She didn't even care that she was sitting there in a wet chair to begin with. She was trying to let go of the anger that rose in her like bile, trying to keep her cool, but finding herself overheating once again when she heard Leah and Jimmy talking quietly inside. Leah was just as bad as her parents, at least from the stories Faith had heard from her. She couldn't tell Jimmy no. She didn't have the heart to say those words to him, or to tell him the things he needed to hear.

"You can't stay here, Jimmy. I told you, one day."

"Come on," he whined, sounding more like a five-year-old than his own age. "What do you want me to do, live out on the streets?"

"No."

"That _bitch_ told me I couldn't stay. Isn't this your house too?"

"No, it's not."

Faith smirked at that. At least Leah knew her place, for once. It didn't stop her from wanting to storm in the house and smack some common sense into Jimmy. She wasn't like that anymore. The only violence she used was against the occasional vampire or demon she ran across while out on patrol.

"Whatever," Jimmy muttered just loud enough for Faith to hear him. "You know something? I know you think I'm fucking stupid and that I can't see what's really going on here."

"What are you talking about?"

Faith chuckled to herself as she picked up her mug and took a sip of her coffee, her ears straining to hear just what would come next. She knew she was right about Jimmy. He wasn't as stupid as Leah hoped he was and the confirmation was coming. She could just _feel_ it.

"You and Faith."

"What about me and Faith?"

"I know you two are fucking," he said with so much hate and disgust in his voice it made Faith's skin crawl. "I've known since the last time I was here. So, what's the deal? You a fucking dyke now or something?"

His voice was like venom and Faith could feel just how upset Leah was. She wanted to get up and go in there and comfort her, hold her and tell Jimmy to back the fuck off and mind his own business. She felt like she was sucked into some alternate universe, watching her life from a different perspective, and it made her laugh because she knew just what that perspective was. The old Faith was trickling through, coming back little by little, and she was doing nothing to fight it off. She didn't care. How could she?

The sounds of the two of them arguing faded out as she stared out over the water, watching the waves rolling in one after the other.

The old Faith, the one who didn't give a flying fuck about those around her, was back, just a little.

"Faith?" Leah said softly as she stood at the back door. "I..."

"Don't," she snapped as she turned to look at her for a brief moment. "You deal with him?"

"I tried, but he..."

"Is he out of my goddamn house?"

"For now."

"Then keep it that way," she finished as she turned to look back out over the water. "I'm done with this shit, Leah. I'm done."

"Done?"

"I can't be your little dirty secret anymore. Either you tell your parents about us or you find another fucking place to live."

Cold. Heartless. Cruel.

But she needed to do it. She had no other choice. Her thoughts were taking over, her dreams fading into reality and for once, just once, she was trying to listen to the softest whispers of her heart.


	4. Chapter 3

Leah stood there, her mouth hanging open as she stared over at Faith. With a roll of her eyes, she stood up from the chair and walked past her into the house, nearly slamming her empty mug on the counter. They had never actually had a fight before. Sure, they'd argued every once in awhile, usually over petty little things. This wasn't little, and while Faith wasn't sure where all her anger and attitude had come from, Jimmy had certainly pushed a button; several in fact. Add that to the amount of thinking she'd been doing, and she was pushed right to the brink of her sanity.

"I'm sorry about Jimmy. You know how he gets..."

"Don't," Faith snapped as she turned to look at her. "This is so much more than what happened with Jimmy."

"Is this about the fact I haven't told my parents about us?"

"One of the things."

"One?" Leah scoffed as she walked up to Faith, trying to keep her distance as if she was afraid Faith would hit her. "What are the other things?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Two days, Leah."

"Oh god, are you kidding me, Faith?" She sighed as she shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "I couldn't leave the city with the storm. There were roads blocked and..."

"Whatever."

Faith walked to the bedroom, stripped off her wet shorts and pulled on a clean, dry pair. She pulled out a suitcase from the back of the closet and began shoving some of Leah's clothes inside of it. She wasn't leaving, it was her house, but she didn't want Leah staying there for a couple days. She needed time to cool off and having her around wasn't going to help her find her center and find a way to let the anger and the accusations slide.

"Faith," Leah said shakily as she walked into the bedroom, "what are you doing?"

"Packing up your shit."

"Are you...kicking me out?"

"No," she said sharply as she zipped up the suitcase and looked over at her. "You are going to go somewhere else for a couple of days. I'm fucking losing it, Leah. Should have just told Jimmy that he isn't welcome here."

"So, this is all his fault?"

"I told you it isn't!"

"Faith, we never...we don't fight, not like this. What's wrong, babe?"

"I don't know," she sighed as she sat down on the bed. "Spent too much time thinking and overreacting the last couple of days and last night when you...and this morning...god, it's so stupid, isn't it?"

Faith laughed dryly as Leah sat down on the bed next to her and reached for her hand. The old Faith was just lingering there now, itching to come out and 'play'. Leah had never seen this side of her before, and she hadn't seen this side of her in a long time. It scared her a little to know how easily she'd snapped and fallen back into the old Faith attitude.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to Leah as she turned to look into her deep green eyes, eyes that she wished were someone else's. Buffy's. "I'm really sorry, babe."

"Is this the part where you tell me that it's getting close to that time of the month and blame it on that?" Leah asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Because that's the only acceptable answer I'll listen to right about now."

Faith wasn't sure what to say, not sure if she wanted to say anything at all. No matter what she said now, she couldn't make it better. She couldn't make herself feel better about the whole thing either. Life wasn't fair that way. The dreams with Buffy were catching up to her, twisting her world upside down and pulling her heart apart. She still debated whether to tell Leah about the dreams, about Buffy, about how she really felt about her and why she couldn't say 'I love you' when it was only Buffy she wanted to say those words to. Just telling Leah about Buffy, the truth about her, would destroy the relationship they'd built together over the last seven, nearly eight months.

She couldn't let that happen. The first solid relationship she ever had was crumbling apart because of her unrealistic dreams of being with Buffy outside of the little world they'd created together while they slept. It was crumbling because she was insecure still about a lot of little things in her life, especially when it came to herself as a woman, as a person in general, and as a lover, a fighter, and a friend.

"Faith, this is never going to be easy between us and I know the main thing is because I haven't told my family about us. I will when I'm ready."

"You've been saying that since the day I asked you to move in."

"I know," she sighed as she laid her head on Faith's shoulder. "It's hard, Faith. My parents aren't very open-minded and you heard the way Jimmy was talking to me. He was talking to me like I was a piece of trash."

"You really care what that asshole brother of yours thinks?"

"I do and I don't. He is my brother and despite what he thinks or says to me, I still love him."

"I could have smacked him for the way he was talking to you. I almost did when he was speaking to me with such disrespect."

"You should have," Leah chuckled softly. "Would have put him in his place, finally."

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know. To LA, I suppose, to our parents' house. I should probably call them before he gets there, tell them everything. I'd rather them hear it from me first than him."

Faith nodded and let go of her hand as she stood up, glancing down at the suitcase she'd packed for her. She rubbed her furrowed brow and frowned as she looked down at Leah. "I'm sorry about all this. I just thought maybe if you took off for a couple days I could...find my center again and calm down. Maybe that's the wrong way to approach this."

"I think so, but," Leah said softly as she stood up from the bed and reached for both of Faith's hands, "if you think that's what would be better right now, I can go stay somewhere else until you've calmed down."

"I'm calm now," Faith pointed out, forcing out a dry, sarcastic laugh. "Okay, maybe I'm not exactly the perfect picture of calm, but I am trying."

"You've been acting..."

"Acting like what?"

"Different since Xander called," Leah finished softly as Faith yanked her hands away from hers. "I don't know anything about your past other than the little bits you've told me. I don't know what kind of friendship you had with those people. I don't know anything, Faith!"

"It's better that you don't. We all are leaving the past in the past and I'd fucking appreciate it if you'd respect that and leave it there too!"

"I hate it when we fight."

"We've never fought like this before."

"I know," Leah frowned as she wrapped her arms around Faith and held her close. "Guess all those months without a solid fight was too good to last, huh?"

She shrugged and finally wrapped her arms around Leah and they stood there, just holding onto one another and listening to each other breathe steadily. She did find some comfort in Leah's arms, she wouldn't have kept her around as long as she had if she didn't. She found warmth there too, loving gentle caresses and soft kisses that made the butterflies in her stomach take flight. It wasn't quite the same as what Buffy made her feel, but this was _real_ and she knew she'd be stupid to let it go without a fight.

"I don't know why I get like this," she whispered into the soft confines of Leah's neck. "For years I worked on bettering myself, on fighting the darkness inside of me. I thought I...I thought I was stronger."

"You are strong, Faith. You're the strongest woman I've ever known and not just because of what you are, but because of _who_ you are. I know you'll never tell me you love me, and I know you'll never tell me the reasons why. I won't let go of the hope, though, that one day you will be able to whisper those words to me when I least expect it."

Faith bit her tongue, literally, to keep from saying a word. She just concentrated on her breathing, pushing out all those thoughts that had littered her mind for days. She pushed out the sinking feeling that there was a high possibility that Leah _was_ cheating on her and decided for now to believe her when she said she wasn't.

"I'm sorry about Jimmy," Leah whispered as she leaned back and cupped Faith's face, forcing her to look at her when she tried to look away. "He's my brother, you know? I feel partially responsible for him sometimes."

"I wouldn't know. Was an only child."

"I know," she sighed as she gave Faith a tender kiss just shy of her lips. "He's an asshole, he's rude, he's inconsiderate, and a homophobe. He'll come around. He adores you."

"I know," Faith said as she stepped back from Leah and let her arms fall to her sides slowly. "You gonna go call your parents or what?"

"Yeah. I left your breakfast on the counter. It's probably cold by now."

"That's what a microwave is for," Faith replied with a forced chuckle as she backed up towards the door.

She stood there for a moment as she watched Leah slowly unzip the suitcase and begin to take out her clothes and put them away. She could see the tears in her eyes, tears she was trying so hard to hold back. She swallowed her own tears as she turned and walked out to the kitchen. She stared at the Styrofoam containers blankly for a moment before grabbing a plate and dishing out the eggs, the sausages, the bacon and the bagel from inside.

It was still warm, but rather than eat she stood there looking blankly out the back window as she pushed the food around on the plate with her fork. She needed to talk to Angel and soon, but he wouldn't be awake yet and she wasn't about to disturb him since this wasn't exactly a matter of life and death. She needed him to talk her down from falling over the edge of insanity. She needed him to remind her to breathe, to take a step back and not overanalyze every little thing in her life. She needed him to tell her yet again that the dreams she had of Buffy were just that, dreams, and that they'd be nothing more than that.

She'd been so heartless before and it broke her own heart to know that she almost lost Leah because of her selfishness and insecurities, because of her inability to stay away from the edge that would bring her crashing down yet again. She let the tears fall as she glanced down at the plate, suddenly not feeling as hungry as she'd been before. She dropped the fork onto the plate as she closed her eyes and quickly wiped away the tears. She hated feeling so weak, so torn between reality and her dreams.

She listened, not intentionally, to Leah talking quietly into the phone in the bedroom. She could almost feel the tears she was shedding as her voice shook with uncontrolled sobs as she begged her mother to stop yelling and to listen to what she had to say. This was one thing she'd never had to go through herself, the whole coming out process. Her own mother was dead, her father, whoever he was, probably sat in a jail cell for life for whatever crimes he'd done, and she'd never known any other family, never cared to. The only people she ever had to come out to was Angel, Robin, and Xander. Nobody else mattered. Nobody else would.

She picked up the fork and stabbed one of the breakfast sausages, still listening to Leah as she cried in the bedroom. She took a bite, unable to taste the usually delicious sausage from the small cafe just two blocks away. Her mouth was tasteless, bitter, just as she'd been before. She dropped the fork and the uneaten sausage back on the plate and walked to the bedroom, hovering in the doorway as she watched Leah pace the floor.

"Mother please..." she sobbed as she turned to look at Faith, the tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried to blink them away. She was quiet for the longest time, just staring at Faith with such intensity she'd never seen before. Faith could only faintly hear the tinny voice of her mother. "I'm sorry, Mother."

Leah hung up the phone and dropped down to the bed, her shoulders hung heavy as Faith tentatively approached her. She said nothing as she sat down next to her and scooped her up in her arms. She let Leah cry for a good long while, holding her, rocking her back and forth and whispering promises that everything would be okay.

"You okay?" Faith asked softly for the third time in a row, still receiving nothing but a choked sob for an answer. "Babe? Come on, I know it's bad right now, but give her a couple of days and everything will be fine."

"That's not why I'm crying," she laughed softly as she lifted her head from the crook of Faith's neck. "She told me she knew and she was yelling at me for keeping this from her for so long."

Faith furrowed her brow, trying not to laugh since she'd once again made the wrong assumptions. She reached up and wiped away the tears and kissed away the ones that began to fall. She smoothed back her hair from her face, smiling at her as she kissed her softly. She'd never seen Leah look more beautiful than she did right there, even with her red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I never realized how good it'd feel. These are tears of happiness and relief."

"Oh," Faith smiled as she moved her so she was straddling her legs. "Look, Leah. About before..."

"Don't keep apologizing to me. It's done and over with. You were a bitch, a cold, heartless bitch, and don't think I never thought you were capable of being one," Leah laughed as she ran her hands down Faith's arms and to the hem of her shirt. "I always knew that you'd snap sooner or later this way. I'm just glad you..."

"Didn't go psycho on you?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"You are right. I did snap. I've been thinking way too much lately."

"About what?"

She wanted to say everything, but instead she just shrugged. "It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Only if it tears us apart."

"Sometimes I really don't know why you are with me," Faith whispered softly as she ran her fingers over Leah's smooth thighs, stopping when she reached the edge of her frayed shorts. "Why are you with me?"

"I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"We've only been together since..."

"Doesn't matter how long we've been together. After that first night, I knew how I felt about you. I knew what I felt was real. It's easy to be with you, Faith. You don't hold me back, not like the others did. Plus, hello," Leah chuckled as she began to slowly pull up Faith's shirt, "in case you haven't gotten the memo yet, the sex is amazing."

"Of course it is amazing," Faith grinned as she stood up and held onto Leah, wrapping her legs around her as she turned around and gently laid her on the bed. "Its amazing cos look at who you're with."

"So cocky and full of it, aren't you?"

"Who me?" Faith laughed as she rolled her hips hard into Leah's. "Always."

There were times she'd forgotten just how easy it was to be with Leah when she broke down her walls and found her center. She'd forgotten because her mind had been so full of her dreams with Buffy and her heart set on maybe one day having it for real. She wasn't settling with Leah. What she was doing was far from that. At least that is what she had continuously told herself since the day she started seeing her. She'd become someone else since she met her, someone she never thought she'd be, and she wasn't about to let it go to chase the unrealistic dreams of being with someone she just couldn't physically have.

The doorbell rang before Faith had a chance to kiss her. She pouted as Leah pushed her off, then leapt up and ran out of the bedroom before Faith had a chance to grab her and make her stay right where she was. For someone who wasn't a Slayer, she was quick. Faith laughed to herself as she laid there on the bed, the sheets sticking to her skin just as much as her clothes now were.

She closed her eyes, just for a moment, and in a flash she found herself face to face with Buffy. It was gone, she was gone, as soon as she heard Leah's voice calling for her from the front door. She slowly got up from the bed, groaning as she pulled her sticky shirt from her skin, cursing at the humidity that was making life unbearable. She fanned herself, which made no difference what so ever, as she walked to the front door.

"Who's this?" Faith asked as she stared at the man wearing an old brown suit. He was wiping at his brow furiously with a tattered handkerchief and he looked at her with wide eyes when she spoke.

"This is...I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

"Charles Walker," he said in a thick English accent. "I am a friend of Rupert Giles."

"Babe, I'll deal with this. Why don't you go make a fresh pot of coffee?" Faith said softly to Leah, waiting until she'd disappeared into the kitchen before stepping out onto the front porch. "What do you want?"

"I'm here to uh, I'm sorry, dear. The heat is rather unbearable," he said softly as he loosened his tie. "Evaluations. Every Slayer, active and inactive needs to be evaluated."

"Right," Faith said as she crossed her arms and stared at him. "Evaluated for what exactly?"

"The new Council, run by Rupert Giles himself, of course."

"Right," she said again, eyeing the short, stocky man up and down. "I don't need to be evaluated. Giles and I discussed this years back. I'm to be left alone. That was part of the agreement."

"Agreement?" Charles stammered as he wiped at his brow yet again. "I'm sorry, I was ill-informed then, I suppose. I was told you were still active."

"I keep an eye on things around these parts. That's about it. Now," Faith said as she took a step towards him, seeing how intimidated he was of her by the way he took a step back rather quickly, "I want to know why you are really here and cut the bullshit. I'm in no mood to deal with bullshit today."

"I told you, I'm here to evaluate you and a, uh," he sighed as he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from the breast pocket of his jacket. "Ah yes, a Leah Owsley."

"Excuse me?"

"An inactive Slayer," he said as he read from the piece of paper and looked up at her. "The woman who answered the door, is her name Leah Owsley?"

"Yeah it is and I hate to tell you buddy, but she's not a Slayer."

He straightened out his suit as he dabbed at his sweaty forehead near his receding hairline. "I can assure you, Ms. Lehane, that our records are exactingly kept. There are no mistakes when it comes to keeping track of all the Slayers spread out throughout the world. The inactive Slayers take a daily injection..."

"Wait," Faith said, cutting him off as she held up her hand and closed the door in case Leah was eavesdropping. "You're telling me that Leah is a Slayer? How the hell didn't I know about this?"

"Is she a, er, friend?"

"Something like that. Now answer my question!" Faith snapped, trying to keep her voice controlled to a harsh whisper.

"Inactive Slayers inject a compound of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressors, much like those given to each..."

"Yeah I heard about the whole cruciamentum deal," Faith said with controlled anger. "You still haven't answered my goddamn question!"

"Inactive Slayers have chosen to keep their identity a secret even to others. It is a part of the agreement they made when they signed the contract. Now, if you will please cooperate with me, I need to get on with the evaluation before the heat brings me to my death."

Faith stood there, dumbstruck by what she'd just been told. She knew of Giles starting up the new Council and she knew of inactive Slayers, but she didn't know everything else. It made her feel nauseous to know that so much had been kept from her. She felt like she'd been stabbed in the gut finding out about Leah. It seemed like it should have been something she should have known, despite the fact that Leah barely knew her either.

She motioned to Charles to follow her inside, muttering an apology under her breath for the lack of air-conditioning in the house. It had broken nearly two months ago and she hadn't gotten around to replacing it. The heat didn't bother her, it was just the humidity and most days it wasn't as sticky hot as it was that day. She gestured hastily to Charles to take a seat in the living room before walking into the kitchen and grabbing Leah by the arms, shoving her up against the refrigerator.

"Faith, what are you..."

"You lied to me. You fucking _lied_ to me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Inactive Slayer, ring any bells?"

"Faith, I..."

"I want some answers, Leah."

Leah shook her head no as Faith let go of her arms, painfully aware she'd hurt her. She rubbed her arms where Faith had grabbed her, fighting back the tears as she peered into the living room at Charles as he sat there uncomfortably, still furiously wiping his brow and neck with his handkerchief.

"I wasn't supposed to say a word," she whispered softly as she looked at Faith. "It's the way I wanted it. I didn't ask to be what I am."

"Like I did? Unlike you, I never had a goddamn choice!"

"Faith, you have to understand. I did this not just for myself, but for my family too."

"Could've at least told me."

"Why?" Leah asked, laughing dryly as she grabbed three mugs from the cupboard and placed them as gently as she could on the counter. Her hands were shaking as she turned to look at Faith again. "Why should I have told you when you have told me nothing about yourself?"

"This is different."

"It isn't," Leah pointed out as she pulled Faith out of view from Charles. "I signed a contract, Faith."

"Fuck the contract," she snapped harshly. "This is something that you don't keep from someone you're dating who just so happens to be a Slayer too."

"Faith, can we not get into this right now, please?" Leah asked softly. "After he leaves, I'll tell you everything, okay?"

Faith nodded her head slowly and let her give her a soft kiss before she poured the coffee into the mugs. They joined Charles in the living room, both of them sitting on the couch across from the chair he sat in. He pulled out a stack of papers from his tiny, worn briefcase and began a series of questions, giving both of them a chance to answer them separately.

Faith felt like she was stuck in a bad dream. Her head was pounding and the heat was getting to her. Charles asked basic questions, mostly directed to Faith regarding daily training and what 'methods' she used during patrol. She answered everything as briefly as she could and by the time he was finished with her, she excused herself and went out back and walked down to the beach. She didn't want to hear the things he would ask Leah. She felt like she'd been betrayed having learned the truth about her. Now she wished she'd listened to Giles years back when he tried to explain to her how the new Council would work. She hadn't wanted to hear it, telling him she was out and on her own. Having Charles come for evaluations made her feel as if her words to Giles had fallen upon deaf ears.

She sat down on the sand and let out a soft sigh as she watched the waves roll in. Her life was always a constant up and down, always turning around in an instant. She'd hoped after Sunnydale and after learning to control her violent mood swings, she'd be able to fix that. Angel had told her time and again that it was just one thing in life she would never be able to control. She shook her head, forcing back the tears as she picked up the stick that lay in the sand next to her.

"Hey," Leah said softly as she sat down next to her. "He's gone."

"Good."

"Look, Faith..."

"Don't," she sighed as she tossed the stick towards the water. "Just don't, okay. Today has been fucked up enough as it is and it's not even noon yet!"

"He asked about Buffy," Leah said as she stared out over the water. "He asked about your relationship with her. Since I know nothing about you and Buffy, I couldn't tell him anything. What would you relationship with Buffy have to do with anything?"

Faith shrugged, her eyes trained on the sand she dug her toes in. "Don't know. He should have just asked me."

"What _is_ your relationship with Buffy?"

"We don't have any kind of relationship. Never have."

It felt so wrong to say it aloud when she knew it wasn't entirely the truth. She knew Leah didn't believe her. She felt like she'd just betrayed Buffy too by saying that. No matter what she did or said now, she couldn't make anything right.

"Our relationship has a lot of gaps, Faith."

"Yeah, it really does."

"We need to...close them," Leah said as she reached for Faith's hand. "We need to if this is going to work out."

"I know."

"So, why don't you start by not lying to me about Buffy," she said coldly as Faith turned to look at her. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"How can I be in love with someone I haven't seen in five years?"

"But you do love her, don't you?"

"Yeah," Faith admitted easily as she took her hand away from Leah's and leaned back in the sand a little. "I guess I do."

"I take it this is the kind of understanding that I wouldn't get unless I knew her?"

"Something like that."

"Anyone else know how you feel about her? Does she know?"

Faith shrugged, not wanting to talk about this any further. It made her uncomfortable. It made her want to brace herself for the bitch attack she knew was coming any second now. When nearly ten minutes passed without a single word, she let out a sigh of relief. Maybe things weren't always going to end up the way she saw it play out in her mind. Leah was taking the whole thing way too well though, and it scared her, just a little.

"Faith..."

"Don't, Leah. I don't want to talk about this and I don't want to talk about Buffy either. Can we just drop it already? Fuck."

"I was just going to ask you if you were hungry," Leah said softly, so softly Faith barely heard her over the roar of the waves. "Sorry I even said anything."

Faith shook her head as she lay back on the sand and stared up at the cloudless blue sky. Even as hot as it was, the cool breeze coming off the water made it bearable. She turned to look up at Leah, frowning when she saw the tears falling slowly down her cheeks. She hated seeing her cry and this time it was because of her. It was always because of her. Three days ago everything had been fine between them. It'd been normal. Her thoughts weren't on overdrive and her dreams of Buffy hadn't taken over.

A chain reaction of events, of too many thoughts and conflicted emotions, was sending her almost perfect life into turmoil. She reached for Leah's hand as she sat up slowly and smiled easily at her when she turned to look at her. She whispered a faint apology as she pulled Leah in for a kiss. Leah didn't kiss her back, she just let out a choked sob as she pulled away slowly, standing up as she let go of her hand.

"Today has been the most fucked up day I've had in a long time," Faith muttered under her breath as she watched Leah walk back to the house. "Just fucking great."

She stayed out there for most of the afternoon just watching the waves, trying to relax, trying to clear her mind. Every once in awhile she'd turn to look back up at the house and would let out a dejected sigh whenever she saw Leah just standing there at the back door watching her, not saying a word, not smiling. Nothing. She didn't know how to make it better, didn't know how to take them back to where they'd been two, three days ago. This was why she never used to do relationships. She didn't know _how_ to do them right, or at least the way that was considered right. It was always complicated even when it wasn't.

She didn't turn to look back up at the house when she heard Leah come out and make her way down to where she still sat on the sand. Leah said nothing as she handed the phone to her and turned and walked away. Faith shook her head as she looked at the display before putting the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Angel."

"Hey," he replied quietly. "Day not going good?"

"Not at all," she said as her voice cracked and she fought back the tears. It felt so good just to hear his voice. "What do you know about a Charles Walker?"

"The man who works with Giles? Not much, why?"

"Showed up at the house today."

"Oh."

"Yeah," she sighed as she stood up and kicked at the sand. "Leah is an inactive Slayer."

"Really?" Angel asked, sounding shocked. "You just find this out today?"

"I did. We've been...fighting, even before I found that out. God, Angel. I feel like giving up."

"What have you two been fighting over?"

She took a deep, shaky breath and told him everything. He listened until she'd finished talking and she let out a heavy sigh of relief, feeling like a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was always like that whenever she talked to Angel about anything that was bothering her. He had proven time and time again that he was there for her as a friend and as a mentor. He didn't give her any advice this time other than reminding her just to breathe, find her center, and try not to let it all get to her. He promised her if she let things play out on their own, that everything would work out in the end.

A handful of times in the past five years she'd seen many little reasons why Buffy had been so in love with Angel before. There was just something about him, tortured soul perhaps, but it was more than that. He'd changed, at least he'd changed in her eyes, and he was the best friend anyone could ever ask for. She loved him to death and he knew it too, always teasing her about being into women yet always having a deep, strong love for the oldest man in her life.

"Does she know about Buffy?"

"A little," Faith replied. "She asked me if I was in love with her."

"And you told her you are, didn't you?"

"What else was I supposed to say?"

"Nothing would have been the way to go," he replied with a soft chuckle. "Look, I know you can't control how you feel, but you can control the things that come out of your mouth when it comes to saving the only stable relationship you've ever had. Nobody ever said being in love was easy."

"But I'm not in love with Leah," Faith stated quietly, her eyes trained on the back door and hoping to hell that Leah wouldn't choose to come outside then. "I love her, but I can never be in love with her the way I am with Buffy."

"Buffy isn't there, is she?" Angel asked and he waited for Faith to answer him even though she knew that he knew she wouldn't. "Maybe it's time for you to let go of those dreams, Faith."

"How can I let go of them when she's always there, night after night?"

"Stop holding onto the hope and maybe, just maybe, those dreams will slowly begin to disappear."

"What if I don't want them to, Angel?"

"You might not have a choice. How can you ever be happy in life if you keep holding on to the hope that those dreams you have of Buffy, _with_ Buffy, will one day become real? Because you and I both know that is not a possibility. You have to let go of her, Faith. You know you do."

Angel was right. He was always right. She hated how he was always right. It didn't feel right to want to let go of Buffy. It didn't feel right to want to let go of the one piece of happiness they ever had together. It didn't feel right to stay as she was either. She let the tears fall, yet again, and asked Angel to help her find a way to finally let go of the hope she had of ever finding something real with Buffy.


	5. Chapter 4

By Friday she hadn't slept at all, too afraid that if she did and she slipped into her dreams, she'd spiral further down the hole she'd dug for herself, and afraid she'd never be able to get out if she let it happen. Leah barely spoke to her, barely made eye contact with her since that day. While Leah slept at night, Faith lay there next to her staring blankly up at the ceiling and fighting off sleep. Angel's words kept repeating themselves over and over in her mind, minute after minute, hour after hour, until she felt like she was driving herself insane.

By Friday afternoon, she was barely able to keep her eyes open as she lounged on the couch in the living room with the TV on and the volume on low. She wasn't even paying attention to the baseball game. She didn't even care. She kept looking over at Leah as she sat at the desk and worked on the computer, sorting through the pictures she'd taken the week before. It wasn't long before she couldn't fight to keep her eyes open any more and she made a silent promise to herself that she'd just rest them for a moment. Only a moment...

****

_Faith blinked and found herself lying in the bed, completely nude with only a thin sheet pulled over her body. She cursed under her breath as she looked around the room, still unable to figure out just where Buffy had brought her this time. It was the same room as the last dream, the new room, a place they'd never been before. Yet the smell of the ocean, the sound of it, even the sticky heat felt oddly familiar._

_Buffy wasn't there this time, and she wasn't sure whether she was relieved or disappointed. Possibly a mix of both. She pulled the thin cotton sheet with her as she slid off the bed and wrapped it around her body as she made her way to the closest window. It was too bright out there to see just where she was, but she could hear the waves as they rolled in and the gentle cry of seagulls as they circled overhead._

_She felt a chill run through her body and down her spine, and she turned to find Buffy standing there behind her with a smile upon her face. Faith said nothing as she allowed Buffy to tug on the sheet until she let go and let it fall to the floor. Every soft touch of Buffy's fingertips along her skin sent shockwaves throughout her body and she shuddered as she leaned against the window, feeling the glass cool her skin despite the heat of the room._

"_Have you been avoiding me?"_

"_You've been waiting for me, haven't you?" Faith asked breathlessly as Buffy stepped closer to her, her soft breath tickling over her lips. "B?"_

"_Not really waiting for you, more like hoping you'd be here every time I close my eyes."_

"_Buffy..."_

"_Don't ask me where here is, Faith. You know that I can't tell you."_

"_Why?"_

"_I'm not ready to," she whispered against Faith's lips, her body pressing closer, moulding together as one. "I'm trying to be though. You know that, right?"_

_She said nothing as she wrapped her arms around Buffy and kissed her deeply, hungrily, never wanting to stop. She'd missed her more than words could describe. She'd missed her touch, the way her lips felt against her own, and the softness of her strong, lithe body as it pressed against her in all the right places all at once. She forgot about wanting to give up on this, forgot about trying not to come back to this place, and got lost within Buffy as she picked her up and carried her over to the bed._

_She saw nothing and thought of nothing but the woman in her arms. How she wanted so badly to know what it'd be like to hold her for real, to touch her, taste her, just feel her skin upon her own outside this little world they'd created and escaped to almost every chance they got. She chastised herself for ever thinking it was possible to forget this, to want to move on from this. She was her happiest when she was here with Buffy and she knew that it was the same for Buffy. Why else would they still be here together after five long, mostly lonely years?_

"_How much longer do you want me to wait for you, B?"_

"_What?"_

"_I don't want to wait for you forever. I can't wait for you forever," she whispered as she laid her down on the bed and hovered over her, not an inch of skin touching hers as she waited for Buffy to answer. "How long, B?"_

"_Not long, I promise. But there's one thing I think you should know," she said as she ran her hands over Faith's back tenderly. "We can't have this out there. Wait," she sighed as she placed a finger over Faith's lips before she could interrupt her. "We have to start at the beginning, Faith."_

"_I know."_

"_And I know that Xander and Dawn are coming soon," she said softly as she ran the tip of her tongue over Faith's bottom lip. "Tell them if you must. I know everyone is worried about me."_

"_If you know, then why haven't you called just to let them know you're okay?" Faith asked. When Buffy shrugged, she furrowed her brow and lay down on her side next to her. "Wait, how do you know that Xander and Dawn are coming soon?"_

"_I just do."_

_She blinked and could feel the edges of the dream world and reality begin to blur together. With one last kiss, she felt herself slipping away completely._

****

She woke up, feeling slightly refreshed, to a nearly dark and empty room. The only light came from the side window as the sun had already begun to set. She could hear Leah in the kitchen humming along to the radio as she cooked dinner. She wasn't hungry, or at least she didn't feel much like eating, but her stomach was in complete disagreement as it let out a growl that sounded completely inhuman. She blinked as she looked over at the clock. Xander and Dawn would be there any minute now and as tired as she was, she was still looking forward to seeing them both.

She got up from the couch and rummaged through the drawer of the china cabinet and pulled out the nearly forgotten pack of cigarettes she'd left there when she'd quit. She didn't care anymore; she really needed the nicotine to calm her nerves. She was nervous about seeing Xander and Dawn again, and she was nervous about having them meet Leah, especially since the past several days the two had barely spoken to one another. It'd be awkward, but she'd get through it somehow. One way or another.

"Smells good," Faith said quietly as she walked into the kitchen with the pack of cigarettes and a lighter in her hand.

"Thanks," Leah responded coldly as she kept her back turned to her. "Should be ready in half an hour. Will your friends be here by then?"

"Should be rolling up any minute now."

"Mm-hmm."

Faith sighed as she headed for the front door and stepped outside. It hadn't cooled off much, but it was cooler outside than it was in the house. She took out a cigarette, knowing damn well it'd be stale and lit it anyway. She tensed at every car she heard that came down the street and relaxed when the vehicle didn't stop in front of the house. She was really nervous now and she knew she had no reason to be. It was just Xander and Dawn. The two of them. Together as in _together_ and not just there as two friends. It made her shiver in a not too pleasant way as a flood of rather disturbing and involuntary images flashed through her mind.

She leaned against the post and took a long drag of the cigarette as a cab pulled up in the driveway. She forced a smile, trying to relax as she watched Xander and Dawn climb out of the backseat and grab their bags from the trunk. Dawn was the first to reach her and she barely flicked the cigarette into the overgrown garden before Dawn had throw her arms around her in a tight hug.

"I've missed you so much, Faith!"

"Really? Couldn't tell," she chuckled as she hugged her back. She tried to step away and found herself being forced to remain there for a few seconds longer. "Looking good, Brat."

"You too," Dawn smiled as she finally released Faith before bending to pick up the bag she'd dropped at the foot of the stairs.

"Hey," Xander smiled as he dropped his own bag and scooped Faith up in his arms and twirled her around for a moment before stopping and raising an eyebrow when he realized how awkward it was. "Sorry, I guess I missed you too."

"Hope you guys are hungry," Faith said as she grabbed their bags for them and led the way inside. "Leah is making her awesome chicken pasta."

"That's your girlfriend, right?" Dawn asked quietly as they walked inside. "I find it really hard to believe you have an actual girlfriend."

"Why? Is it the gay thing?"

"No," Dawn chuckled as she stopped to look around the house. "It's more of the 'stable relationship' thing."

"Right," Faith replied with a forced smile and motioned for them to follow her to the spare room. "It's not much, but there's a bed and it's comfortable, sort of. Bathroom is down the hall and everything else is pretty explanatory. Living room, kitchen, back porch, beach."

The three of them laughed as she led them down the hallway and into the kitchen. Leah had already gotten out a bottle of wine and had four glasses sitting on the counter. She turned away from the stove and smiled sweetly at Faith as she leaned over and gave her a soft, light kiss.

"Leah, this is Dawn and Xander," Faith said as she turned to the two of them standing next to each other.

"Nice to meet you two," Leah said with a sugar sweet voice that Faith could tell was dripping with sarcasm and fake enthusiasm. "Help yourself to the wine. Dinner won't be ready for a little while."

"Why don't you guys grab a glass and head out back and I'll join you in a minute?" Faith said as Xander picked up the bottle and poured himself and Dawn a glass.

They said nothing, just smiled and headed out the back together. Faith turned to look at Leah, studying her face for a moment before she found herself being pulled in for another kiss.

"What's that for?"

"I'm tired of this. Tired of fighting and acting like we hate each other," she whispered against her lips. "Were you just smoking?"

"Nerves," Faith shrugged as she slid her hands over Leah's hips and pulled her in closer. "I'm tired of it too, babe."

"They seem nice," she said as she motioned to the back door. "Nice and normal."

"Yeah, they do seem normal, don't they?" Faith chuckled as she gave her one last kiss before stepping back and reaching for the bottle of wine. "We'll eat out back tonight."

"That's the plan," Leah smiled as she reached out, grabbing Faith and pulling her close before she could even pour herself a glass of wine. "I called work earlier and made arrangements to work on the portfolio here instead of driving into the city tomorrow."

"Cool."

"Go out and join your friends and I'll keep an eye on dinner," she said as she playfully slapped Faith across the ass. "We can kiss and make up later."

"What changed?" Faith asked as she placed the bottle of wine down on the counter and picked up her glass. "Earlier you would barely even look at me, much less even say a fucking word to me. What changed between then and now?"

"Just tired of it, that's all."

"Tell me the truth," Faith said softly as she placed her glass down on the counter and wrapped her arms around Leah from behind. "You aren't putting on an act cos they're here, are you?"

"No."

"You sure about that?" Faith asked as she moved her hair to the side and planted a soft, wet kiss to the side of her neck. Leah nodded slowly as she turned and captured Faith's lips with her own.

Faith pulled back from the kiss first, smiling as she stepped away from her and grabbed her wine glass. She winked at her before heading out back and joining Dawn and Xander at the table. They were talking softly and they both smiled awkwardly at her as she sat down. It felt weird to be sitting there with the two of them, especially with Xander when she was so used to speaking with him over the phone. She suddenly had no idea what to talk about to the two of them and tense, awkward silence filled the air. Having nothing else to say, she knew the best topic of discussion would be asking them how they ended up getting together. In her mind she'd never even thought for a second that the two of them would ever hook up. And it wasn't just the age difference thing either, they were almost polar opposites. Much like she and Buffy were, once she thought about it.

"So," she said as she continued to stare at the two of them. "How'd this happen?"

"Dawnie asked me out one night, I said yes. Story, end of," Xander chuckled as he reached for Dawn's hand and intertwined their fingers as they shared a sweet, loving gaze for a moment. "Plus, we've known each other for what seems like forever, so there was no awkward getting to know each other stage."

"Always a plus," Faith smiled at the two of them. She wanted to ask them about Charles Walker and bring up the fact that Leah was an inactive Slayer, but now didn't feel like the time to bring that into the conversation, especially not with Leah just inside and within listening distance.

"How did you and Leah meet?" Dawn asked. "Did you two get set up by a mutual friend by any chance?"

"No," Faith chuckled as she paused to take a sip of her wine, "I met Leah out at a club in LA one night. We uh, saw each other a couple of times before it became a little more serious, you know?"

"So, the whole 'get some, get gone' act went out the window when you met her?" Dawn asked, raising an eyebrow when Faith looked at her in surprise. "What, you think I didn't know about that?"

"Wow, does everyone think I'm just this huge slut or something?"

"No," Dawn laughed. "Nobody thinks that. Not anymore."

"Good to know."

Enter awkward silence, part two. Faith sipped her wine, staring out over the beach and the water as the moon, nearly full, shone down against the eerily calm water. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to figure out how to make this whole thing less awkward and realizing there was really no way to do it. The things she wanted to talk to Xander about would have to wait until they got a moment alone. She only hoped it wasn't too long. She wanted to talk to him sooner rather than later.

"It's nice here," Xander said, breaking the silence between them. "Peaceful. Angel helped you get this place, didn't he?"

"He did," she nodded. "Told me I needed someplace solid to stay, somewhere that I'd be able to finally set some roots, even just for a little while."

"Is he coming around this weekend at all by any chance?"

"Tomorrow night," she replied. "Wanted to see you two since it's been forever and a day."

"Five years," Dawn cut in. "Seriously not forever and a day when you're a vampire."

"Maybe not," Faith shrugged. "Guess he just missed you guys."

"You ever think about coming to stay in Cleveland for awhile?" Xander asked her and she shrugged. "I mean, it's just a thought, you know? Kind of need a leader there and none of the girls seem to fit that leadership role."

"You know I'm out of the game, Xand."

"But you still slay and train, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I do it on my own terms. I usually don't patrol too long every night unless Angel has called with information about some lowlife vampires or outlaw demons who come here and decide to make my life a little more difficult."

"Does Leah know about you?" Dawn asked in a hushed whisper. "Xander didn't tell me much about her at all."

"That's because I haven't told him anything about her," Faith chuckled as she took the last sip of her wine and placed the glass on the table. "She knows. She's known for awhile."

"Oh," Dawn frowned as she looked back to the door for a moment. "She's...nice. So totally didn't expect her to be so..."

"So what?" Faith challenged, curious as to what Dawn would say to her.

"Gorgeous."

"She is, isn't she?" She smiled smugly as Leah walked out with the bottle of wine and her glass in each hand. "Yes, we were just talking about you, babe."

"All good things I hope," Leah said with a smile as she topped up everyone's glasses before sitting down next to Faith. "I finished making the pasta and stuck it in the oven. Should be ready in about forty minutes."

"Already smells so good," Faith said as she leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "You two are going to be amazed at Leah's cooking skills. Seriously, everything she cooks makes your taste buds dance in ecstasy from the first bite until the last."

"Are you going to make an honest woman out of Faith?" Xander asked with a wink. "Or have you already made her an honest woman and you two are keeping secrets from us?"

"Me, an honest woman?" Faith burst out laughing. "Hardly."

"Maybe one day," Leah said quietly as she looked over at Faith, smiling brightly at her. "Right, babe?"

"Maybe," Faith said as she felt a chill run down her spine. She turned to look at Xander and Dawn, who were both staring at her and Leah looking a little awestruck. "What?"

"Faith, an honest woman," Xander giggled as Dawn smacked him across the back of the head. "What? It is kind of funny, you know?"

"Why is it funny?" Leah asked, her curiosity now piqued as she leaned forward in her chair.

Faith rolled her eyes as she slouched in her chair and shook her head. "Definitely gonna be an interesting weekend," she muttered under her breath as she forced a smile and waited for Xander to stop giggling like a little girl and answer Leah's question.

****

Long after dinner had been eaten, Faith walked down the beach with Xander. Dawn offered straight up to help Leah with the dishes and Faith knew the only reason she wanted to was because Xander had whispered to her when Leah was out of earshot that he wanted to talk privately with her. They walked down the beach a little ways and stopped and sat down on the sand and looked out over the water.

"She's something else," Xander said as he picked up a rock and chucked it into the water. "You two seem...happy together."

"We are, for the most part."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Eh," Faith shrugged as she turned to look at him. "We've been fighting this week over a bunch of stupid and not so stupid bullshit."

"You want to talk about it?"

"This guy came to the house a couple days ago, a Charles Walker. You know him?" She asked, and Xander nodded his head slowly. "Came to do evaluations or some shit, right, and get this, Leah is an inactive Slayer."

"No shit?"

"I'm not joking. She never told me. I'm kind of pissed she never told me."

"Because the inactive Slayers sign a contract to receive the monthly injections," Xander said softly, shaking his head. "Seriously? Leah is an inactive?"

"Yeah."

"Damn," he said as he let out a short, soft laugh. "So, what else has been going on with you these days? Anything interesting?"

Faith sighed as she looked back out over the water. She knew now would be the best time to tell him about the dreams she shared with Buffy. She just wasn't so sure how he'd react when she told him how long they'd been going on for.

"Define interesting."

"Whatever, I guess," he chuckled. "Come on, Faith. We talk on the phone every couple of months and I haven't seen you in two years. There has to be a lot going on with you that you've been keeping from me. Now, come on. I want the gossip."

"If I tell you, you've gotta promise me that this stays between you and I for now, okay?"

"That serious?" He asked with a cheeky grin that quickly faded when Faith nodded her head. "I won't tell another living soul, or a certain vampire with a soul, unless...Angel already knows, doesn't he?"

"He does," she said, and she took a deep breath, trying to figure out a way to just tell him straight up about the dreams. "It's kind of complicated, you know?"

"What is?"

"These dreams I've been having...with Buffy."

She told him almost everything, leaving out the sexual parts of the dreams for the sake of his own sanity. She told him when the dreams had started and some of the things Buffy had said to her over the years. He hung on her every word, not once saying anything even after she'd finished. They just sat there and stared out over the water, the only sound the soft waves rolling in and the odd dog barking off in the distance.

"So, she's alive?" Xander said softly after what felt like ages had passed. "How come you never told me this before?"

"I don't know, Xand. I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"She's okay?"

"I think so, yeah."

"And you think she'll show up soon?"

"She said she was going to, but you know how those dreams get sometimes. Always somewhat cryptic in a way, you know? The funny thing is that they never feel like dreams. They always feel real."

"You should tell Giles."

"Why?"

"He should know about this," he sighed as he leaned back in the sand a little and looked over at Faith. "You know how he worries, and Buffy is like a daughter to him. We've all been waiting for five years to hear from her, always waiting, day after day, and that phone call or letter never comes."

Faith said nothing as she pulled the pack of cigarettes out of her jeans pocket and casually lit one, inhaling deeply and forgetting for the time being that Leah would give her hell for smoking again. Xander nudged her before she could slip the pack back inside her pocket and she shrugged as she offered him one, watching out of the corner of her eye as he lit the cigarette and inhaled just as deeply as she had.

"Didn't know you smoked."

"Don't really," he sighed as he lay back on the sand and stared up at the sky. "Only every once in awhile when I get stressed out, nervous, or need to relax."

"I know the feeling."

"Dawnie is gonna kill me."

Faith laughed as she lay back in the sand next to him. "I was just thinking the same thing about Leah."

"So much has changed, you know?" Xander mused, his eyes not once leaving the sky and the stars overhead. "Willow hasn't been the same since she and Kennedy broke up. Giles is in over his head trying to run the Council, and the girls that stay with us in Cleveland, they need a leader."

"I'm not gonna do it, Xander."

"I know. Just thought before it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"You ever think that life was going to end up this way?" Faith asked, taking a long drag of her cigarette before she looked over at him. "I mean, when we disbanded in LA after defeating the first, did you really think we'd all end up where we are now?"

"No. I really didn't. Thought when Giles said we were going to Cleveland that we all were going. Didn't see Buffy taking off and you staying back here and working for Angel."

"Working with Angel, not for him. There is a difference."

"I just...sometimes I want everything to be the way it was back in Sunnydale, but I know it'll never be that way again. Keep telling myself every day that it's better this way. Somehow I can't convince myself of that no matter how hard I try."

"Life goes on, man. Best you just try to go on with it, you know?"

They lay there for awhile longer before heading back to the house. Dawn and Leah were sitting out back, drinking wine and laughing together like they were old friends. Faith and Xander joined them at the table, neither of them saying a word as they listened to the two of them talk about photography, LA, clothes, and many other random things Faith couldn't care less about. She felt a little relieved that Leah and Dawn were getting along as well as they were. It'd make the weekend a little less stressful and awkward.

She sat out there with Leah after Xander and Dawn headed off to bed. Leah seemed to be in a rather good mood compared to the way she'd been the last week, but Faith knew it was because she'd had one too many glasses of wine and with a little convincing, she managed to get her to go to bed. After locking up the house and debating whether or not to sleep on the couch or crawl into bed next to Leah, she ended up giving in and going to the bedroom. She stood there in the dark at the foot of the bed for a good couple of minutes just watching Leah sleep.

As soon as she fell asleep, she'd be with Buffy. She knew she would. She could already feel Buffy calling out for her, waiting for her. She shook her head as she walked to the bathroom to quickly brush her teeth and ended up spending a minute too long just staring at herself in the mirror, questioning whether or not she was doing the right thing. Whatever the right thing was, she couldn't find out the answer. At least not with a few glasses of wine in her and going on next to no sleep.

Xander had reacted to learning about her dreams with Buffy not quite the way she thought he would. She did expect him to tell her she needed to tell Giles about the dreams, but everything else, all the worst-case scenarios that had played through her mind, never happened. She chuckled softly as she flipped off the bathroom light and made her way back to the bedroom, silently thanking whatever gods or the Powers that Be for finding her a friend in Xander. In some weird, strange way he'd helped her keep her sanity, and keep her ties to the Scooby gang she'd never really been a part of.

She stripped out of her clothes and pulled on an old, tattered t-shirt before she climbed into bed next to Leah. She lay there for awhile, just staring up at the ceiling and listening to the sound of the waves rolling in one by one. She let out a soft sigh as Leah rolled over and curled up next to her. A part of her wanted to push her away and another part of her wanted to hold her closer and whisper those words of love even though she truly didn't feel them. Her heart was aching and breaking for reasons she wasn't so sure of. The only thing she was ever sure of anymore was the fact that whether she wanted it or not, she'd always be with Buffy in her dreams.

"Go to sleep, Faith," Leah mumbled as she laid a gentle kiss on her cheek. "It's been a long day."

"Night, babe."

"Night."

Faith closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. She tried not to think of anything else other than the sound of the waves, the soft sound of Leah breathing heavily as she drifted off into a deep sleep, and the sound of her heart as it began to race at the simple, lingering thoughts of Buffy being there in her arms instead of Leah. Maybe one day it'd happen. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it was time for her to take Angel's advice and just let go of the hope, the almost unrealistic dream of having all of this and more with Buffy.

****

_She wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not. She could still hear the sounds of the waves and still feel the warmth of a soft body curled up next to her. She opened her eyes to a mass of tousled blond hair and her heart swelled, just a little, when she knew just who lay there in her arms and just where she was. She ran her hands over the smooth back, feeling the goose bumps form under her touch._

"_Hey," Buffy smiled as she lifted her head from her shoulder. "I was wondering when you'd finally come here."_

"_Always waiting, aren't you?"_

"_Who can blame me?" Buffy laughed softly as she leaned in for a deep, lingering kiss. "I get to spend most nights here with you. I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_Faith said nothing, not like she normally would. She wanted to tell Buffy she'd rather have this outside of their own little world, but she didn't want to ruin what could be just another tender, loving moment between them. She pulled her in for yet another kiss, moaning softly as Buffy slipped an insistent thigh between her legs. She rolled them over, Buffy laughing softly against her lips as Faith settled between her legs._

"_Always want to be on top, don't you?"_

"_Mm-hmm."_

"_Faith?" Buffy stopped her from continuing the kiss and stared deeply into her eyes. "Did you tell them?"_

"_I told Xander."_

"_He isn't upset, is he?"_

"_A little bit," Faith sighed as she kissed her forehead softly. "Can we talk about this another time, B? I just want to be with you right now and not think about anything else than you and me right here, right now."_

_Their lips met again, tentatively, as their bodies began to move in an ever-familiar rhythm. Faith had never had this with Leah, or with anyone else for that matter, and it was always refreshing and sensually erotic just to feel instead of fuck. To make love slowly, instead of doing it hard and fast. They rolled on the large bed, tangled within each other and in the softest sheets Faith had ever felt on her body. Every breath Buffy took, every nibble to her bottom lip, every sweep of those soft, strong hands over her back brought her closer and closer to the edge._

_She never dreamt, nor did she ever think that something so simple, so passionate, would have her coming so hard it made her toes curl and her body weak. Always aching for more, for it to last forever. To never wake up until she'd been fully satisfied again and again. Buffy clung to her tightly as she broke apart from the kiss, gasping for air and staring down into those hazel eyes that haunted her every waking moment._

"_After all this time with you, you never fail to amaze me," Buffy whispered as she tucked the loose strands of hair behind Faith's ears and smiled up at her. "You are something else, Faith. You've become someone I never imagined you could be."_

"_I know," Faith chuckled. "Shocking, isn't it?"_

"_Not shocking," Buffy smiled wider as she kissed her softly, her lips lingering only just for a moment. "Surprising. Totally different."_

"_If you say so."_

"_I know so," she laughed as she gave her a playful slap across her bare ass. "I never thought I'd say this, Faith, but I think, no...I know I've fallen in love with you."_

"_You have?"_

"_Yes," she nodded as a playful and rather lascivious smile curled over her lips. "I am so in love with you, Faith. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm ready now."_

"_Ready for what?"_

"_To make this real."_

****

Faith woke up with a jolt, sweat covering her body as she shook from the words she'd heard Buffy say. Leah still lay curled up next to her, but her arms were no longer wrapped around her. She shook her head as she eased herself out of bed, careful not to wake her, and walked over to the window to open the blinds. The sun hadn't even risen yet, but she could feel it as she always could long before those first rays peeked over the horizon.

She had a lot to figure out now, too much, and it was beginning to make her head spin and the room wobble and almost fade out around her. She stared out the window, looking out over the darkened beach, and she smiled to herself when she felt a wave of sudden happiness flood through her body. Angel was wrong about letting go of the hope. It was all she had, and she was going to hold onto it and never let go.


	6. Chapter 5

Faith walked down the beach after having her morning run. The sun still hadn't come up yet, but she was wide-awake and the cool breeze coming off the water cooled her flushed skin with every step she took. She had run down the beach to where the rock jetty was, far from home and much further than she usually went, and the walk back would take her nearly an hour. She stopped walking to stretch out her sore muscles, groaning as her body protested. She was out of shape, she knew she was, and her body knew it too. Yet, day after day, she pushed herself just a little further, not because she had to, but because she knew she could.

She sat down in the sand, breathing heavily as she stared out over the water. A few early risers were out walking their dogs and she smiled and nodded at each of them as they walked past her. Once she was able to catch her breath, she headed back down the beach, walking slowly and just absorbing the world around her as it woke. The last half mile she ran, feeling the urge to push herself just that little bit further.

Xander and Dawn were sitting on the back porch when she got back to the house. She muttered a good morning under her breath as she headed inside. Leah was standing at the stove flipping pancakes and humming along to the radio just as she did most days whenever she cooked. Faith just stood there, smiling at her, all thoughts of Buffy drifting completely from her mind as she let her eyes drift over Leah's body.

"Did you have a nice run, babe?" Leah asked as she turned to look at her.

"Oh yeah. Went out to the jetty."

"I hope you're hungry."

"Starved."

"Good," Leah smiled. "Go grab a quick shower and I'll make sure to save you some pancakes. I heard from Dawn that Xander could easily put down as much food as you do."

Faith raised an eyebrow and pulled her away from the stove to give her a long, deep kiss, smiling against her lips when she felt her try to squirm away. It felt like longer than the week that had actually passed since she'd last been with Leah. Her dreams with Buffy were satisfying, but nothing beat the real deal. She almost wished that Dawn and Xander weren't there. She had images floating through her mind of the many times she'd taken Leah there in the kitchen. Memories of burning food while she ate her out, fucked her to oblivion and beyond, made her shudder and crave it again right then and there.

"Babe, you're all sweaty and I don't want to burn breakfast," Leah groaned as Faith pulled back from the kiss. "If we didn't have guests right now..."

"Then you'd let me do this?" Faith whispered as she ran her hand up Leah's inner thigh slowly, feeling her shiver under her feather light touch. She stopped just as she reached the edges of her shorts, smirking as she watched Leah bite her lip and close her eyes.

"Just go and have a shower," Leah whispered as she gently nudged Faith away from her. "Tease."

Faith winked as she backed out of the kitchen, making sure Leah watched her as she slowly ran her tongue over her lips. She knew just how to push Leah's buttons and the last week had taken its toll on both of them. They weren't used to the bed death as it had never happened before. Faith had hopes of ending their short dry spell and soon. The dreams with Buffy were really starting to get to her and she needed real release.

She had to stop thinking about her dreams, about Buffy, and about what they could possibly have together. The more she thought about it, the more those thoughts sent her entire life into turmoil and chaos. She wasn't giving up hope that maybe Buffy would come around, but that in itself would create even more problems. How was she going to break things off with Leah? As much as she wanted to be with Buffy, was she really ready to let go of her only stable relationship for something she wasn't entirely sure would be everything she hoped for it to be? Too many unanswered questions and she had a sinking feeling she wouldn't find the answers to them any time soon.

After a quick cold shower, she got dressed and joined the others out back for breakfast. There weren't any big plans for the day other than lounging on the beach and having a barbecue later before Angel arrived. Dawn and Leah were already chattering away, laughing and joking around. Xander just looked at Faith every once in a while, looking as if he wanted to say something but was continuously biting his tongue. She knew he wanted to know more about the dreams she'd been having with Buffy, and she wanted to tell him more, but felt like he already knew more than he should.

She picked away at the stack of pancakes on her plate, not listening to the conversation between Dawn and Leah, but rather listening to her own thoughts that ran rampant through her mind. Even when she wasn't trying to, every thought went right back to Buffy and the last words she'd heard her say. Buffy had said many things over the years that made her wonder if she really meant them. Most of the time it made her wonder if they really were sharing dreams, or if this was in fact just a product of her imagination, fuelled by the hope that Buffy was out there, alive and well.

Halfway through breakfast Leah dropped her hand onto Faith's thigh, teasing the skin just above her knee. She kept trying to get Leah's attention, knowing she was doing it without realizing it. It was just the way they were together, always finding little ways to touch one another. As much as she'd craved the touch earlier, now it was making her skin crawl, and not in the good way. She placed her hand over Leah's, finally getting her attention for a split second. With just one look, Leah pulled her hand away and continued her conversation with Dawn.

It felt like one of those moments just before she woke from one of her dreams where she was stuck on the plane of darkness between that world and this one, between dreams and reality. Which one was more real? Even now, none of this felt real. It never did.

Faith cleared the table, offering to clean up while the three of them went to lounge out on the sand for a long day of doing nothing but soaking up the rays. Leah came inside when she was nearly finished washing the dishes and wrapped her arms around her from behind. Faith relaxed into the embrace as she pulled the plug out from the drain and dried her hands on the dishtowel.

"We got some time alone," Leah whispered as she moved her hands over Faith's stomach and fumbled with the drawstring holding up her ill-fitting basketball shorts.

"Do we?"

"Yeah," she mumbled against her neck as she slid her hand down the front of her shorts. "They went for a walk."

"Leah, wait," Faith sighed as she grabbed onto her arm. "I want to ask you something."

"You want to take this to the bedroom in case they come back sooner rather than later?"

"Yeah, but that's not what I..."

"Okay," Leah said as she stepped back. "What's up?"

"Why did you choose to be inactive?"

"So I could live my life the way I wanted to live it. I couldn't handle the strength, the responsibilities, not to mention the fact that my life would always be in danger night after night if I chose to accept my 'calling'. That's not the life I wanted."

"I never had a choice."

"You do now," Leah pointed out. "You can take the injections, become normal again. You can slip away and become just another normal, boring human being."

"I don't want that," Faith replied, shaking her head. "It's been so long, I'd feel...empty inside if I wasn't a Slayer. Did you ever give it a chance?"

"I did in the beginning. They nearly killed my family and Jimmy, he found out and..."

"And what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. Fine."

"Why does it matter so much to you anyway, Faith?"

"I don't know. I just want to know, that's all."

Leah sighed as she wrapped her arms around Faith and held her close. "There are a lot of things I want to know about you too, but you never tell me. You never want to tell me. Why?"

"Cos all the things you want to know isn't who I am anymore. Those things, my past, don't define me. I'm not about to let them either."

"Sorry," Leah said softly as she pulled her in for a soft kiss. "Maybe you were right before when you said that there are things about both of us that are probably best left alone."

"Maybe. I just...feel like you being an inactive was something you would have told me, contract or not."

"Faith," Leah pouted as she reached up, gently cupping her face and forcing her to look into her eyes, "we just spent the whole week practically avoiding each other. I don't want to keep doing this. Something changed since last weekend and I've been driving myself insane trying to figure out why. I can't help but think that phone call from Xander is what started this whole thing, but then I see how different you are now that he and Dawn are here and I know that's not it."

Faith shrugged as she leaned back, pulling Leah with her. There were so many different things she wanted to say, things she knew she _needed_ to say. She didn't want to go through what they'd been going through most of the week. She hated it. Even if she did know where everything truly did go wrong, it was too late to change it all and go back to where they'd been before. That thought of Leah possibly cheating on her while she was in the city still hovered first and foremost in her thoughts.

"I know you can't tell me you love me because you aren't in love with me," she said softly and she stopped Faith before she could speak. "Its okay, Faith. Love isn't easy for everyone. For some it takes time, years sometimes, and I can't promise you I'll stick around until you are ready to let go of _her_, but I can promise you that I'm here now."

"I'm trying."

"I know," Leah smiled as she stroked the tips of her fingers over Faith's dimples as Faith tried to smile back. "Oh, before I forget, my mother called while you were out on your run earlier. She wants to meet you. Soon."

"How soon?"

"Well," Leah chuckled nervously as she dropped her hands to Faith's shoulders. "I invited her for brunch tomorrow. My father and Jimmy will be coming as well."

"I don't want Jimmy here."

"I know, I just...I couldn't say no. Please, Faith. Give him another chance. He'll apologize for what happened the other day."

Faith shook her head. She knew she couldn't win this argument with Leah. She'd just have to do what she'd been doing for the last seven, nearly eight months, and go along with whatever Leah wanted. She laughed to herself, wondering if this meant she was whipped. She certainly never imagined herself being the type to end up wrapped around someone's little finger. Things really had changed and she really, truly no longer recognized the woman she'd become and the woman she was slowly evolving into.

"What's so funny?" Leah asked, curiously staring into Faith's eyes as a small smile crept over her lips. "Babe? What's so funny?"

"You got me wrapped around your finger, you know that?"

"Which finger?"

Faith grinned as she picked Leah up and carried her into the bedroom. She was about to kick the door shut when the phone began to ring. "Why does the goddamn phone ring right when we're about to get naughty?"

"Because someone has horrible timing. Let me down," Leah laughed as Faith stood at the foot of the bed, still holding onto Leah and not letting her down. "It could be my boss."

"Fine," she groaned as she let Leah down and watched her dash out of the bedroom to answer the phone in the kitchen.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up despite the heat in the room, and she idly rubbed at the back of her neck, trying to ward off the shiver that now continuously ran up and down her spine. It was the middle of the morning, way too early for her senses to go into high alert. She lay down on the bed and closed her eyes, focusing on the shivers, the tingles, and the hum that ran through her body. There had been the odd time when she'd mistaken certain senses when her libido was racing out of control. She hoped that was the case this time, but the feeling intensified with every steady beat of her heart.

She felt trapped, almost as if she was suffocating. Instead of panicking, she got up from the bed slowly and made her way out to the kitchen. She saw Leah sitting at the desk, talking quietly into the phone as she typed away on the computer. Thinking it was probably the lack of decent sleep and the heat, Faith grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed out back and down to the water.

She could see Dawn and Xander a little ways down the long stretch of beach walking hand in hand, smiling and laughing together. They were really good for each other, and she could see that in just the way they'd look at one another. She wondered why she never thought they'd ever be good together before, but then again, the last time she'd seen them she didn't have her eyes wide open, not like she did now. She thought back to all those deep, heartfelt conversations she and Angel had over the years. He'd seen her mature before even she had been able to see the changes she'd gone through. Even Xander had noticed those changes just by talking to her over the phone.

It still scared her to look back five years ago and see herself at the beginning of trying to change her life, turn it around and do something good and worthwhile with it. All those changes had led to her being able to open her heart and let others in. She had Leah and their friends, most of whom they rarely saw anymore depending on the week. She had Angel, she had Xander, and she even had Dawn now. But the one person she really wanted just wasn't there. She just wanted Buffy to be there, to take Leah's place and make her happier than she ever thought was possible.

Could she really just end things with Leah when and if Buffy did decide to come and be a part of her life? As much as she wanted to be with Buffy, she wanted to be with Leah too. She shook her head, laughing at what she was putting herself through as she sat down in the sand and stared blankly out over the water. Sitting there watching the waves used to be so peaceful, so relaxing, and now all it did was make her mind wander to places that complicated her life.

"Faith, I have to go," Leah said as she walked up behind her and knelt down next to her. "Adam is having problems with the interns and they need me at the office. I'm going to call my mother and tell her we'll have to reschedule tomorrow for another day."

"Whatever."

"If I had a choice, I would have told Adam I couldn't come and fix the problems that..."

"Just go. It's work, whatever, right? They need you, so go."

"Are you mad?"

"No."

"Why do you sound mad?"

"Cos I'm a little pissed, no big deal, Leah."

"I'm going to stay with Adam and his fiancé tonight. Their number is on my desk. Call me later?"

"Yeah."

Faith let Leah give her a lingering kiss goodbye, but she didn't even turn to watch her walk back to the house. Her hands were shaking as she fought off the urge to go inside, grab her cigarettes and that bottle of whiskey she knew was on the top shelf above the refrigerator. That was something the old Faith would have done to deal with her anger. This Faith just let it swallow her up, chew her to bits, and spit her out when it damn well pleased.

Angel's visit later couldn't have had better timing. If there was one person in the entire world who could set her straight, it was him. She could talk to Xander, sure, but with Dawn there she felt slightly awkward talking to him about her suspicions of Leah possibly cheating on her. She had nothing to go on other than that wretched gut feeling. Maybe she was just trying to find reasons to push Leah aside, to cast her away, instead of dealing and sticking through it all. Or maybe those gut feelings were right and she was putting herself through hell for not listening to them and sticking by her first instinct.

She could feel the tears burning in her eyes, tears she quickly wiped away as soon as the sound of Xander and Dawn's voices drew nearer. She put on the fake smile she'd mastered over the years as they sat down next to her. Dawn prattled on about how she wanted to move back to California and Xander just went along with her, smiling and nodding, never saying a word. It wasn't like he could get a word in anyway. Faith chuckled when she realized how much Dawn was like Willow when it came to the endless babble that came out of her mouth.

"You okay, Faith?" Xander asked softly once Dawn went to the house to get some drinks after complaining about the heat. "Faith?"

"Huh?" She looked at him blankly then shook her head. "Sorry, no. I'm not okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as he put his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, Faith. You know you can talk to me about anything. You have before and nothing stopped you."

"You won't give up until I talk, huh?"

"Nope," he grinned and dropped his arm from around her when she held up a fist, threatening to punch him in the shoulder if he didn't. "Let me guess. This has something to do with Leah, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. It's probably stupid, but I get this feeling that she's been cheating on me."

"How come?"

"She never used to get called into work all the time and lately it's been every weekend. Last weekend with the storm, she stayed in the city longer than normal, used the 'all the roads were closed' excuse. This is pathetic, isn't it?"

"No," Xander said as he shook his head and frowned. "What else?"

"We haven't...had sex in almost two weeks. Every time we get close to leading things that way, something stops us. We either start fighting, the phone will ring, or it's something else."

"And it's never been this way before?"

"No," Faith said with a soft laugh. "I mean, come on, Xand. You know me, I thrive on sex and when I don't get some, I get cranky."

"We all do," he smirked as he looked back up at the house quickly. "Aside from all that, have you talked to her about it?"

"I tried, but so much else was going on at the time that...she..."

"It's probably nothing."

"I know," she sighed as she looked back up at the house, wondering when Dawn would be coming back. "I'm overreacting over nothing. I think the dreams I've been having with Buffy have been getting to my head. Even Angel said so before when it started getting bad like this years ago."

"Faith, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not," she shrugged.

"Are you...in love with Buffy?"

"Why would you say that?"

Xander looked at her wearily as she avoided looking directly into his eyes. "Angel and I had a nice little chat not too long ago. He never told me about the dreams, but he told me he knows how you feel about Buffy, and he told me he's afraid it's been consuming your life."

"It has been consuming my life. I can't stop thinking about her," she whispered under her breath. "I'm going crazy, aren't I? In love with someone that I can never have, someone that isn't even here."

"You aren't crazy. You'd be crazy _not_ to be in love with Buffy."

"Right, cos everyone has always been in love with Buffy," she laughed bitterly. "Oh yeah, I know how in love you once were with her. Angel told me all about it."

"Do you suddenly feel the need to start poking him with a pencil when he gets here?" Xander asked and they both burst into laughter that brought tears to their eyes. "It'd be fun, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I should have told you before, but..." he sighed as the laughter between them died down completely. "Giles and Willow were trying to track Buffy down and all they found was a paper trail leading them in circles. A couple weeks ago they figured out that it wasn't leading them in circles, she was just continuously moving from place to place and over time she'd go back to where she'd been before."

"So, you know where she is?"

"Yeah, I think so. Which now brings me to the real reason why I wanted to come here and see you," he said softly, looking back up at the house to make sure that Dawn still wasn't coming back out. "She's here. Well, not here exactly, but she's in the area. I got a couple of addresses and, I don't know, maybe you and I can go check them out later?"

"What about Dawn?"

Xander shrugged. "We can find a way to get her to stay behind. Better yet, if Angel is here later, he can keep Dawnie company for a couple hours."

Faith nodded, feeling overwhelmed by a whole wave of different conflicted emotions. Buffy was nearby, which would explain how she'd been able to come by the house before and slip away without being seen. It made her wonder just how many times Buffy had been by the house without her even knowing about it. She was growing restless now thinking of all the best and worst scenarios that could happen if they did happen to find her. She knew that no matter what, Buffy wouldn't be at all happy to be found. But like everyone else, Faith just wanted to find her, and now that they had an idea where she possibly was they were going to finally see her after five years without a single word or letter or phone call from her.

Dreams were one thing. Seeing her in person would be something else entirely. She'd be lying to herself if she didn't say she was scared shitless at the thought of finally coming face to face with Buffy after all those nights they'd spent together in their dreams.

When Dawn finally came back outside she had changed into a light blue bikini, and her arms were full of towels with a couple bottles of water stacked on top. Xander rushed over to help her and Faith tried not to smirk at the utter cuteness that surrounded them. They were definitely head over heels in love with one another and it sent a pang through her heart, wanting that for herself. Not with either of them, of course, and not with Leah, but with Buffy.

She took one of the towels from Dawn and spread it out over the sand. She forced a smile and muttered a thank you under her breath as she took off her tank top and shorts, revealing her black bikini underneath. She lay on her stomach across the blanket and heard Dawn smack Xander. It made her chuckle and shake her head a little as she took in a few deep breaths and hoped to get in a short, sweet, and quite possibly a dreamless nap.

She knew better than to hope for anything but a dream. They always came no matter what.

****

_She knew from the instant she felt those soft, warm hands roam over her body that she'd slipped into yet another dream. Instead of feeling annoyed, she relished the feel of Buffy's hands as they caressed the skin over her back, tracing random patterns and most likely watching as the goose bumps formed on her skin._

_"Started without me?" Faith whispered, turning her head to look over at Buffy lying next to her._

_"No," she replied with a shy smile. "I uh, I thought you were already here. I must have been..."_

_"Dreaming?"_

_The blush on Buffy's face gave it away and Faith could only chuckle as she turned onto her side and pulled Buffy close to her. It took her a moment to look away from her and realize they were no longer in the same room, nor were they even inside or in the bed. They were out on the beach, the sun blazing down over their naked skin and the roar of the waves nearly drowning out the rapid beating of her heart. The rock jetty, the same one she'd seen just that morning, was just down the beach a little ways. She opened her eyes wide in shock as she looked down at Buffy, words becoming an issue as she struggled to make sense of it all._

_Did she bring them there or did Buffy do it just as she always did? She'd known right from the start of these dreams that Buffy was always in control of where they were. Buffy always brought her there too, she knew, since she was always waiting._

_"Buffy, I..."_

_"I saw you this morning," she whispered, moving to straddle Faith's hips as she pushed her back in the sand and smiled down at her. "I watched you from my window. I thought you would have sensed me somehow, but you didn't."_

_"I..."_

_"I didn't think you'd come so far. You haven't since I've been here. I almost called out for you, but I wasn't ready for that. Not right then."_

_"I'm not sure I would have believed it was really you," she whispered against Buffy's lips as they lay there in the sand together. "Things have been so complicated in my life right now and...and you being here so close, I don't know what to say, what to think."_

_"You always think too much, even here," Buffy whispered as she shook her head when Faith tried to kiss her. "I never pegged you as a thinker before, but I know better now."_

_"Oh yeah?"_

_"I've said this so many times before, but you're always surprising me and showing me sides of yourself that I never thought I'd ever see in you. It almost hurts to know I've been gone for so long and missed so much, especially with you. I see the way you look at her, the way you...kiss her. I know you don't love her, but sometimes I wonder. If you don't love her, then why is she still there with you?"_

_"Sometimes I ask myself the same question, and you're wrong, B. I do love her, but the only difference is that it's you I'm in love with."_

_"That didn't answer my question."_

_Faith sighed as she lightly ran her hands down Buffy's back, trying to figure out the right way to explain it to her. She knew she wouldn't have too much time to play with, she could only faintly hear the sounds of Xander and Dawn talking quietly next to her._

_"Leah is..."_

_"Don't. I hate it when you say her name."_

_"Sorry," she sighed again as she reached up and gently pulled back Buffy's hair from her face. "It's the only stable relationship I've been in and it's kind of falling apart right now because all I can think about is you. All I've ever been able to think about in the past five years, if not longer, has been you, Buffy. Maybe I'm just another fool in love with a beautiful girl, or maybe it's something else. I don't want to wait any longer to figure it out. I can't...hold onto this, if I don't know it'll ever be real."_

_"It will be."_

_"When?"_

_"I told you. Soon."_

_"B, you keep telling me that. You told me that years ago and backed away. You know how I feel about you and you said yourself that you are no longer afraid. So tell me, Buffy, what the hell is making you so afraid?"_

_"You'll find out."_

_Faith groaned softly, knowing she would get nowhere with Buffy when she was acting like this. She didn't know what to think and she wasn't about to jump to any conclusions either. But she had to ask one thing, "B, are you..."_

_"Am I what?"_

_"Dead?"_

_"No," Buffy laughed. "I'm very much alive."_

_"I meant..." Faith shook her head, realizing how ridiculous she was being. "I was going to say, are you dead as in a vampire."_

_"If I was, we wouldn't be here, would we?"_

_"I don't know. You shared dreams with Angel, didn't you?"_

_"How do you know about that?"_

_"He told me," she responded softly as she searched Buffy's eyes, seeing the hurt and the betrayal flicker across her eyes. "Just tell me you aren't, B."_

_"I'm not. I swear to you that I am not, Faith. Can't you still feel me? Can't you still feel our connection? It's stronger than it's ever been."_

_"I can feel it," she smiled up at Buffy as she rolled her hips sharply against hers. "Oh hell, I can so feel it."_

_"Faith!" Buffy laughed as she shook her head and leaned down to kiss her. "You are so bad, you know that?"_

_"Would you really have me any other way?"_

_Buffy thought for a moment, smiling as she rolled her hips down into Faith's and shook her head. "No, I really wouldn't."_

_They kissed long and hard, rolling in the sand together as hands grabbed and sought out one another. Faith pulled back from the kiss and stared deeply into Buffy's eyes, already feeling herself being pulled from the dream. With one last kiss and one last whisper of her love, she closed her eyes and felt herself slipping away completely._

****

She exhaled softly as she opened her eyes and rolled onto her back, feeling her skin just a little bit burnt from the harsh rays of the sun. Xander and Dawn were no longer beside her. She leaned up to find them out in the water cooling off before she laid back down again, closing her eyes. There were only a couple more hours until the sun would go down, until Angel would arrive. She knew that somehow she had to convince Xander that going to look for Buffy now wasn't a good idea.

If they went to Buffy and not the other way around, it could be five more years before Buffy would come back to any of them. Five more years of torture. Five more years of dreams that haunted her every waking moment, or at least every other waking moment. Then again, she could be wrong about the whole thing too. Maybe that's what Buffy wanted. Why else would she have let it be known where she was, finally, after five years of being on the run?

"Hey," Xander laughed as he sat down on the towel next to her, flicking some water droplets as she opened her eyes and looked over at him. "Have a nice nap, Faith?"

"Was okay."

"You were out for almost two hours. Dawn said we should try to roll you over, but we decided against it. No need to piss the Slayer off when she's having naughty sexy dreams with the woman she's in..."

"Don't even."

"So there were naughty sexy dreams?"

Faith raised an eyebrow at him, fighting back the smirk as she turned her head up towards the sky and closed her eyes yet again. "Wouldn't you just love to know, Xand?"

"Oh yeah," he laughed as he flicked more water at her. "We still gonna go check out those three addresses I got for Buffy later?"

"I know where she is," Faith said softly, turning her head and opening her eyes just enough to look over at him. "She finally showed me. She's not that far from here, about an hour walk down the beach."

"No shit," he said under his breath. "You didn't tell her we were coming, did you?"

"No, I didn't. I have a funny feeling she already knows, though, just like she knows about a lot of things she shouldn't know about."

He looked confused for a moment, then understood just what she was getting at. They kept quiet as Dawn walked over and sat down next to him, complaining about how dry the water made her skin. Faith kept her 'typical Summers women' comment to herself as she closed her eyes yet again and hoped to enjoy what was left of the day without another worry, doubt, or even serious thought.

She fought off sleep, waking herself up whenever she felt herself start to slip into a light doze. She didn't want to have yet another dream. The next time she saw Buffy she wanted to see her for real and she was determined to let that happen.

All afternoon she listened to Xander and Dawn banter back and forth, holding back the smiles and the laughs as she laid there soaking up the sun. It made her realize how much she'd missed being around the two of them, even though in the past they'd never really been friends. It just proved how much everyone had changed. How even so far apart as they had been, they'd grown closer and had a bond that was stronger than anything she'd ever had with anyone before. She didn't have friends here that were like the two of them. Her friends were more Leah's friends and she knew they all just tolerated her, 'liked' her because she was Leah's girl, and laughed at her jokes so she wouldn't feel so out of place.

But when it all came down to it, she did feel out of place among those people that Leah had known most of her life. The only people she ever felt herself around anymore were Angel, Xander, and now Dawn. She wasn't so sure about Buffy. Dream Buffy could be entirely different than whatever was waiting for her out there in reality. A part of her was afraid, but a bigger part of her couldn't wait to find out.


	7. Chapter 6

It was an hour after sunset when Angel showed up. Faith let him catch up with Xander and Dawn privately and she cleaned up the kitchen from the mess they'd made cooking for their small, impromptu barbecue. The three of them were sitting out back, laughing and catching up on everything that they had gone through in the last five years. Angel did keep in contact with them in Cleveland, but the phone calls were mostly that of a business nature. She felt, for the first time in a long time, normal and surrounded by people that actually meant something to her. She couldn't help but smile to herself just a little as she brought a fresh bottle of wine and four glasses out back.

She said nothing as she poured them each a glass of wine and sat down in between Angel and Xander. The two of them were talking about the way things were being run in Cleveland and around the rest of the world, and she tensed up when Angel asked what they would do if Buffy ever decided to come back. Xander said they'd deal with it when and if the time ever came and he quickly changed the subject to talking about the new weapons Giles had on order.

Weapons were Faith's thing and she listened intently as Xander described the basics of what the new weapons were like. A lot of swords, long thick knives, and replicas of the scythe. A part of the reason why she never wanted to go to Cleveland was the fact there were more demons there than vampires. She didn't mind fighting vampires, less mess when she finished them off, but demons were a different story. She'd already ruined several pair of leather pants having had the misfortune of running into some a few months back.

"Where's Leah tonight?" Angel asked once Xander excused himself inside for a moment. "I thought she was going to be here?"

"She got called in to work."

"Oh," Angel said as he raised an eyebrow at that. "Again? Isn't she just freelance?"

"I have no idea anymore," Faith shrugged. "Uh, would you two mind staying back for about an hour or two? Xander and I have a couple things to do, an errand to run."

"An errand?" Dawn asked, her voice already slurring the words and she was only on her second glass of wine. "For what?"

"I wanted to show him around town, show him the sights."

"But it's night!"

"Yeah," Faith chuckled. "Was kind of hoping we'd do a quick patrol and stop and grab another bottle of wine on the way home."

"Would you like me to come along?" Angel asked, and she quickly shook her head no. "I'll stay behind with Dawn then."

Sometimes, even though she knew better, she wondered if Angel could read her mind. She just knew he was good at reading her body language and the way she spoke. It was just one of those downfalls of showing someone her true side with none of her walls built up around her. Leah hadn't been able to see right through her yet. She still had a lot of walls built up around her when it came to Leah, and Buffy…she really didn't know sometimes. Everything was always laid out in the open in their dreams, but not everything was really as it seemed there.

After Xander came back outside, the two of them finished off their wine and grabbed a couple of weapons. Faith didn't explain why until they had walked down the beach a little. Other than that, they said nothing for nearly the whole walk down to where the rock jetty was. Faith was nervous, she could already feel the butterflies in her stomach, and when she looked at Xander she could see he was just as nervous, and maybe even a little bit scared of seeing Buffy again.

She stopped about half a mile from the jetty and lit a cigarette. Xander bummed one off of her and they began walking slowly again, still not saying a word and neither of them even looking at one another. She kept looking up at the houses and small apartment buildings that they passed, none of them feeling like they were the right place. She knew Buffy would be able to sense her and that Buffy would probably feel her coming first long before Faith could feel her too. She had her fingers mentally crossed that Buffy wouldn't run.

"You still got the address on you?" Faith asked Xander as they came to a stop near the spot where she'd had the dream with Buffy that afternoon. "We can't be too far."

"Yeah, got it," he said as he pulled out the piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. "You don't think she's gonna run, do you?"

"High chance she will. Doesn't hurt to go up to the door and knock, does it?"

"What if she does run?"

"Then we have no choice but to wait for her to come back when she's ready to. Can't force someone to stop running when they don't want to, you know?" Faith said as she struggled to read the paper, barely making out the address. She looked up at the only apartment building ahead of them and took a deep breath. "I think that's the place."

"I'm starting to get this feeling that maybe this is a bad idea," Xander sighed as he stopped Faith from walking away from him. "I don't want her to keep running. None of us do."

"You tell me this now after we've walked all this way?" Faith groaned as she pulled her arm away from him and slugged him in the arm. "You couldn't have had that feeling back at the house?"

Xander shrugged as he rubbed the shoulder she'd hit. They stood there for awhile just staring up at the building, both of them debating whether or not to go up and knock on apartment 1C. Faith could feel Buffy, their connection making her body hum the strongest it ever had. She shivered, loving and hating the feeling at the same time. If she could feel Buffy then she knew Buffy surely could feel her now. She pulled out her pack of cigarettes and with a shaky hand she lit one and offered one to Xander. He held up his hand and shook his head no before sitting down in the sand and hanging his head low.

"All I've wanted for the last five years was to see her again," he said softly as she sat down next to him. "I just want to know that she's okay. I've spent five years worrying about her and I don't think I could handle worrying about her for another five years."

"We've all been worried about her," Faith replied quietly as she looked out over the water. "She always tells me she's okay in our dreams, but sometimes I think she's unhappy being so alone now. I think she's tired of running, tired of doing things her way. Then again, I could be wrong."

"She's gonna be pissed we just showed up like this, isn't she?"

"Probably. There's a very high possibility that one or both of us will get punched or slapped in the face," she replied with a soft, forced laugh. "We can't sit out here all night. I know she knows I'm here."

"How?"

"I can feel her."

"Don't you always 'feel' her though?"

"I do," she nodded. "But it's different when I'm closer to her, stronger. Almost feels like when you get drunk and your body goes numb, minus the whole going numb part."

"If you can feel her, that means she can definitely feel you too, right?"

"Where did I lose you?" Faith laughed as she nudged him with her shoulder and shook her head.

"It's funny because all of the other slayers never once mentioned this connection thing before. Giles said once it was probably from the spell and that there were just too many of them now for them to feel that connection fully. Got to wonder though..."

"Wonder about what?"

"If the connection you two have is more than just a Slayer thing."

"I've been asking myself that since the day I first came into her life and yours."

"You've always felt it?"

"Even before I came to Sunnydale I felt it. Never really knew what it was, and it got stronger after the whole body swap. Angel has a few theories about it too, something about being soul mates, but you know I don't believe in that."

"Why not?"

"I just don't," she shrugged. "Then again, I never believed I could fall in love either, and here I am, head over fucking heels in love with Buffy."

"Life is full of surprises sometimes, isn't it?"

"Apparently I am full of surprises too," she laughed and shook her head as she took a long drag of her cigarette.

They sat there for awhile, just watching the waves as they rolled in. She was thinking of what she'd say to Buffy once she saw her. There was too much and not enough that she wanted to say and the only thing she really wanted to do was wrap her arms around her and hold her close and never let go. She had to remember what Buffy had said to her before, about starting over, starting from the beginning. It meant literally starting at the beginning and doing it all over again, only this time for real. Faith still felt as if what she shared with Buffy in their dreams really was real. She felt it every day and with every sharp pang in her heart whenever she felt like she was cheating on Leah or Buffy, depending on who she was with at the time.

"Crap," Faith sighed softly. "Everything is so fucked up."

"What is?"

"Life," she replied softly. "This whole situation with Buffy, and I'm not just talking about right now, I'm talking about whatever the hell kind of relationship we've been having."

"How'd it start? You left out quite a bit when you told me before."

"We just talked a lot in the beginning, mostly about everything but ourselves and each other. I don't know how it progressed, but over time things started to change, I started to feel more for her and I know she felt the same. She kissed me first and I thought I really was dreaming and not really there with her, you know? Then things just...happened over the next year and it's been like that ever since."

"You two basically had a relationship in your shared dreams that progressed just like a normal relationship would?"

"Slower, but yeah, it went just like that."

"And you're worried everything is going to be different now?"

"It _is_ going to be different now, Xand. We have to start all over, that is if she even wants to. Sometimes I get this feeling a big part of the dreams we share really aren't shared in the same way. She could be seeing something entirely different than what I do, you know?"

"Dreams are a mystery all on their own. Like the time I dreamt Dawnie was chasing me dressed up as a clown. Now that was some freaky shit," Xander chuckled. "You really think it'd be different between you two?"

"Yeah."

"What if it's not? What about Leah?"

"That's one reason why everything is so fucked up."

Xander just nodded, not knowing what else to say. They sat there in silence again until Faith felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She looked down the beach a little ways and felt her heart nearly come to a stop. She nudged Xander, and they both looked on as Buffy came to a stop just down from them and looked out over the water, seemingly oblivious to their presence. They both stood up, both of them barely breathing as they stared over at where Buffy stood.

"That's not her, is it?" Xander asked softly as he nudged Faith with his shoulder. "It is, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's her."

"Should we..."

Faith shushed him as she flicked her cigarette to the ground and tentatively approached Buffy. She could feel her heart swell as Buffy turned her head a little to look over at her and even in the darkness of the night she could see the smile on Buffy's face. With every step she took that brought her closer, her heart was clenching in her chest, the words lost as Buffy completely took her breath away.

She watched as Buffy went to Xander first. The two of them were crying as they held on to one another. She couldn't hear the whispers they exchanged over the sound of the waves and her heart racing wildly in her chest. Minutes passed by that felt like hours before Buffy dropped her arms from around Xander and turned to look at her. Faith wanted to hug her, hold her close and never let go, but something felt wrong about it. She knew she had to wait for Buffy to make that first move. She always had to wait for Buffy to make the first move.

"Hey, B," she smiled as she jammed her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

"What, I don't get a hug from you?"

Faith shrugged, unable to wipe the huge grin off of her face as Buffy threw her arms around her and pulled her in close. Outside of their dreams, they'd never hugged, and they'd never been so close unless they'd been fighting. She waited a few seconds before she wrapped her arms around Buffy, sighing softly at how perfect it felt to finally be able to hold her for real. The moment felt almost bittersweet and didn't last nearly as long as the hug she'd had with Xander.

"I missed you guys," Buffy said softly as she pulled back from Faith and crossed her arms over her chest. "Where's Dawnie?"

"Back at the house with Angel," Faith replied as she stayed standing close to her. "You aren't mad that we came to see you, are you?"

"No," she smiled as she looked at her and then at Xander. "It's fine that you came. Makes me realize how much I really did miss you guys."

Xander still looked nervous, and like Faith he was at loss for words. Buffy said nothing as she motioned for them to follow her, the three of them then walking up to the apartment building and waiting as Buffy unlocked the door with some difficulty.

"Always sticks a little," she chuckled as she finally got the door open and stepped inside. "Would you two like something to drink? I could put on some coffee..."

"Coffee sounds great," Xander smiled as he walked in first.

Faith stood there outside, her heart still racing so quickly she thought it was going to burst. Buffy and Xander were already halfway down the hall and in front of the door to her apartment before Faith finally walked inside and caught up to them.

She pulled at the hem of her shirt nervously as they walked inside the apartment. It was spacious, open, and lacked furniture aside from a small couch, a TV she guessed didn't work, and a small kitchen table with two chairs that had seen better days. She felt out of place standing there watching Buffy as she walked into the kitchen, talking to Xander quietly about her plans to eventually go to Cleveland. She took that moment alone to glance around the empty looking apartment, seeing the bedroom door open and taking a few steps towards it. She glanced inside, gasping as her breath caught in her throat, seeing that it was the exact room that was in her dreams, _their_ dreams.

"How do you take your coffee, Faith?" Buffy called out from the kitchen.

"You got any cream?"

"Yeah."

"Just a splash," she replied, stepping back from the bedroom and turning to look at Buffy as she walked out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee in her hand. "Nice place."

"It's home for now."

"For how long?"

"Another week, maybe two."

"Then what?" Faith asked as the three of them sat around the table, Xander leaning against the wall and glancing around the apartment. She pulled a face as she took a sip of her coffee. It was instant. She hated instant, but drank it anyway.

"Cleveland," Buffy shrugged. "I was going to go back there soon anyway. I just...I wanted to come see you first."

Faith smiled at her, finding it too easy just to feel as comfortable as she felt around her in their dreams. She sat there and listened as Buffy and Xander started talking quietly, avoiding questions of just what she'd been doing for the last five years. Xander did most of the talking. He started by telling her about things in Cleveland, about the new Council Giles had set up. He told her about him and Dawn and Faith watched her face intensely, waiting for a reaction that never came. She just smiled at Xander and told him he better not break Dawn's heart. Every once in a while Buffy would look over at her and they'd just smile a little before Buffy quickly broke the gaze and looked back over at Xander as he continued to talk.

Things were definitely not going the way she thought they would. Buffy seemed happy they were there, relieved even. Her heart raced that little bit quicker with every small smile Buffy flashed her way. She felt her breath being taken away with every look, every smile, and it made her feel dizzy and weak in the knees. She wished she'd come there alone. She wanted to talk to Buffy privately, but it'd have to wait for another time. Xander continued talking, sounding a little less nervous than he had in the beginning. Faith laughed quietly to herself, knowing just how long he could ramble on for.

She could see that Xander was itching to ask Buffy for the reasons why she'd spent so long away from all of them and didn't keep in touch. She could tell he was trying hard not to take the conversation that way, afraid of the consequences that would follow. She could feel her hands start to shake a little as she drank the last of her coffee and placed the mug down on the worn table in front of her.

"This isn't as awkward as I thought it'd be," Xander laughed as Buffy stood up from the table to take their empty mugs into the kitchen. "We all missed you, Buff."

"I know. I missed you all too. Don't worry. I'm done running now. I want to come home, wherever home may be now."

Buffy looked at Faith when she said 'home' and it made Faith feel a little nervous when she tried not to think of just what Buffy was saying to her. She kept saying she'd go back to Cleveland, but Faith could tell she didn't want to. She wanted to stay there, with her, and yet she wasn't actually saying it. She didn't have to. The feelings she felt through their connection said it loud and clear. There was just one problem with the whole thing: Leah.

Faith had no idea what she was going to do about her relationship with Leah. She knew she wasn't entirely happy with her, yet she wasn't sure if anything would be any better if she ended it. She wasn't going to just end it because Buffy was now back in her life, especially since it might only be for the time being. She was going to end it for the sake of her own sanity. The bigger picture was becoming a lot clearer now than it had been in the last week or two. She had to do something or she'd be forever stuck in the vicious cycle of wondering from moment to moment what the right thing to do was.

"It's getting late," Xander said as he glanced at his watch. "Dawn and Angel are going to wonder where we've been all this time."

"Oh. Right," Buffy nodded, suddenly looking upset that they were planning to leave so soon. "Do you think maybe I could come back with you two? I think I need to talk to Dawn, explain a few things, and I really don't want to leave it for much longer."

"Sure can," Faith smiled at her, ignoring the nervousness as it hit her in waves. "It's a long walk, though, and it is kind of late."

"That's okay. I had a nice nap this afternoon," Buffy said with a wink as she grabbed her keys off the small table by the door where she'd dropped them. "Do you think she's going to be mad?"

"She'll be upset and throw a Dawnie sized freak out, but she won't be mad," Xander said, smiling as if trying to assure her it'd be okay. "You know she'll demand answers for you being gone for five years."

"I know. I'll tell her and once I do, I'll tell you two everything. I owe it to Dawn to tell her everything first," Buffy said quietly as she opened the door and waited for Faith and Xander to step out into the hallway. "Xander, can you meet us outside? I want to talk to Faith for a moment alone."

"Sure," he said, and without questioning why, he headed for the door that led outside while Faith stepped back inside the apartment.

"I wish you came alone," Buffy said quietly as she shut the door. "I wanted to talk to you before I saw anyone else."

"About what?"

"Our dreams," she said softly as she looked away from her, a slight blush creeping over her cheeks. "They really happened, didn't they? I mean, I know they felt real, but did they really happen, Faith?"

"I think they did."

"Then you remember what I said about starting at the beginning?"

"I remember everything, B."

"Can you maybe, forget that little part for a minute?" She asked shyly as she stepped closer to Faith.

"Why?"

"Because the moment I saw you all I wanted to do was kiss you," she whispered in reply as she took one last step until their bodies were close and barely a breath away from touching. "Can I kiss you?"

"Buffy..." Faith regretfully stopped her before their lips could touch and she shook her head as she took a few steps back. "Our dreams were different, but here, I can't. Not yet."

"Because of _her_?"

Faith nodded her head slowly. "Yeah."

"I get it," Buffy sighed as she reached for the door and opened it. "Maybe things would have been different if I came back sooner."

"Maybe."

"We've come a long way and yet at the same time we haven't gone anywhere."

"I know what you mean."

"Have you always been so understanding?"

"Not always," Faith chuckled as she stepped out into the hallway and watched as Buffy closed and locked the door behind her. "Took a lot of work over the years. Spent a long time working on bettering myself."

"Did it work?"

"It did and it didn't," she shrugged as they made their way to the end of the hallway. "Every once in a while I find myself standing on the edge of the darkness, ready to take the plunge again."

"What stops you from falling over that edge?"

"Reminding myself that it wasn't worth it the last time I did," Faith replied as she opened the door and they stepped outside. "I think I'm gonna owe Angel for the rest of my life for being there for me."

"I'm going to owe him too," Buffy said softly. "Because if he hadn't been there for you, I don't think you'd be where you are right now. We wouldn't even be standing here talking right now if it wasn't for him, you know?"

"You're right. I wouldn't. I don't think I would have allowed myself to ever admit how I felt about you if Angel hadn't told me that it was okay to let my guard down and learn how to love with my whole heart, learn that love isn't a weakness, it's a strength."

"Do you two need some more time alone to talk?" Xander asked as they joined him at the edge of the path where it met with the soft sand on the beach. "I'll walk ahead far enough so you two can talk privately if you need to."

"It's okay," Buffy smiled up at him as she linked her arm through his. "There'll be plenty of time to talk. Right now I just want to walk with you and listen to more stories of the things I've missed."

Faith fell behind the two of them, barely listening as Xander went on and on about stories she'd heard plenty of times over the years. He stuck to the happier things that happened in their lives without her and the sound of Buffy's laughter ripped through her heart hard each and every time. It kind of tore her apart inside to see Buffy acting this way. She'd been gone for five years and she was acting as if she hadn't been gone more than a couple of days.

She chain-smoked the entire walk back to the house, losing count after the third one. Xander never stopped talking and Buffy never stopped laughing at the stories he was telling her. She picked up the pace and breezed past them as they reached the house. She grabbed the bottle of wine off the table, ignoring the looks both Angel and Dawn gave her as she poured the rest into her glass and nearly chugged it all back in one go.

"Look who we found," she muttered as Buffy and Xander walked up to the back porch.

"Buffy?" Dawn blinked as she stood up so quickly the chair she'd been sitting in toppled backwards.

The tears the two shed made Faith's own tears threaten to fall. She grabbed the empty wine bottle and headed inside, not wanting to be caught in front of them tearing up at the sight of Dawn and Buffy having their reunion. Xander and Angel followed her inside to give the two of them a chance to talk privately. Angel grabbed a fresh bottle of wine off of the rack and stopped Faith as she rummaged through the drawer looking for the corkscrew.

"Twist cap," he said softly as he opened it and smiled at her. "You okay, Faith?"

"Peachy."

"I'll grab the glasses and the three of us will go sit out front," Xander said as he quickly made his way out the back door.

"You sure you're okay?" Angel asked softly as he took a tentative step towards Faith. "You knew she was here?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I was keeping it a secret from you or anything," she shrugged as she quickly wiped away a few tears that fell. "Okay, maybe we were keeping it a secret. Xander knew before I did."

"And how do you suppose Xander knew about it in the first place?"

"You?" She asked coldly, shaking her head in disbelief when Angel just lowered his eyes to the floor. "God, I should have known."

"I was working with Giles and Willow. We were all trying to find her, Faith. He's the one who found the paper trail and I helped them put the pieces of the puzzle together in order to find the pattern. You have got to understand I only kept this from you because I wasn't sure she was still here. I didn't want to give you false hope."

"Didn't you tell me I had to give up hope?"

"I did, but I know you too well, Faith. You are stubborn and you aren't going to give up hope unless you have your own reasons to. I just hoped that saying that to you would make you open your eyes to see what's really there in front of you."

"What's that?"

"Leah."

"Let me guess," she scoffed as she looked over at Xander and grabbed her glass from his hands and quickly poured the wine into it. "You knew Leah is an inactive Slayer, didn't you?"

"Charles came to speak with me last week," Angel replied softly. "So yes, I knew."

"You know, between the two of you I really thought I found people I could trust. Who the fuck was I kidding?" Faith said through clenched teeth as she headed for the front door and walked outside, not caring in the least that she spilt half the wine as she sat down on the front steps.

Xander came out and sat down next to her, placing the bottle of wine on the steps in between them. "Faith, look..."

"What? Are you gonna apologize to me for keeping fucking secrets?"

"No, well yes, but..."

"Don't even, okay?"

"We wanted to be sure we knew where she was, Faith. It's over now. She's here, safe and sound."

"For now," she replied harshly. "Who the fuck knows what is gonna happen when she leaves tonight? She could take off again."

"I don't think she will," Angel said quietly as he leaned against the doorframe. "Just overheard her telling Dawn she's going back to Cleveland tomorrow."

"Great," Faith said as she rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. "_That's_ reassuring."

Xander put his arm over her shoulders and she tried to shrug it off. She gave up and let the tears fall. She didn't even know why she was crying now. Maybe the wine was getting to her, or maybe she was losing all hope. Whatever it was, she didn't care anymore as she let the tears flow freely. Xander pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her tightly, not letting her go even when she tried to push him away.

"Come back with us, Faith."

"I can't," she sobbed as she wiped her nose on his shirt and laughed a little as she pulled away. "I have a life here, Xand. I can't just pack up and move across the country with you guys."

"Sure you can! People do it every day," he smiled at her as he glanced down at the wet spot on his shirt. "And I can be your human Kleenex any day of the week instead of once every couple of years, provided you need the human Kleenex often."

"But I..."

"You know we need you there."

"What about Leah?"

"Bring her or ditch her," Xander shrugged and Faith slugged him in the shoulder a little too hard. "Jeez, Faith. I was joking about the ditching her thing!"

She sighed as she reached for her glass and took another sip before wiping the last of the tears from her cheeks. "Despite how shit the relationship has turned out, I can't just get up and walk away, can I?"

"Sure you could."

"Wouldn't that make me a bad person for just giving up?"

Xander shrugged and put his arm back over her shoulders and let out a soft sigh. "Sometimes you got to let go of things when you feel they aren't working anymore. If you don't love her, then why are you still with her?"

"Cos the sex is good? At least when we have it, it is," she chuckled and she heard Angel chuckle right along with her. "Close your mouth, Xand, unless you don't mind the mosquitoes flying in there."

"Anyone ever tell you that you act like someone who has bi-polar or something?" Xander asked, quickly moving away before Faith had the chance to slug him in the shoulder again. "Just saying, you know?"

"I've always been like this for as long as I can remember. Have you forgotten what I was like back in Sunnydale?"

"No, but you definitely weren't like this."

"What'd you call it, Angel?" Faith asked as she turned to look at him. "Learning to let my emotions run their course instead of bottling them up?"

"And it works?" Xander asked, raising an eyebrow at her as if he didn't believe it.

"Kept me fairly sane these past few years," she laughed. "Gives me a lot of ups and downs and conflicted feelings, but at the end of the day I don't feel the need to go beat the living shit out of someone or something, you know?"

"So, what are you going to do now?" Angel asked as he stepped down and sat down next to her. "Are you going to stay here, work things out with Leah, or are you going to go to Cleveland?"

"I'm staying. My life is here and for once in my life I've found a place I can call home that really does feel like home."

"And what about Buffy?" Xander asked her softly as he reached for the bottle of wine and topped up her glass. "You aren't going to see if things will work out between you two?"

"Hello, if you haven't noticed I'm not exactly single. Besides," she shrugged as she leaned back on the steps and closed her eyes for a moment, "if it's meant to be, we'll find a way to be together. If not, always got our dreams, right?"

"Is it enough, though?"

"It'll never be enough, Xander. But you know it'll have to be enough until we figure out what we really want. Buffy needs to get back to her life and I need to go on with my own. We can't do that together. I think both Buffy and I know that."

Xander just nodded and clinked his glass to hers. Angel said nothing as he reached for the bottle and topped up his own glass. They sat out there drinking in silence, watching the stars as they shone in the sky. She was just trying to relax, trying to let go of all her thoughts instead of letting them consume her the way they usually did. She had the people she cared about the most in her life there with her now and she wanted to enjoy the time she could spend with them as much as she could. She had no idea when they would all be together again like this and even though she did see Angel every couple of weeks, it was nice just to have him there too.

She wasn't sure how long they were out there before Xander passed out leaning against her. With Angel's help they got him inside and into the spare room. He mumbled something under his breath before he pulled the pillow close to his chest. Faith and Angel only exchanged a look as they stumbled out of the room and headed for the back door. Buffy and Dawn were still talking quietly, but there were no tears, just laughter. Faith sat down in her chair and closed her eyes, feeling herself drifting off to the sound of Buffy's voice.

If this was all a dream, it was one of those dreams she never wanted to wake up from.


	8. Chapter 7

Faith blinked as she stretched out on the bed. Her head was pounding and her memories of the night before were rather fuzzy in the first few moments of waking. She rolled over to the middle of the bed and sighed softly as she tried to get her mind to focus. She could hear the voices in the kitchen, and she sat up on the bed slowly when she heard Buffy's laughter over Dawn and Xander's. Faintly, only very faintly, did she remember Angel, just before dawn, carrying her to bed before he left, whispering to her that he'd call later to check in after Xander, Dawn, and Buffy had left.

"Faith, are you awake yet?" Xander called out as he knocked on the door. She got off the bed, walking slowly to the door and opening it. "Good, you're alive."

"Barely."

"Dawn and I are going to go out and grab some breakfast. Do you mind if I borrow your truck?"

Faith shrugged as she found the keys on the dresser and handed them to him. She said nothing as she walked past him and into the kitchen, sighing in relief when she saw there was nearly a full pot of coffee already made. She didn't even look at Buffy as she poured herself a cup and headed out back, hoping the fresh morning air would help her clear the hangover. Buffy followed her outside and took a seat next to her, smiling at Faith when she turned to look at her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like the dead," Faith chuckled wryly as she took a tentative sip of her hot coffee. "God, did I open that bottle of whiskey last night?"

"You did. You passed out about an hour after that."

"Great," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "Sorry for acting like an ass last night. Just with everything that's been going on in my life lately I guess I was looking for some kind of release by drinking like a fish last night."

"We all had quite a bit to drink. No need to apologize for anything, although I think watching Xander and Dawnie making out in the kitchen earlier has traumatized me forever."

"Yeah, that'll traumatize anyone," Faith smirked as she placed her mug on the table in front of her and ran her hands through her hair. "So, you're really going with them to Cleveland?"

"I am."

"You feel okay about that?"

"It's time I went home," Buffy replied softly. "I did my own thing for five years. It's time for me to get back to my real life. It's been time for a while now. Dawn made me realize that last night, too."

"Guess so," she shrugged as she looked out over the water and sighed. "Guess we'll have to go back to just seeing each other in our dreams then, huh?"

"I like our dreams," Buffy smiled shyly. "Sometimes just knowing you'd be there nearly every night with me made me feel less alone."

Buffy reached for her hand and after hesitating for a moment, Faith allowed her to take it. She gave her a tight-lipped smile as she intertwined their fingers together. Just having Buffy's hand in her own sent a multitude of shockwaves through her entire body. It was nearly ten times as intense as it was in their dreams and she gasped softly as she closed her eyes and tried not to think of what it'd feel like to kiss her for real. Being with Buffy in her dreams was different than actually making the moves on her outside of them. It was cheating, through and through, and she didn't want to become much like her old self and give into the temptation easily.

She didn't just owe it to Leah to stay committed to their relationship. She owed it to herself. She dropped Buffy's hand rather quickly when she heard the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway. She knew just from the slightest squeak of the brakes that it was Leah. Trying not to panic, she got up and went inside just as Leah came in the front door.

"Hey," Faith said with a forced smile as Leah dropped her bag by the bedroom door and made her way into the kitchen. "Everything get sorted out at work?"

"Yeah," Leah nodded, yawning as she wrapped her arms around Faith and gave her a soft, chaste kiss. "I...we need to talk, Faith."

"About what?"

"Us."

"Can it wait?" Faith asked her as she stepped back from her and motioned to the back door. "Kind of got company still. Xander and Dawn went out to get some breakfast."

"Who is outside?"

"Buffy."

"Buffy?" Leah asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise. "What the hell is she doing here?"

"Long story," Faith muttered as she shrugged her shoulders as if it was no big deal. "I'll tell you later, okay?"

"I won't be here later."

Faith blinked a couple times as she studied Leah's face. Something was definitely going on. Her gut instinct told her it wasn't good. She stole a quick glance at the back door before pulling Leah into the bedroom. "What's going on, babe?"

"I...I don't even know where to start," she whispered as she looked at Faith with tears in her eyes.

"Start with what?"

"Please promise me you won't be mad?"

"Why? What's going on, Leah? Just tell me straight up what the fuck is going on."

"I'm leaving," she whispered as she walked over to the bed and sat down as the tears began to fall. "I never meant to hurt you, Faith. I was supposed to end it between him and I long before I ever met you."

"Wait, who the fuck are you talking about?"

"Adam," Leah replied as she kept her eyes trained on the floor. "He made all these promises to me before, years ago when it started, that he'd leave his fiancée and we'd have a life together. I..."

"Wait," Faith sighed heavily, feeling her anger bubbling deep inside of her as she started to fill in the blanks. "Are you telling me that you've been fucking your boss the whole time you've been with me?"

"I'm sorry," Leah sobbed as she buried her face in her hands for a moment to try to stop the tears. Faith just stood by the door, her fists clenched tight at her sides as she breathed evenly, trying to suppress the anger that was growing by the second. "I really did love you, Faith. I still do. I wanted to end things with Adam, but I'm in love with him too. I have been for nearly three years now."

"So, that's it then? You are just going to leave me cos of some affair you've been having?"

"I'm pregnant," she said so quietly Faith almost thought she'd imagined it. "I'm leaving you because I'm pregnant with his baby. I lied to you about work yesterday. That phone call was from my doctor wanting me to come in and discuss the results of the test I had on Monday."

Everything inside of Faith screamed 'I told you so' as it all began to sink in. She just stared blankly over at Leah, anger and upset warring within her, not sure which she was feeling most. Breathing steadily as she tried to control her raging emotions, she placed her hands on the door and slammed it shut once she'd stepped inside the room.

"Are you fucking kidding me? What was all that bullshit about your parents coming to meet me?"

"I...they really were going to come here. Faith," Leah sighed as she looked up at her, "you really think that this is easy for me? Do you really think I asked for my life to go this way? It was hard enough to know that I was a Slayer and to learn about that part of life that I thought only existed in my nightmares. I was just finding myself then, finding out who I really was. I still don't know who I am."

"Well, good luck trying to fucking figure it out then!"

"When I told my mother, it's something I should have told her years ago. But I didn't tell her straight out that I am gay, because I'm not. I just told her I've been dating another woman, living with another woman for most of the year. She was the one who asked me if it was you."

"Whatever. I don't even fucking care anymore."

"Faith, if I wasn't pregnant..."

"You would have never told me you were fucking your boss, right?" She spat as she walked over to the dresser and picked up her nearly crushed pack of cigarettes. "I knew something was going on. I fucking knew things weren't quite the way they seemed. You fucking used me, didn't you? Used me cos I have a place of my own and was so fucking willing to let you come and live here with me."

"I never _used_ you, Faith. Are you listening to yourself?" Leah laughed incredulously as she watched Faith walk over to the window and open it as wide as it could go. "There's no easy way to explain myself, is there? This was all just a mistake! If I didn't end up pregnant, I would have told him it is over."

"And that's it then? You're gonna raise his bastard child while he does what, exactly? Cos you know, men like that just don't leave their wives or fiancées or girlfriends for the slut on the side."

Faith was already feeling too numb to feel the force of the slap across her face. She just turned and looked out the window, forcing back the tears as she listened to Leah begin to pack up her clothes. She sat on the edge of the windowsill and lit a cigarette, her hands shaking and her body feeling cold. No matter what she did feel for Leah, everything stung and tore at her heart. She'd been right. She thought she'd love the feeling of being right, but when it came to something like this it was heartbreaking.

"I'll come back during the week for the rest of my stuff," Leah said quietly as she zipped up the large suitcase laid out on the bed. "Faith, I'm sorry."

"Whatever."

"I didn't want this."

"You think I did?" Faith asked coldly as she flicked her cigarette out the window.

"I didn't want to have to end this between us. We've had a rough couple of weeks, I know we have, but it's normal in any relationship. I thought we'd get past it all and I'd be able to end things with Adam and we'd be able to have a happy, relatively stable relationship together. I keep asking myself one thing, though."

"What's that?"

"How could you ever love me the way you love _her_? You can't. I know you can't and you never will love anyone the way you love Buffy. It's one of those 'the one' things, you know?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"You deserve to be happy, Faith. I know I never made you happy enough."

"You did," she said under her breath. "You did make me happy, Leah. You were the first one to ever break down my walls and show me for awhile there that being in a relationship is worth it."

"I was your test run," she chuckled as she walked over to Faith and gently grabbed onto both her hands. "I know what I was to you and I knew the whole time I could never be _her_ no matter how much you wanted me to be. You talk in your sleep, you know that?"

"I do?" Faith looked puzzled and shocked, never having realized she did talk in her sleep. "What did I say?"

"You said her name. A lot. Cried it, moaned it. You always dreamt of her, didn't you?"

"Every night."

"You know who I dreamt of every night?"

"Who? Adam?" Faith asked, a sneer creeping over her lips when Leah quickly shook her head no.

"I dreamt of you while you laid there next to me dreaming of _her_."

Faith shrugged, not knowing what else to say. She didn't want to fight with her, argue and bitch and scream at her. It wasn't worth it. And for all the months they'd been together, the good times they had and good memories they made were worth keeping in her heart without being tainted by the most recent events that had unfolded. Despite how heartbroken she was, she wanted to end things on good terms with Leah. It was one of the things she and Angel had discussed months before; that no matter how bad things could get between two people, it wasn't worth leaving things on an angry, bitter note.

It was one of those things she'd tried with Buffy after the fall of Sunnydale. Whether it worked the way it should have or not, she wasn't so sure, but the dreams had started and they had started over, started fresh, in a way. She didn't want to lose any of the people she'd grown attached to, and Leah was one of those people despite the betrayal, the lies she'd spouted since the day they met.

"I don't expect you to want to stay friends after this...but I was kind of hoping we'd try," Leah said softly, breaking the heavy silence between them. "You are an amazing woman, Faith. I truly didn't deserve to be with you. I think I knew that from the start."

"What made you stick around?"

"Honestly?" Leah laughed softly as she shook her head. "The sex was amazing."

"That's a given," Faith chuckled. "I don't know about the friends thing right now, Leah. Still trying to absorb this whole fucked up situation, you know?"

"But it was more than that," Leah continued as she walked over to the bed and sat down while Faith lit another cigarette. "It was just the way you made me feel just by looking at me sometimes. It was like you didn't see anyone else but me. Shit, Faith. I'm really going to miss what we had together and it's my own goddamn fault for being so selfish and stupid!"

"Yeah, it is," Faith sighed softly as she turned to look out the window. "Where are you gonna stay?"

"With my parents for a while. I talked to them last night. My mother wanted to know why I would come out to her about you and turn around and drop this into her lap."

"What'd you tell her?"

"I didn't know what to say."

"That's a first," Faith joked, ducking out of the way as Leah chucked a pillow at her. "So, this is really it between us then?"

"I wish it wasn't, but I'm trying to do the right thing."

"Yeah."

"I uh, stopped taking the injections this morning. I figured it'd be safer for the baby in the long run."

"Leah," Faith sighed as she tried to keep the bitterness down in her voice, "do me a favour and don't tell me anything about the baby, okay? I don't want to hear this shit."

"Sorry. I'll just go. I'll be around by Wednesday to get the rest of my things."

"Sounds good. I'll haul all your crap down from the attic."

"Thanks," Leah said with a forced smile as she picked up her suitcase and headed for the door. "Faith, I really am sorry things turned out this way for us. When you think about it, with the way you feel about Buffy, it never would have worked out for much longer with us. Not now that she's back in your life."

Faith said nothing more to her. She had nothing else to say to her. She watched as Leah opened the bedroom door and walked out, closing it softly behind her, yet to Faith it sounded like it was slammed, a good accompaniment to the way her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She waited for almost ten minutes before she walked out of the bedroom and found Dawn, Xander, and Buffy all sitting around in the kitchen.

She grabbed a cup of coffee and the Styrofoam container with the breakfast Xander had brought back for her and headed down towards the water. She needed to be alone for a little while and she always felt more relaxed out there on the beach watching the waves as they rolled in, one by one. It had become therapeutic for her ever since Angel had bought her the house and it was one thing she didn't want to have to ever leave behind. She couldn't even think about leaving, not now, not when her life was one big mess after another.

Her best option was to stay right there, work things out in her life and move on from Leah and their relationship. As the tears rolled down her cheeks, she knew she was in love with Leah, just a little, and there wasn't any way to go back and fix wherever they'd gone wrong because it wasn't anything to do with them. It was all Leah and the poor decisions and choices she'd made.

When she heard the back door slide open she didn't even turn to look to see who had come out of the house. She already knew who it was.

"Hey," Xander said softly as he sat down next to her. "Everything okay?"

"She left."

"I know, kind of overheard you two. Hard not to."

"Great," she sighed out softly as she stared down into her coffee mug. "I feel so..."

"Used?"

"Yeah," she said with a forced laugh. "Heartbroken, too."

"She didn't deserve you, Faith."

"And who does?"

"Blond haired Slayer, sitting in your kitchen right now debating whether or not to come down here and talk to you."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed as she took a small sip of her coffee before finally turning to look over at him. "As much as I would love to be with Buffy, it's just not ever gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"Just isn't, Xand. Life isn't a dream, and what me and B have in our dreams is never gonna be that way in reality. I'd be a damn fool if I even thought for a second it could be that way."

"You'd be a damn fool trying to convince yourself of that," he said with a sly smile. "I'm not saying jump into something with Buffy right away, I'm just saying maybe you should try and give things a chance. Declare your love for her. Don't just let her walk away later today without trying."

"Trying to do what exactly?"

"To make her see that she belongs with you."

"Since when are you all for the Buffy and Faith thing?" She asked, trying to hide the smirk that threatened to creep across her lips.

"Since always," he shrugged and then bumped his shoulder into hers. "You two just...I don't know. In some ways you two seem like you're made for each other and that you're meant to be together. I'm not the only one who sees it, either."

"Who else does?"

"Angel, even though he goes out of his way to not admit that," Xander smirked as he casually put his arm around her shoulders. "Dawn said something while we were out getting breakfast, how she'd never thought she'd see Buffy look so carefree and happy after being apart from all of us for so long. She said Buffy had told her about the dreams and she knows that a part of why Buffy is the way she is now is because of you."

"You aren't saying all this to try and convince me to come to Cleveland with you guys, are you?"

"Maybe."

"I told you I'm staying here, Xand. My life is here right now and I don't want to just get up and leave. Not even for the chance to be with Buffy. I'm not ready for that right now."

"Right," he nodded. "Because of what you just went through with Leah, right?"

"Part of the reason."

"What's the other reasons?"

"I'm scared shitless," she chuckled softly. "I mean shit, wouldn't you be too?"

"Of what? Having a chance to be with Buffy? Hell yeah," he smiled at her and dropped his arm from around her shoulders. "I mean it is Buffy after all. I do know why you'd be so scared. She's kind of scary."

"It's all kind of scary, though, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"The way we all turned out," she shrugged as she opened the container and picked up a piece of bacon. "Did you ever think we'd all change so much in five years?"

"No," Xander replied as he stole a piece of toast and smirked at her. "You've changed the most, Faith. It's not scary. I think it is what they call growing up and maturing."

"I don't even..." she laughed as she trailed off for a moment and shook her head as she turned to look at him, "I don't even recognize myself anymore. I feel all over the place and at the same time I feel so grounded, you know?"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I ask myself that a lot and never can come up with one solid answer."

"You know what I ask myself a lot lately?" Xander asked and before she could answer, he continued, "I ask myself how I ended up head over heels in love with Dawnie."

Faith laughed and slugged him in the shoulder as she shook her head at him. "I think it's the Summers women thing. You did have a hardcore crush on Buffy for like forever, didn't you? Maybe it was the whole thing with you not being able to have Buffy that made you see Dawn in a different light. Besides, Dawnie is all woman sized now."

"Well," he laughed nervously, "with Buffy it was different."

"Isn't it always when it comes to her?"

"Maybe. Guess it's like one of those mysteries we'll never figure out, huh?" He shrugged and looked back up at the house for a split second. "Dawnie isn't a second choice, if that's what you're thinking."

"I never said anything!" Faith said as she held up her hands in surrender. "I was just making an observation, you know?"

"You sure you don't want to come to Cleveland with us? Maybe give it a shot for about a month and if it doesn't feel right, you could always come back here."

"Why do you want me to come to Cleveland so bad, Xand?"

"Told you," he sighed as he stole a piece of bacon from the container, "we need a leader there."

"But Buffy..."

"Probably won't want to do it," he finished for her. "She said she'd come back to Cleveland. She never said anything about going back to slaying or leading the girls there."

"I'm no leader," she replied. "Besides, I don't want to go back to that life. I like it here cos I can do my own thing and not fucking worry about the things that go bump in the night every single night. Sure, I go out on patrol every night just to be safe, or at least almost every night. I like this pace of life, Xander. If I had a choice I'd stop completely. I feel like I'm getting too old for this shit."

"You'd want to become an inactive?"

"No. I just want to stay doing what I've been doing the last five years."

She knew Xander well enough now to know that he wouldn't drop it as easily as she wanted him to. He could be quite relentless at times and as much as it drove her crazy, she also needed it. The stubborn side of her was determined to stick with what she knew was right, what she _thought_ was right, but the rational side of her was telling her that Cleveland was probably her best option right now. She didn't want to leave California, though. This was her home now and she wanted it to be for quite some time. She didn't want to leave for other reasons too, and now with Leah having left her she didn't want it to look like she was running from everything.

Xander left her sitting there alone with her warm cup of coffee and her cold breakfast. As much as she wanted to be alone, she didn't want to be at the same time. Things with Leah were starting to bother her. She didn't want to start thinking about what had just happened and what Leah had told her. She still felt numb. She felt like she was suffocating and trapped in a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. All those doubts, those fears she had about Leah being unfaithful had been real. She did feel used. She felt...dirty, chewed up, and spit out like a bad piece of meat.

This was why she never wanted to do the whole relationship thing in the past. She'd always seen how things turned out and they weren't always full of happy, sappy, romantic endings. It made her think way back to her childhood when her mother, as drunk as she always was, told her that a happy relationship was something that only lived in fairytales and those crappy romantic novels she used to buy at the grocery store. Maybe her mother had been right. Maybe those idealistic and unrealistic fantasies she had every once in a while of that 'perfect' relationship would never happen.

Memories of her mother, her childhood in general, made her uneasy. She hated thinking about it, hated how at the moments when she felt her weakest she linked those feelings back to the ones she had when she was just a kid. It also made her think of the one time she talked to Angel about the worst, darkest parts of her childhood and he asked her why she said her mother was dead. In her mind, her mother _was_ dead to her, when in reality she was probably still very much alive, hitting the bottle as hard as she had fifteen years ago when she had last seen her.

"You feel like some quiet company?" Buffy asked, startling her from her thoughts.

"Sure, I guess."

Buffy sat down next to her and let out a soft sigh. "Okay, so it's not going to be such quiet company, but I think we really need to talk, Faith."

"About what, exactly? Cos I am not in the fucking mood to talk about anything right now."

"Okay," Buffy said wearily as Faith turned to look at her for a moment before turning back to look out over the water. "I'll talk and you listen, how about that?"

"Whatever works for you," Faith replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I..." Buffy let out a sharp laugh as she shook her head. "God, I had this whole speech in my head and now I don't even know where to even start."

Faith smiled at her and shrugged. She wasn't going to press Buffy to say anything. If she wanted to talk, she'd figure out where to start. It made her curious, though, just what Buffy wanted to talk to her about. They had a lot of things to talk about. Five years and then some. They had talked a lot in their dreams, but out here it was different. Almost. There were a lot of things she wanted to say to Buffy, a lot of things she wanted to _do_ with Buffy, but now wasn't the time.

"I keep wondering, and believe me I can't stop, just how different it'd be out of our dreams. A part of me knows it will be better, a different kind of better, but I...I don't know, Faith. I feel so confused even though I do know what I want right now."

"And what do you want?"

"I want you, for one thing," Buffy replied, blushing when Faith looked at her and raised an eyebrow as she smirked. "I want everything to be easy, but I know it won't. It's going to be nothing but complicated for us. It's not like we'll be living in the same town after today."

"No, but we've been however far apart for five years, what makes this different?"

"I don't know. God, I've never felt more confused and knowing what I want and not knowing how to take it. I...I know one thing for sure, Faith. I know how much I love you, and I know that I'm in love with you. I just...I need you to tell me that you are too."

Faith took a deep breath as she reached for Buffy's hand and gently intertwined their fingers. "You know how I feel about you, B. You know how in love I am with you. I showed you and told you every night. I thought for the longest time that maybe this was all just my imagination, but still hoping that maybe, you know, you were feeling the same thing and that you really were there with me."

"I was really there with you," Buffy whispered. "I was afraid for the longest time I was just imagining things."

They both laughed softly at that. Faith couldn't believe that things were just...normal between them. They still had a long way to go, _she_ had a long way to go, before they could find a way just to be together. Buffy had a life to get back to and she had her own life to go on with. She let go of Buffy's hand and ran both of her hands through her hair. It was a nervous habit when she didn't know what to do or say in the moment. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Buffy fidgeting as she almost reached out for her.

"You know something, B? I keep wondering when the hell my life is gonna have one normal day. Shit, we aren't even on a Hellmouth and it's just as bad as it was back in Sunnydale."

"Is it?"

"Some parts of it, yeah. I mean, look at how fucked up everything is with Leah. She's been fucking her boss since before we got together, she lied to me about being an inactive Slayer..."

"Inactive?"

"Long story, you'll be filled in once you get to Cleveland," Faith muttered under her breath. "But the point is, I keep getting thrown around every which way and life never fucking gets any easier. Like with you. All I want to do is be with you, but it's too soon. It's also too late."

"Too late? Faith, it's never too late."

"Five fucking years, B. Look," she sighed as she stared into Buffy's eyes for a moment, "I understand that you wanted to go off and do your own thing. That's all fine and fucking dandy. But you were selfish. You cut yourself off from the people that matter most in your life, or should anyway. Maybe it isn't too late, but it kind of feels like it is."

"I hate that you feel that way," Buffy frowned as she reached for Faith's hand, taking it quickly before she could pull away. "I really hate that you think that way. I know it's been five years. I kept thinking I'd be ready to come back, but then I just wanted to keep doing what I was doing. I had to figure out who I was. After Sunnydale, I felt like I didn't even know myself anymore."

Faith knew all too well about not knowing herself, or who she was, or what her actual purpose in life was besides being a Slayer. She was okay with not knowing that, Angel had made her see that it could take her years, hell, it could take the whole rest of her life to figure out just who she was. She was okay with not knowing herself completely; at least she was most of the time.

"There is too much to talk about between us to get into it today," Buffy said after a few minutes of silence between them. "We're leaving in a couple of hours."

"Yeah."

"I wish you were coming back with us, but I know you can't just pack up and leave when you have a life here. Maybe one day?"

"Maybe."

"You know I'll wait for you, right?"

"I don't expect you to," Faith said softly as she gently stroked her thumb over Buffy's.

"Faith," Buffy laughed softly as she moved a little cl0ser to her. "I haven't been with anyone in the last five years. I never wanted to be with anyone after those dreams started, either."

"B..."

"I never expected you to hold out for me," she continued. "I still don't. I know that if you find someone else to be with, there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"Buffy, listen," Faith sighed. "I'm not going to be with anyone else. After Leah, I just want to be alone for a little while."

"I understand."

"You can still invade my dreams," she said with a wink, fighting off that urge to lean in and kiss her. Wanting to do just that felt too natural, too right, but she couldn't. Not yet. "Definitely is the one thing I always look forward to."

"They are pretty nice dreams."

"They are fucking hot dreams."

Buffy blushed as she looked away from her for a moment. "They are pretty hot."

They sat there for nearly an hour, their fingers intertwined as they looked out over the water. There were the few glances and long gazes shared between them, soft smiles and the odd deep blush that crept over Buffy's cheeks that told Faith she was most likely thinking of their dreams they shared together. By the time Xander and Dawn were ready to leave for Buffy's apartment to get her things, Faith wasn't ready for her to go just yet. As alone as she knew she needed to be, she didn't want to be completely alone at the same time.

The goodbye was a little bittersweet. Buffy clung onto her for the longest time while Xander and Dawn waited for her in the cab. Faith just held onto her, trying to memorize the way Buffy's body felt moulded into her own in the tight embrace. When she felt Buffy's tears she pulled back and forced a smile at her as she reached up and gently brushed the tears away. She didn't stop herself when her lips met Buffy's in a tender kiss. Her heart was racing, her body aching for more, but she pulled away before it could go one step further.

"I'll see you," she whispered, giving Buffy one last hug as Dawn called out for her to hurry up.

"Yeah," Buffy nodded sadly as she wiped away the tears. "I don't even know why I'm crying."

"Me neither," Faith chuckled softly. "Better get going, meter is running and all."

"Tonight?"

"Tonight," Faith nodded, smiling at her as she slowly backed up to the stairs. Buffy flashed her a smile right back before turning to walk down the steps and head over to the cab. After one last look she got into the cab. "Tonight," Faith said to herself as she turned and went inside, unable to stand there and watch as they drove away. "Tonight and every night until I see you again."


	9. Epilogue

Thanks to everyone who has read this story and left some feedback, very much appreciated so thank you :) Hope you all enjoyed the story

* * *

Two months passed by slowly. Every minute that passed Faith felt. Every day that passed felt longer than the last. The more time that went on, the more she thought about her life, her relationship with Leah, her dreams with Buffy, and that tender kiss they'd shared before Buffy had left. It felt better than anything in their dreams, it felt real, and going back to their dreams after that had felt different. She saw her almost every night, their dreams becoming more passionate, more heated, with every one that came and went. And in those two months she'd sat and thought about what she was going to do when she wasn't dreaming and the answer always came up exactly the same.

She had no idea what she was going to do. A bigger part of her knew that staying there was the best thing she could do for herself. She'd just begun to move on from Leah, from the heartache she felt. She wanted to run to Buffy knowing Buffy's arms would be wide open and waiting for her, but it still felt too soon and too late.

Christmas was just around the corner and like every year, she'd spent her birthday, the day before, alone with a bottle of cheap whiskey. Angel had been the only one to call her to wish her a happy birthday. She felt a little down on herself, and then remembered that nobody else, not even Xander, knew when her birthday was. Nobody else knew she was just shy of a month older than Buffy either. It was one of those things she never felt comfortable telling anyone about, just like when it came to not talking about her childhood.

"Faith?" Angel called out as he let himself in the front door. The sun had set about two hours before and she lay sprawled out on the couch in the living room, a half empty bottle of whiskey gripped tightly in her hands as she fought off sleep.

"Hey," she mumbled as Angel walked into the living room. "What brings you here?"

"Came to see how you're doing. After yesterday's phone call I figured you could use some company tonight."

She shrugged as she managed to sit up on the couch and watched as Angel slipped off his coat and sat down next to her. "I'm not gonna off myself or anything if that's what you're thinking."

"Nah," he chuckled as he threw an arm around her shoulders. "You are too strong and you love life too much to get that far down the barrel again. Besides, you've got people in your life that would never let you harm yourself."

"Yeah, like who?"

"Myself, for one. Xander, Buffy, Dawn...shall I go on?"

"Please don't."

Angel laughed as he took the bottle from her hands and placed it on the coffee table next to the ashtray that was overflowing with cigarette butts. "Anything on TV tonight?"

"Angel, I know you came to check up on me. You're here for another reason. Spit it out."

"I've gotten numerous of phone calls from Xander and Buffy, mostly Buffy. Have you purposely been ignoring them?"

"Took the phone off the hook a few days ago. Needed some peace and quiet."

"But you had it on yesterday."

"Only cos I knew you'd call," she smirked as she leaned forward and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. "Do you want a drink?"

"No," Angel replied with a shake of his head and look of disgust. "Anyway, the reason I'm actually here is to convince you to go to Cleveland..."

"No."

"Just for Christmas, Faith. Two weeks. You'll be back after New Years."

"And let me guess," she said and paused to take a swig from the bottle, "you are gonna pay for my flight out there and back?"

"Yeah. I am."

"And when do you expect me to leave?"

Angel looked over at the clock on the wall for a moment before looking back at her. "In about four hours, give or take. You might want to try and sober up and pack some clothes. Warm clothes."

"Dude, I know how cold Cleveland is in December," she scowled as she stood up quickly and nearly slammed the bottle down on the coffee table. "They sent you here, didn't they?"

"Buffy asked if I could get you on the plane tonight. After I spoke with her, Giles and I had a very long discussion about your...future placement."

"I'm not moving."

Faith stormed off to the bedroom and pulled out her duffel bag from the closet and began packing her warmest clothes. She was a little tipsy and despite her attitude, she was excited to go to Cleveland for Christmas. She didn't want to spend it alone, not like she liked to spend her birthdays alone.

"Faith, I should explain what Giles meant when he was talking about your future placement."

"Fine, whatever. Explain," Faith shrugged him off as she pulled out a couple of hoodies from the back of the closet and shoved them into the bag.

"Buffy wants to come back here. Giles wasn't sure whether she'd be on her own, if she'd come stay in LA for awhile, or if she'd come stay here with you."

"With me?" Faith asked as she turned to look at him. "You're kidding right?"

"No."

"We aren't even together, we're barely even friends. Why the hell would we want to live together?"

"Because you two are in love with each other and you are acting like you are scared shitless of even trying to take the first step," he replied as he walked over to the bed and sat down. "What are you so afraid of? You've moved on from Leah, haven't you?"

"I have. I think. Hurts less now than it did a couple weeks ago."

"But what are you afraid of, Faith?"

"I don't know! Everything!"

"It's rather funny, actually," Angel chuckled as he watched Faith begin to pace back and forth around the room. "I spent over two hours on the phone with Buffy last night and she was talking about how afraid she was of being with you. You know what she's afraid of the most?"

"What?"

"That this is it. That this will be 'it'."

"It as in…what, exactly?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Angel said seriously. "It as in 'the one', soul mates, etcetera."

Faith stopped pacing and felt her whole body shaking slightly as she let those words sink in. She knew he was right. She'd been thinking that a lot over the past couple of months and as much as it scared her, she wanted it. She wanted Buffy. She wanted her to actually be there instead of just seeing her nearly every night in her dreams. She wanted to know what it really felt like to hold her, to fall asleep in her arms and wake up with her every morning. She wanted to spend the days with her, cook her breakfast and then a late dinner. She wanted to shower her with affection and love. She wanted everything she never had and she wanted it only to be with Buffy.

She began pacing again, stopping every couple of steps to try to collect her thoughts. No matter what she did, the only thing she could think of was Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. If she wasn't in love with her, she'd call herself obsessed, infatuated. She stopped pacing to look over at a smug looking Angel and thanked the Powers that Be that he couldn't read her mind.

"What?" Faith snapped at him as she backed up and leaned against the dresser. "Come on. Tell me what you're thinking right now."

He shrugged listlessly as he fought back the smirk. "Nervous, are you?" He asked as she lifted herself onto the dresser and crossed her arms over her chest, unimpressed with the way he was acting. "I think you are downright nervous about seeing her again."

"Why would I be nervous? I see her nearly every night in our dreams."

"Because it's different out here in the real world for you," he pointed out and smiled a little at her when she sighed in agreement. "You both deserve your shot at happiness and if it's together, then you two should make it happen. So what if you're scared, you are scared because you know this will be it. That she is the one."

"You honestly don't feel weird that we're talking about this?" She asked him and he quickly shook his head no. "And what happened to you telling me to give up hope that it'd ever happen between me and B?"

"She came back and then the thing with Leah, well," he chuckled softly and shook his head. "If I tell you I saw it coming with Leah, you won't be pissed at me, will you?"

"You kinda just did."

"I wanted to tell you about her," he said as he stood up and walked over to her, staring at her wearily as she picked up her stake and fingered the sharp edge. "I kept thinking I was wrong, that I wanted to find something wrong with her as much as you did."

"So, all that crap you spouted while I was with her was just crap then?"

"No. Not all of it anyway."

"You know," Faith sighed as she ran the tip of the stake over the dresser before tossing it aside, "this so isn't helping me feel less fucking conflicted about everything."

"Then tell me something. What is it that you really want more than anything, Faith?"

"Buffy."

"And would you be willing to do anything for her?"

"Of course I..."

"Then give up on trying to do what you think is right and actually do the right thing."

"Which would be? Help me out here, Angel. Throw me a fucking bone here!"

"You know what I'm going to say."

"Cleveland," she stated, closing her eyes as she brought her fingers to her temples and began to rub them slowly, trying to ward off the headache she could feel building. "What the fuck am I gonna do in Cleveland?"

"Help out there, do your own thing, do Buffy perhaps?" He smirked and winced in pain as Faith slugged him hard in the shoulder. "Just think about it, Faith. You've been wallowing in self-pity here for the last two months and I know it isn't just because of what happened with Leah."

"I know. Fuck, Angel. Why do you gotta always be right about everything?"

"Because I'm wiser and a hell of a lot older than you?"

"So, Cleveland?" Faith shrugged as she leaned back against the mirror and looked over at him. "What about the house?"

"Vacation home. Somewhere to come and get away from those harsh winters. Nice little place to escape to and everyone needs a place like that."

"You aren't going to give me a choice, are you?"

"Buffy isn't going to give you a choice. Believe me, if I could give you a choice I would, but I sort of promised her I'd talk you into it since you won't talk to her now. Just go there for two weeks, spend Christmas with everyone and think about it."

"What about you?"

"I can handle things around here just fine. It's been nice having you around for backup; I can count on you. But you know they need all the help they can get in Cleveland right now and they need more than one leader there, too."

"More than one? They have a leader now?"

"Buffy kind of stepped into the role once she arrived there. She didn't tell you?"

"We don't talk shop in our dreams or the few times she's called me," Faith replied with a wiggle of her eyebrows, knowing how much it'd bother Angel with the images that gave him. "You gonna just sit there or are you gonna give me a hand at packing?"

Angel shrugged and helped her pack up a few more things before she went around the house unplugging everything and making sure all the windows and doors were locked. After a quick trip to store the weapons she had lying around the house in the wardrobe, she and Angel walked out of the house and down to his car. He drove just outside of town and came to a stop at the side of the road. Faith, half asleep, looked at him in confusion with heavy lidded eyes.

"I thought we were gonna go to the airport?"

"Willow express," he chuckled as he got out of the car and grabbed her bag out of the backseat. "I forgot to tell you, but she's perfected the teleporting spell. Unfortunately she's only able to do it from one location around here."

"And let me guess," Faith groaned as she stood outside the car and looked over at Angel, "it's right here, isn't it?"

Angel nodded as he took out his cell and sent a text quickly. He handed her bag to her and gave her an impish smile as he stepped back a couple of feet. She closed her eyes, having heard that teleporting was a rather trippy experience, and waited.

****

_She hadn't expected to fall into a dream, and yet, there she was in the last place she and Buffy had been. On the beach with the sun shining and not a single cloud in the sky. This was where she felt happiest, free. She was there alone this time, but it didn't bother. Much._

_She stretched out on the blanket, feeling the sun warm her skin. She wondered how the hell she landed in a dream in the middle of being teleported halfway across the country. Maybe she blacked out, maybe she hit her head when she landed and was unconscious. Whatever happened, she wasn't about to complain. The feeling of serenity that surrounded her was enough to keep her from asking herself too many questions she knew she just couldn't answer._

_And just as quickly as she'd fallen into the dream, she could feel her body and her mind begin to wake up ever so slowly._

****

"Hey," Buffy smiled down at her as she ran her fingers over the obvious bump on her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I was...what happened?"

"You fell face first on the driveway when Willow teleported you here. I don't think she's perfected it as well as she likes to believe she has," Buffy chuckled as Faith sat up slowly and looked around the dark room. "You're on the couch in the living room."

"Nice," she groaned as she slowly sat up and ran her own hand over the bump on her forehead. "Great, that's gonna take a couple days to go down."

She couldn't take her eyes off of Buffy. Even in the darkness of the room, with the streetlight barely streaming in the big window, she had never seen her look more beautiful that she did in that moment. She didn't want to wait any longer to kiss her and she leaned in slowly, already feeling Buffy blush a little before their lips met. It was soft and sweet at first until Faith needed more. She pulled Buffy onto her lap, groaning softly when she quickly moved to straddle her legs. Buffy took the next step, deepening the kiss as Faith trailed her hands down her back slowly.

"I'm not dreaming still, am I?" Faith asked softly, her lips still against Buffy's as her hands wandered to the edge of her shirt. "Tell me I'm not still dreaming."

"You aren't dreaming," she whispered as she pulled back a little and smiled. "I'm so glad you are here, Faith. I was driving myself insane just wanting you here with me. The dreams just aren't enough anymore."

"I know."

"I figure Angel has talked to you already?"

"Yeah," she smiled a little as she ran the tips of her fingers under the hem of Buffy's shirt, feeling the goose bumps form along her skin. "I'm gonna think about it, okay?"

"I won't pressure you," Buffy whispered as she leaned back in and kissed her lightly. "But I can't promise you I won't try to persuade you. I have two weeks."

"Two weeks to do what exactly?"

"Show you just what it'd be like if you stayed."

"And how are you planning to do that?" Faith asked, eyebrow raised, as Buffy ran her fingers over her jaw slowly. "B?"

"I'm gonna tie you to my bed," she chuckled as she leaned in for yet another kiss. "Then I'm going to show you what it feels like to be completely worshipped, head to toe. Then I'm going to show you what it feels like to be loved, fully and completely. Are you okay with that?"

"Fuck yeah."

"And if it's okay with you, I'd like to start tonight."

"Great," Faith breathed out sharply as Buffy trailed her right hand down across her chest, her fingers straying dangerously close to her already aching nipples. "Can we start right now? Just for the record, B, you don't need to tie me to your bed, although I do like a little bit of kink every now and then."

"There's just one thing," Buffy said as she dropped her hand, much to Faith's dismay. "I don't want to jump into this despite what my body is trying to tell me right now."

"What's it telling you?"

"It wants you to touch me, kiss me," she whispered and leaned in to run her tongue along the underside of her ear before continuing, "it wants your lips and tongue all over me and in me."

Faith moaned softly, feeling her own body react to her words and the visuals that came with them. She couldn't jump into it, they both couldn't. Buffy was right despite how much their bodies craved each other. For now all she wanted to do was continue kissing Buffy as she was quickly realizing just how much more addictive it was outside of their dreams. It still felt surreal to be sitting there with Buffy astride her, her lips and tongue possessing her as hands began to wander over and then under her shirt.

She wasn't sure how alone they were there in the living room. Over the rapid beating of her heart and the heavy breathing between the two of them, she couldn't hear anything else in the house. They had to have been alone since Buffy took things just one step further and unbuttoned her jeans, fumbling unsurely at first, and becoming more daring as Faith moaned into her mouth and manoeuvred them so Buffy lay on her back on the couch with Faith hovering slightly over her.

"This is you taking things slow?" Faith groaned, pulling back from the kiss as Buffy's fingers lingered just above her panties. "B?"

"This is me giving in to what I want," she whispered, her eyes staring intensely into Faith's as she ran her fingers over the waistband of her panties slowly. "Is that okay with you?"

"You...shouldn't we...upstairs?" Faith was at loss for words as Buffy slid her hand inside her panties, her fingernails scraping the skin gently as she inched downwards. "Buffy?"

"We're alone," she whispered against her lips and bit her own as her fingers dipped lower, barely touching her, yet able to feel the pool of wetness that gathered there because of her. "I'd take this upstairs, but they'll all be back in an hour and what I want to do with you will take much longer than an hour."

"So, you're settling on...fucking me right here?" Faith breathed out as Buffy's fingers slid ever so slowly over her already aching clit. It'd been far too long since she'd been touched by hands other than her own.

"Mm-hmm."

"I...fuck," she sighed out contently as Buffy slid a single solitary finger slowly inside of her. Not one to just receive, she held herself over Buffy with one hand and with the other she fumbled with the button on Buffy's jeans, skilfully managing to get them undone in just a few seconds.

Their lips met in a bruising, passionate kiss as Faith wasted no time in thrusting a finger deep inside of Buffy's hot, wet hole. She almost came just feeling her, feeling the heat coming from her, but she held it back, not wanting to come so soon. When she woke up that morning she never once thought that this was how her day would end up, at least not there in reality. She ignored the throbbing pain from the bump on her forehead as she rolled her hips in time to Buffy's thrusting finger, wanting to beg her for more, but feeling satisfied enough with just one slender finger fucking her exactly the way she liked it.

"Who knew those dreams would come in so handy," she murmured against Buffy's lips, not fully aware she was speaking her thoughts out loud. They both shared a soft laugh before Faith captured Buffy's lips with her own once again.

They didn't stop until they came together and Faith struggled to hold herself up over Buffy as she slipped her hand out from inside her panties, bringing her fingers to her lips as she parted from the kiss. With a rather lascivious grin, she licked Buffy's secretions off of her fingers, moaning in pleasure at finally being able to taste her.

"You taste so good," Faith whispered as she moved her hand back down slowly, coming to rest on Buffy's hip. "You sure we can't take this upstairs? There's plenty we can do in less than an hour."

"I..."

"I want you naked, writhing beneath me, B. I want to taste every inch of you and feel you come against my tongue. After this, right here and now, I need all of you."

"Faith..."

"I don't care if we're jumping into this cos honestly, B? If you do the math, dreams or not, we've been together for five fucking years. In my head, that means we got a lot of fucking to catch up on in real time. The dreams were purely amazing and it makes me wonder just how much more it'd be to have you for real."

"I'm...nervous," she whispered and it made Faith laugh. "Don't laugh, Faith! I mean, we just...you know, but the whole rest of everything, especially the naked parts, make me really nervous right now."

"Why?"

"Because aside from being with you that way in our dreams, I've never..."

"Babe," Faith smiled softly as she ran the tips of her fingers over Buffy's lips. "It's just like our dreams, only better. You just do whatever feels right, just like you did a couple minutes ago. Fuck, B. I haven't come that hard outside of our dreams in...shit, I can't even remember. I don't even _think_ I've come that hard before with anyone and definitely not that quick either."

Buffy blushed deeply as she turned her head and looked away from her. Faith couldn't help but let a small laugh escape as she moved off of her and quickly buttoned up her jeans just as the front door opened. Buffy sat up quickly, eyes wide in shock as she fumbled to button up her own jeans.

"Shit, they said they wouldn't be back until after eleven!"

"B..."

"Oh god, I look like I've just...oh god," she groaned as she got up from the couch and ran upstairs.

Faith smirked as she sat back down on the couch and laid back. It was definitely going to be a very interesting two weeks and she already knew that by the time it came for her to go back home she wouldn't want to leave. She just closed her eyes, feeling a sense of home wash over her all of a sudden. It wasn't because of what she'd just done with Buffy, it was just the feel of where she was and the familiar voices of those she hadn't seen in far too long. Even just hearing Dawn and Xander made her feel like this was where she belonged.

Where she should have been all along.

****

For two weeks she spent almost all her time with Buffy at her side. She felt like she was floating on cloud nine with every touch, every kiss, even with every look they shared between them. She had easily opened her heart completely to Buffy, finding it easier to do than she could have ever imagined it to be. Buffy had opened herself up to Faith too, and she knew that from this point on that they would have something real between them, something so strong that it wasn't going to be broken. Not even in death.

Yeah, she had it bad and she was in so deep, yet she loved that feeling instead of loathing it. She embraced the love she felt from Buffy and gave it right back to her. The comments from those around them never bothered either of them. Nothing could break that little happy bubble they'd planted themselves into.

She refused Willow's offer to teleport her back to California, not wanting to experience another mild concussion any time soon. Buffy offered to come back with her to help her pack up her things, but with an impending and still rather unknown apocalypse, Buffy needed to stay behind. The morning before her flight they spent the entire day cooped up in Buffy's room, _their_ room, just holding one another, kissing one another, and whispering sweet nothings as they made love like it was the last time they'd see each other for months. In reality Faith would only be gone for three days, but in both their minds three days would feel like months after the last two weeks they'd spent together completely inseparable.

She stood in the middle of her living room and looked around at the boxes spread out over the floor and already packed. She had wasted no time in getting her things into the boxes she'd picked up on the way home from the airport. She was just waiting for Angel to come by before she caught the red eye flight back to Cleveland in the morning.

"Knock, knock," Angel said as he let himself in the front door. "Damn, so I'm guessing you called me here to tell me in person that you're moving out?"

"And to say goodbye, for now."

"Goodbye sounds too final, don't you think?" Angel said with a smile as he gave her a quick yet tight hug. "What made you decide to move there?"

"Buffy."

"How'd she manage to do that?"

"You really have to ask me that?" Faith chuckled as she walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. "You want a beer?"

"I'm good."

"Anything interesting happen in the last couple of weeks without me?"

"Define interesting," Angel replied as he leaned against the counter. Faith shrugged as she twisted off the beer cap and waited for him to continue. "Okay, well...I know you won't want to hear this, but I heard a little rumbling that the guy Leah was sleeping with, her boss...his fiancée refuses to leave him. She comes from money, so they've been trying to pay Leah to have an abortion even though it's much too late."

"Damn."

"She came to see me yesterday," Angel said softly as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Turns out she'd come by here looking for you. My guess? She wanted you to take her back. I told her you were in Cleveland spending Christmas with Buffy and her family."

"What'd she say?"

"She wanted to know if you and Buffy were together."

"And you told her...what exactly?"

"That you are with Buffy now."

"Good," Faith chuckled. "I don't know what I would have done if I was here when Leah came by. Probably would have done something stupid like allow myself to forgive her and take her back. I probably would have if Buffy hadn't come back when she did."

"You loved her, didn't you?"

"A little bit more than I'd like to admit, yeah," she nodded and took a sip of her beer, "I did love her. Hell, I even was a little bit _in_ love with her. Is that even possible?"

"To be just a little bit in love? Sure."

"It'd never come close to what I feel for Buffy. There's just something so...right about the way I feel about Buffy despite our past. And yes, we did work through it and decided to leave our past where it belonged and focus on the now."

"What about the future?"

"Taking it one day at a time, Angel. Isn't that what you've been telling me for the past five years? Just take my life one day at a time and never worry about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow?"

"So, you were listening to me all those times?"

"I'm not as stubborn as I may appear to be."

"Sure you are," Angel chuckled as he walked over to the fridge and took out a beer. "Guess I could stick around and have a few with you. Who knows when we'll see each other next?"

"Probably every other weekend, but it'll vary depending on whatever current apocalypse decides to come along."

"Pesky apocalypses," Angel smirked as they raised their bottles and clinked the necks together. "Let me ask you something," he said as they headed out to sit out back. "You knew shortly after you got there that you were going to stay, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Just, I don't know how to explain it, but everything about it there felt like home. It didn't feel like that when I went there before, but I think I know why."

"Buffy wasn't there," Angel finished for her. "She's an amazing woman, Faith."

"I know."

"You are too," he smiled as they sat down on the back steps together. "I feel like I've watched one of my own grow, mature, and finally find herself. I almost know what it's like to feel like a proud father right now. You know, without actually being a father."

"I know. I'm gonna miss you," she said as she fought back the tears. "I know what you're gonna say. You are just a phone call away, just like you've always been. Only difference is now I'm gonna be in a completely different time zone. Driving for an hour doesn't quite compare to sitting on a plane for…what was it, five hours?"

"Something like that. Why didn't you get Willow to teleport you back?"

"Funny story," Faith laughed as she rubbed her forehead. "Landed in the driveway when she brought me there. Face first. Passed the fuck out and woke up to Buffy right there looking down at me. Felt like one of our dreams, you know? A part of me is wondering if I am still dreaming, if maybe I'm in a coma again."

"But you aren't."

"I know that. It just feels so surreal."

"You're happy, that's why it feels surreal. And don't you dare feed me a line of bullshit and tell me that you don't deserve to have happiness because you do. You always have deserved it and you always will despite any of the mistakes you've made and will continue to make in your life."

She put her beer down on the counter and threw her arms around him. "Thanks, Angel. I feel like for everything you've done for me that I owe you my life."

"You don't owe me anything, Faith. The only thing I want is for you to just live your life happy and know what it's like to live it being loved by a wonderful woman. Do you ever wonder what made you who you are today?"

"What?"

"You and learning how to have faith in yourself," he smiled as he pulled away from Faith's tight embrace. "I think a lot of it has to do with the dreams you've been having. You learned how to love that way. It all makes sense now when I think about it."

He was right. He was always right. She cursed silently, smiling widely at him as she grabbed her beer and took a sip.

In her dreams she'd found love and she also found herself. She'd been through many ups and downs in her life and it all led her to where she was now. Everything always came back to Buffy, too; she could see that now, and she was no longer going to fight it, nor would she deny it. What was the point? She knew the truth and it'd only taken her five years of being with Buffy nearly every night in her dreams to realize just what real love actually was.

And if what she felt was really was real, she knew it couldn't get any more real than it already was.

And if she was dreaming, she never wanted to wake up.

****

The End


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